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INCOGNITO

Birthday donation

19 posts in this topic

There is always something popping up isn't there?, as a nanna. We were sent a text message written and not verbatim.' We are asking all grandparents to contribute to the girls birthday. Costing us a fortune they are. lol. With the party $400 gk2 's cake smash $200 and 2 cakes, if you cant or dont want to thats ok, we can afford, but a huge help out this would be. Its gk2's first one, going all out and go back to regular parties next year. We're asking for $50 per grandparent couple, to help cover cost of both girls parties, all joined as one party.

 

I dont mind doing this , but is this normal? Has anyone heard of this before. I just hope this does n't escalate to other things, like music lessons and school tuition etc.

Anonymous poster hash: dd153...0b8

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I've never been asked to give cash to be put towards birthday parties, never attended anything extravagant for little ones- But every gathering geared towards the children have always been fun- The ones intended for children but wind up being more for the adults, no so much-

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42 minutes ago, INCOGNITO said:

There is always something popping up isn't there?, as a nanna. We were sent a text message written and not verbatim.' We are asking all grandparents to contribute to the girls birthday. Costing us a fortune they are. lol. With the party $400 gk2 's cake smash $200 and 2 cakes, if you cant or dont want to thats ok, we can afford, but a huge help out this would be. Its gk2's first one, going all out and go back to regular parties next year. We're asking for $50 per grandparent couple, to help cover cost of both girls parties, all joined as one party.

 

I dont mind doing this , but is this normal? Has anyone heard of this before. I just hope this does n't escalate to other things, like music lessons and school tuition etc.

Anonymous poster hash: dd153...0b8

Try to find MBEAR's thread on something similar, posted last year. It's over 3 months old so no bumping but it could be helpful to read it. Might give you ideas on the questions that need to be addressed first so you can make an informed decision. Depending on your type of family it could be disastrous! Or it could work. Depends on the family and the members involved.

ETA: Found the link:

 

Edited by Cupcake55
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Hmmm... I've heard of GPs being asked to contribute towards major gifts, as in the thread that Cupcake has linked. And for major parties, such as Sweet 16s. I've never heard of their being asked to give towards LOs' bday parties, but I suppose that's not out of the realm of possibility.

I've also heard of GPs being asked to contribute towards the cost of extracurricular activities. So yes, this could " escalate to other things" though not necessarily. Whatever you decide about the bday party, IMO, you need to think ahead and figure out what you will and won't be willing/able to help pay for and how much. They may never ask again, but it's good to be prepared.

Members here often say, "Give only what you can w/ a glad heart." IMO, that fits this situation.

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1 hour ago, RoseRed135 said:

Hmmm... I've heard of GPs being asked to contribute towards major gifts, as in the thread that Cupcake has linked. And for major parties, such as Sweet 16s. I've never heard of their being asked to give towards LOs' bday parties, but I suppose that's not out of the realm of possibility.

I've also heard of GPs being asked to contribute towards the cost of extracurricular activities. So yes, this could " escalate to other things" though not necessarily. Whatever you decide about the bday party, IMO, you need to think ahead and figure out what you will and won't be willing/able to help pay for and how much. They may never ask again, but it's good to be prepared.

Members here often say, "Give only what you can w/ a glad heart." IMO, that fits this situation.

This/\/\/\, plus, remember if you do it for one, you may be asked to do it for others. If you are not willing to do it again or for others, a no is probably the best answer.

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We live on a very small retirement income.  Our AC both make several times what we did when we were both working full time.  If I were ever asked to contribute to a "party fund", I'm sorry...but I'd have to laugh.

I give a $50 gift for a child's birthday...

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I would hesitate to participate in this. I live within my means. My children have been taught to live within theirs. If they need "contributions" or "donations" to fulfill their expectations, I'm thinking these expectations need to be lowered for the present time. 

Quote

Its gk2's first one

This party is for the adults because a 1yo certainly won't remember or care. 

Rein in the over top ridiculousness....

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I think the request is off-putting.  There are so many ways to go with a child's first bday party, depending on the budget, so if the host can't afford the cake smash or 2 cakes, etc, then asking others for a contribution is not the solution.  It is rather ill mannered to be honest.  Instead a party can be hosted within a host's budget, and if that requires that the host make the bday cake, etc. which is lovely, then so be it.  On thing I know for sure is the bday kid at age 1, won't care either way.

Also, I think a gift should be given with an open heart and without feeling obligated.  So, if this $$ contribution for the party gift isn't working for you, decline and give what you wish to your GK.

 

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I had never heard of it before -- the cake smash- That's not to say I've not seen babies eat cake .. Does anyone know how long this (cake smash) has been a thing? Longer than barn weddings? First time I ever saw one was in the movie The Proposal- (fun movie)  Anyone know how it (cake smash) got started? 

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My middle grandchild is eight now and the "smash" was well known in our area when she turned one.  Local bakeries usually make a small cake to match the big one for a token price here.

 

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In my family the birthday baby always has a small cake of her/his own. It can be anything from a special cupcake on up. It was never considered a "smash" cake, just the baby's special birthday experience.

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I assumed the term "smash" came from the fact that once the baby ate his/her cake with both hands, it looked liked it has been "Smashed".  I have never seen anyone coach a baby to actually smash their special little cake.  Actually, my GD fell asleep while eating/playing with her cake and had to take a nap before the gifts could be opened.  The cutiest pictures are of her nodding off and nearly landing face first in her cake.

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2 hours ago, Mame925 said:

In my family the birthday baby always has a small cake of her/his own. It can be anything from a special cupcake on up. It was never considered a "smash" cake, just the baby's special birthday experience.

I made a special little cake (aside from the group birthday cake) especially for the baby picture of the first birthday.  I cherish the photos of my two from back in the 1970's. And they made a mess since it was their first experience feeding themselves.

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40 minutes ago, RecLucy said:

I made a special little cake (aside from the group birthday cake) especially for the baby picture of the first birthday.  I cherish the photos of my two from back in the 1970's. And they made a mess since it was their first experience feeding themselves.

Exactly! 

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Some posts in this thread have been hidden either due to moderator concerns or simply b/c they quoted other hidden material. They may or may not be restored in their entirety.

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On 4/19/2017 at 6:43 PM, INCOGNITO said:

There is always something popping up isn't there?, as a nanna. We were sent a text message written and not verbatim.' We are asking all grandparents to contribute to the girls birthday. Costing us a fortune they are. lol. With the party $400 gk2 's cake smash $200 and 2 cakes, if you cant or dont want to thats ok, we can afford, but a huge help out this would be. Its gk2's first one, going all out and go back to regular parties next year. We're asking for $50 per grandparent couple, to help cover cost of both girls parties, all joined as one party.

 

I dont mind doing this , but is this normal? Has anyone heard of this before. I just hope this does n't escalate to other things, like music lessons and school tuition etc.

Anonymous poster hash: dd153...0b8

No, it's not normal, I would not give $50 for a portion of the cakes. A box of cake mix is .99 and takes an hour to mix, cook, and cool. Funfetti frosting is another .99 and cake is done.

Anonymous poster hash: ea945...f93

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On ‎4‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 0:39 AM, RecLucy said:

I made a special little cake (aside from the group birthday cake) especially for the baby picture of the first birthday.  I cherish the photos of my two from back in the 1970's. And they made a mess since it was their first experience feeding themselves.

I did the same thing for my two girls in the 80's.  They had their's and the adult ate the one without the drool on it.  I just had a regular cake and a cupcake for the baby.  Frankly I think the whole smash cake thing is just another way to say 'look what I did!'. 

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One thing I had to learn the hard way is not everyone is frugal, not everyone values homemade.   I  I think homemade cakes are MORE special than a designer cake from the best bakery in town.   But I think my DIL would rather have no cake than a homemade one for a first birthday.   I think I've come around  a bit on that and would consider donating to a reasonable store bought cake.   HOWEVER, Even though I might bend on a cake,   your mileage may vary. I still reserve the right not to donate to anything (expensive swingsets :) ) that I don't see as a useful contribution.  Never let yourself feel used- only give what you can with a glad heart.  I think it ends up hurting the relationship either way, but you matter too.  No one likes to feel like a bank.

'

Edited by skipped
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On 4/19/2017 at 11:48 AM, BSW said:

I think the request is off-putting.  There are so many ways to go with a child's first bday party, depending on the budget, so if the host can't afford the cake smash or 2 cakes, etc, then asking others for a contribution is not the solution.  It is rather ill mannered to be honest.  Instead a party can be hosted within a host's budget, and if that requires that the host make the bday cake, etc. which is lovely, then so be it.  On thing I know for sure is the bday kid at age 1, won't care either way.

Also, I think a gift should be given with an open heart and without feeling obligated.  So, if this $$ contribution for the party gift isn't working for you, decline and give what you wish to your GK.

 

All this  ^^^ and more of the same. Who started this smash cake idea anyway?

Anonymous poster hash: ea945...f93

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