• Announcements

    • LatoyaADMIN

      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LatoyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.
SueSTx

Common newborn visitation

33 posts in this topic

1 hour ago, Komorebi said:

 

Aside from that, I don't need to know anyone's history, or preference, to detect that they are upset- 

 

If you're still referring here ^^^^ to the new member in the locked thread, yes, no doubt, she's upset about her DD's plan. And I think it's very normal for someone to wonder, in effect, "After I've done so much for you, why can't you do this/that one thing for me?" But I trust she gave her pregnant DD the support she gave out of love, not out of an attempt to insure a certain timetable. And I hope she can see that the main focus needs to be on the pregnant mom and baby - especially after those 3 tragic losses. Sure the GM2B has her hopes/wishes/expectations, too, but, IMO, they need to go on the back burner.

 Fortunately, she has already figured out other ways to spend her time on that first day. Just that could easily make the difference, IMO, between good and poor relations w/ DD in the near future.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Come to think of it, we've had moms/MILs come in here complaining that their DD and SIL or DS and DIL didn't want them to come to see their new baby till they were home a few days - or even weeks or, in some cases, months. Not to mention those who griped that they were invited to visit baby in the hospital, briefly, but then not again for a few weeks or months. It seems to me there is just a broader spectrum of wishes/expectations, nowadays, than there was in the past.  Some people seem to favor  immediate and frequent visits by family and friends; others, more private bonding time for the new family; and everything in between.

Edited by RoseRed135
clarity
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, RoseRed135 said:

If you're still referring here ^^^^ to the new member in the locked thread, yes, no doubt, she's upset about her DD's plan. And I think it's very normal for someone to wonder, in effect, "After I've done so much for you, why can't you do this/that one thing for me?" But I trust she gave her pregnant DD the support she gave out of love, not out of an attempt to insure a certain timetable. And I hope she can see that the main focus needs to be on the pregnant mom and baby - especially after those 3 tragic losses. Sure the GM2B has her hopes/wishes/expectations, too, but, IMO, they need to go on the back burner.

 Fortunately, she has already figured out other ways to spend her time on that first day. Just that could easily make the difference, IMO, between good and poor relations w/ DD in the near future.

Im sticking to my guns on this one, Rose- I do think if she has an even halfway healthy relationship with her daughter that they could discuss the text without issue- Not everything fits on the back burner ..  Totally agree with the rest-

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

16 hours ago, RoseRed135 said:

 .... broader spectrum of wishes/expectations ....... Some people seem to favor immediate and frequent visits by family and friends; others, more private bonding time for the new family; and everything in between.

Rose seems correct. There are many variations regarding what people favor for visits after baby. My sisters and I had visits over a broad spectrum of ways. We had our babies between early 60s and mid 80s. One of my sisters had no visitors at all for 6 months compared to needy sister almost had mom move in with her. My folks were in waiting room with one BIL.

When we had our kids we were mid-spectrum, people visited/viewed in the hospital and then we hunkered down alone with our babies until my husband went back to work from his saved vacation days (from 2.5 to 8 weeks). MIL and FIL were silently unhappy with our choices, she was particularly nutty on the topic of our babies, mom was wonderfully able to wait.

Our kids are also all over the map. We have visited all 17 babies in the hospital for a few minutes. The time until we saw the babies next varied between 2 weeks - to last summer when MDS baby was 3 months old before we saw him again (well, other than our GD who sadly lives here). We've not been waiting room warriors, and we've only had to be in L&D with our DDs. Good overall.

ETA: For us/our kids, hospital visits are/have been the only visits. Then at 2 weeks to 2-3 months another visit. I actually don't know anyone who has had to endure visits, at home, while recovering from childbirth. But, I see from what LilMommy says, some new moms have to put up with invasions. I'd have been furious if my husband couldn't control his parents.

No one size fits all, GPs should quietly do what they are asked, wait as long as needed.

Edited by JanelleK
space, clarity
2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

IMHO, it's wise to respect the mom's wishes whether it be lots of company, scheduled company or no company in order to build or maintain a respectful relationship with the entire family.  

My PILs stayed with us when I was scheduled for induction when DS was born to help take care of DD during my hospital stay.  Induction didn't go as planned and it ended up being an emergency c-section.  They came to the hospital as soon as my husband called them.  It had been my understanding that PILs were going home as soon as I got released from the hospital and that their stay would allow H to stay with me in the hospital.  Instead, he left for home saying he didn't trust them to take care of DD on their own.  Unbeknownst to me, my husband and FIL devised a plan to add a half-bath in our master bedroom during my recovery.  Imagine my surprise when I returned home and learned I could not get any privacy or go lay down in my own bedroom.  H was angry because he thought I was ungrateful.  Having another bathroom was definitely appreciated, but I felt it could have been planned better in the preceding 9 months.   

MIL was offended by my nursing.  Since I couldn't go to my bedroom to nurse, the next most comfortable place was the living room.  MIL would get offended "Ugh!  Do you have to do THAT here?!!!" and stomp out of the living room.

So lovely to feel so uncomfortable in my own home after surgery by guests who overstayed their welcome.  NOT!!!

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SueSTx says there are no do overs and that's right. If you doubt, look to the USS Fitzgerald for a timely example. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rosered, disagree about the back burner, out back in the sand lot is more appropriate. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My kids range in age from 15 months to 15 years (holy crow that's cool!  I can only say that for another couple of weeks!).  They were all born between the hours of 1AM and 7AM.  I should note that I'm NOT a morning person.  

With the last little one, I had only DH and my kids visit- my personal rule was nobody meets him before the rest of his household does- his older siblings.  A close friend of mine had my big kids, so she met youngest when she brought my big kids to visit him around noon on the day he was born.  My parents met him the afternoon after he was born, right after we were discharged.  My husband's brother and one of his aunts met him last week.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now