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RoseRed135

Cutting off an adult son or daughter - Does it ever make sense?

15 posts in this topic

Usually, in this forum we talk about parents/GPs being CO (cut off) from their AC (adult child/ren) and or CIL (child/ren-in-law) and, consequently, often loosing access to the GC at the same time. Such GPs generally bemoan any loss of relationship w/ both their AC and their GC (and, sometimes, even the loss of that w/ their CIL).

But, sometimes, you (general) hear of a GP who has CO their AC/CIL,. Also, again, as a result, they often lose contact w/ the GC. Why would a GP deny themselves a relationship w/ their own adult son or daughter? And w/ their GC who, presumably, have nothing to do w/ the adult conflicts involved? Does it ever make any sense?

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Even the younger generation does have some toxic members.  It is possible that the older generation has had enough and enforces a CO but I think usually a VLC situation.

Yes, the grands can be collateral damage, but sometimes enough is just enough.

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No matter the generation, sometimes too much **** is too much ****. 

Anonymous poster hash: e4647...4ab

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12 hours ago, RoseRed135 said:

Usually, in this forum we talk about parents/GPs being CO (cut off) from their AC (adult child/ren) and or CIL (child/ren-in-law) and, consequently, often loosing access to the GC at the same time. Such GPs generally bemoan any loss of relationship w/ both their AC and their GC (and, sometimes, even the loss of that w/ their CIL).

But, sometimes, you (general) hear of a GP who has CO their AC/CIL,. Also, again, as a result, they often lose contact w/ the GC. Why would a GP deny themselves a relationship w/ their own adult son or daughter? And w/ their GC who, presumably, have nothing to do w/ the adult conflicts involved? Does it ever make any sense?

Of course it does.

Toxic, abusive people are not limited to a single age group, relationship, gender, etc.

Everyone has the right to be free from abuse.

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The toxicity of drugs, alcohol and/or abuse has caused the end to some friendships over the years...one of DH's grand nephews has become rather outcast due tthan to o his drug use...I'm still pleasant to him when I see him, but never offer anything and he knows better than to ask for anything or come to my house.

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20 minutes ago, Mame925 said:

The toxicity of drugs, alcohol and/or abuse has caused the end to some friendships over the years...one of DH's grand nephews has become rather outcast due tthan to o his drug use...I'm still pleasant to him when I see him, but never offer anything and he knows better than to ask for anything or come to my house.

That's a difficult situation for all involved- But I've seen some terrible situations turn around- I hope it happens for him too-

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15 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

That's a difficult situation for all involved- But I've seen some terrible situations turn around- I hope it happens for him too-

Thanks, me too...he's only 22 so there is great hope.

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I reached a point of enough is enough with my youngest-  It didn't last long, it taught us both lessons, and brought us closer together in the end- There were no grandchildren involved, however -- so I don't know if that counts-

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34 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

I reached a point of enough is enough with my youngest-  It didn't last long, it taught us both lessons, and brought us closer together in the end- There were no grandchildren involved, however -- so I don't know if that counts-

Of course it counts.

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Yep, of course, it does.

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I once tossed my YDS out of my life told him he had a choice if he's going to run with those kind of people he couldn't have both them and his family he needed to make a choice. Ended up leaving a note on his windshield told him have a nice life and call once in a while so I know you are not dead. Took him 3 days to come home. He was 18 at the time he turned his life around and I'm proud of who he is today. That was 19 years ago. 

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13 hours ago, JustaGrandma said:

I once tossed my YDS out of my life told him he had a choice if he's going to run with those kind of people he couldn't have both them and his family he needed to make a choice. Ended up leaving a note on his windshield told him have a nice life and call once in a while so I know you are not dead. Took him 3 days to come home. He was 18 at the time he turned his life around and I'm proud of who he is today. That was 19 years ago. 

Our situation was about the same, at the exact same age- Although it took place only 4 years ago- And it lasted just over 3 months -- we're a stubborn bunch .. But lots of changes took place after returning home, returning to school, completing courses, securing a job, purchasing a vehicle, not to mention attitude adjustments and respecting the already loose house rules- One year after reaching "enough is enough", to the month, a new place to live was secured with stellar room mates-

Sometimes people say not that much can change in a short period of time but I've witnessed my adult children switch gears and direction on the drop of a dime so know it's possible-

Edited by Komorebi
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On 7/9/2017 at 1:22 PM, Komorebi said:

Our situation was about the same, at the exact same age- Although it took place only 4 years ago- And it lasted just over 3 months -- we're a stubborn bunch .. But lots of changes took place after returning home, returning to school, completing courses, securing a job, purchasing a vehicle, not to mention attitude adjustments and respecting the already loose house rules- One year after reaching "enough is enough", to the month, a new place to live was secured with stellar room mates-

Sometimes people say not that much can change in a short period of time but I've witnessed my adult children switch gears and direction on the drop of a dime so know it's possible-

Yes it is possible and yes they do change 

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Maybe the adults have been thinking over the change for months and the last action was the last straw for them and they reacted by final switching gears and directions...not really on the drop of a dime to them, but much anticipated?

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18 minutes ago, SueSTx said:

Maybe the adults have been thinking over the change for months and the last action was the last straw for them and they reacted by final switching gears and directions...not really on the drop of a dime to them, but much anticipated?

Well, posters here often say this about AC and CIL who CO a parent/PIL. So, no doubt, the same could be true the other way around.

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