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darkprincess

Photos

9 posts in this topic

While reading through other posts I was reminded of several situations I have had with grandparents concerning pictures of grandkids. This isn't really a problem just an interesting discussion point if anyone is interested.

Pre-cell phone era, DH and I had a cheap yet workable camera that we used to take pictures of normal stuff-trips to the zoo, family events, playing at the park. I knew that both grandmas owned slightly better cameras than us and knew how to use them just as much, if not more, than I did. I would occasionally send them (both my mom and MIL) casual photos of my child by mail and then as they started using e-mail electronically. When we were at events together I made it clear that they were free to take whatever photos of the kids that they wanted.

Only once have I ever asked them to be careful with the pictures and that was when my mom posted several photos with captions that when looked at together had too much identifying information (one had dd's first name, one had her last name, one had her exact birthday and year, one had our home town) individually not a huge problem, together if could lead to ID theft. I just asked her to be careful with captions on Facebook.

However they would always either forget their cameras, even when I reminded them to bring them, or they would forget to take photos. Then they would request that I send them copies of the photos that I took. Sometimes I would send a few of the better pictures. Then they would start to request that I take particular photos to send them. Eventually I knew I couldn't continue the practice or I would become the "family photographer." I would let them know that they should get their camera to take a photo because I wanted to be interactive with everyone not spend lots of family time behind a camera.

Conversations on the phone and at events continued to include a request for a photo of the kids when we all went to the zoo, or could I send them a photo of the event that they couldn't go to. As cell phones became common I would simply respond that they should take a picture with their phone, and eventually I told them both that they were free to see any pictures that I posted on Facebook or other social media. They are also free to come and take whatever pictures they wanted. Once or twice I made photo albums for them for Christmas or birthdays, but on the whole I stopped sending them pictures directly. Neither grandparent really liked the photo albums, it just wasn't their thing.

They still request photos. I have solved the issue by letting them both know they are welcome to have any photos I have on Facebook. I understand why they want them, especially for events that they can't attend. What I don't understand is why they don't want to take any of their own with their own cameras when they can.

Does any one have any insight or similar experiences.

How did casual photos work in families pre-cell phone, e-mail, Facebook?

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DH covered is shyness by being the designated photographer...it allowed him to interact on levels comfortable for him...and he was enormously popular...And that left me free to mingle and do my own thing, or, when I was so done with that, I could help him take a few more pix then we could leave. Sometimes I didn't know what a good time I'd had until we went over the pix later. So, I rarely took pictures. Now, however, I rarely take pictures even with my phone. I need to work on that. I was partying all across the midwest & south for 2 weeks...and you can count on one hand how many pix I took, with my phone. Several of my travel buds are good photographers who are very generous with their pictures. I don't ask for other folks' photos. I've come to the conclusion that if I want pictures I will take them myself. 

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1 hour ago, darkprincess said:

 

How did casual photos work in families pre-cell phone, e-mail, Facebook?

LOL! There almost always seems to be a "photo issue" w/ someone, most often between parent and GP, IME. Years ago, DM used to ask for photos of the kids after a bday party, Christmas, etc., even though she was perfectly capable of taking them herself. Once she managed to sneak some of the negatives (back in the day when we had to have negatives developed), have them developed, herself, and bring them back (though we had already discovered the "loan").

IDKY. Maybe it was b/c she wanted photos to show her friends when they pulled out photos of their GC, as GPs often did. But again, why not take them herself? IDK She did, eventually, but why not sooner? Perhaps it's something she thought young parents were "supposed to" do? IDK.

Fortunately, back then, we didn't have any issues about where she could display them or who she could show them to. We knew she would put some of the larger ones up in her house, keep a few wallet-size ones in her purse to show to friends when she visited them, etc. and place any others in one of her various albums. Much of the new technology - emails, texts, FB, etc - and the ability to snap a pic w/ comparative ease on one's phone - all of this has complicated the situation, IMO, in a number of ways.

Even so, it's a little better w/ DH and me, I'm happy to say. Generally, we take our own photos of our GC (and DDs, too, etc), check others' photos of them out on FB or wait for them to give us photos as Christmas gifts, as they often do. Sometimes, DH complains if one of them takes "too long" to give us a picture they promised, but, thankfully, he only voices his gripe to me (and yes, I remind him of how irritated we used to get if DM said we were taking "too long" ;) ). YDD is very cautious about posting pix of her kids on FB. Also, she doesn't want us to post/share any, and we respect that.

If I weren't on this website, would we have had some arguments over some of this? Possibly, though I knew I didn't want a "photo issue" w/ my DDs like I had w/ DM. So IDK. I do know that for some parent/GP relations, photos have become a minefield.

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If a person ever looked at the photos I ever took pre digital camera, it would be apparent why I didn't enjoy taking pictures.  Maybe out of a full roll of film I would have one or two pictures worth sharing.  With digital, I can take hundreds and only save maybe 10 or 20.  It just doesn't seem worth it anymore.  Neither hubby nor I care to have our pictures taken and if we are on a outing with the GDs, I want to hear everything they have to say, not be telling them "smile".

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13 hours ago, SueSTx said:

, I want to hear everything they have to say, not be telling them "smile".

This is so my philosophy for pictures. I am fine with other people taking photos as long as it isn't excessive-activity becomes s photo shoot instead of a walk in the park. I do take some photos and usually each instance I quickly take 5 in succession within a 60 second period and then delete all but the best one so it appears I only took one shot. But I prefer to be involved in the event. Sometimes I wish I had a sibling who made them the designated photographer like Mame's husband.

I am careful what I post on social media but once it's posted I am fine with sharing. I figure if I posted it, it is already out there.

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Pictures and my MIL was a sore spot for me. I used to print pictures of ODS when he was a baby for her when she would visit. And then it turned into an expectation - there would be pictures every visit, even if it had only been a week or two since seeing her. Hearing "Where are MY pictures" over and over eventually got to be like nails on a chalkboard for me. So I turned it over to DH. He'd ask me to send him a few photos, and he'd take care of it printing them and getting them to her. 

The other thing that drove me bonkers was that when ODS was a few months old, DH and made the decision together to upgrade to a DSLR. My MIL hated this camera - it was too much money, it's "too fancy", her disposable camera she doesn't know how to work takes just as good pictures, etc, etc. Complained about it endlessly. But she sure felt entitled to the photos I was taking with it. She'd tell me it was a waste of money and then in the next sentence ask for the photos.

Now I'm right where you are DP - the pictures my MIL gets are the ones I post to Facebook that everyone else can see. DH downloads them from FB and prints them. I'm not going out of my way to turn them over to her anymore. 

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I'm sure this will go under the category of borrowing trouble, but DH and I have already decided to be extremely tightfisted with photos and we don't even have children yet. 
 
MIL gave us a preview of what we could expect when one of her good friends (another mother of a son) became a GM. I was sent IMO very private photos of mommy and baby and I had never even met her or the father. Turns out after some prodding MIL had never met her either but somehow was disappointed she could not be a waiting room warrior with her friend and felt completely comfortable sending pictures of new mommy and baby to who knows how many people as well as sharing and discussing some of their childcare decisions.  
When we asked if she knew the parents were comfortable with her sharing their pictures she got super angry and defensive.  Our silver lining to this whole scenario is we got a chance to see what she thinks is ok with someone who is not even related to her so we feel comfortable assuming the crazy will be worse with our children.  DH and I are both in agreement that she will not get a single picture that we are not comfortable being plastered all over the internet and sent to everyone she knows... sadly for her we are extremely private people who have gone years without updating our FB pictures.
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@redpoppies - I don't think you're "borrowing trouble." That would be the case if you based your  concerns on something MIL's friend did. But you're basing them on MIL's behavior and her reaction to your question. IMO, you and DH have made an informed decision to protect your privacy and any future children. Very wise, IMO.

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I'm mid 60's and my fb pic is me at 9 months old.

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