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josem

Paternity Test Waiting on Results

14 posts in this topic

I don't even know where to start with this.  My son and his girlfriend had a wonderful baby boy last July.  He was our first grandchild and we fell crazy in love with him.  They are very young and with some help from us we thought they were on the right path.  Grandson was six months old and my son loses his job .We told them they could move in with us to save some $ and get on their feet. We loved having our grandson there but things started to go bad quickly.

They started to argue constantly.  Girlfriend was ****** that son was not working and started arguments with him constantly and ignored the baby and provided no care to him whatsoever.  She works for sisters husband.  She started working constantly and was gone every weekend at "events" to sell their products. 

This went on for 2 months then she dropped the bomb that she had cheated on my son and was not sure if the baby was even his.  I found out that she had told him this while she was pregnant and he said he forgave her and was sure that the baby was his.. and supported her through her pregnancy and does not question that the baby is his.

They get back together after she leaves for a week...  Son gets a job and we encourage her to stay home and take care of her baby during the week and we can all help out if she wants to work on the weekends.  This drives her crazy and she starts acting out. They got their income tax refund and she starts spending money like crazy.  New clothes. new shoes. expensive dinners, electronics... she goes through $ quick while we are thinking...hey shouldn't you be saving to move out? 

My husband and I do not say much and hope they can work their problems out.  Things get worse.  They starting having really horrible daily arguments and she starts drinking and going out several times a week.  Husband and i are doing most of the child care at this point when we are home because son is stressed out and the fighting is getting out of hand.

Then... she stays out all night on a Friday night and does not come home or call. He gets ahold of her the next day and she says she needs time to herself and wont be back until Sunday night.  Forgot to mention that they only have one car which is my sons that he has always let her drive.  She ends up wrecking his car and things go from bad to worst.  All the while we are watching and loving our grandbaby with all our hearts and providing for his every need.

Then she drops the next bomb.  She says she does not love our son... as a matter of fact she does not even like "guys" and has been kidding herself and says she is a lesbian.  Well... thats it .. We tell her she has to leave. I have nothing against gay people whatsoever.  My son did not want her there and it was obvious that things were never going to work out between them.

She takes the baby which we were not thrilled about and goes to her Mom and Dads.  Things are tense for awhile but we continue to see our grandbaby.  My son is starting to heal and we are accepting that maybe the reason she has been so unhappy is that she is living a lie and wants to live as a lesbian. (her parents don't know this and she says they would kick her out if they knew)..  We meet her girlfriend... we accept her.  We make arrangements to have the baby every Wednesday night and keep him every weekend from Friday to Sunday.  We even give her an old car to drive , my son provides formula, diapers, and pays her cell phone bill for her.

This goes on for a while and they start to co parent pretty well... with our help of course. 

Then she breaks up with girlfriend... has problems with her family (who does not approve of her letting us have the baby every weekend)... She expresses to me that she does not think she "deserves" to be a mother.  I tell her we will be happy to take the baby with temporary custody until she gets the help she needs.  I of course worry about the care that he is getting by we see no signs of any problems with him... he is growing and happy and healthy baby.

The cheating episode comes up again and she says she cannot take the guilt and uncertainty and wants a DNA test to see if my son is truly the father.  My grandson is now 1 year old.  I don't care if he is a blood relation or not we all love him and want to be in his life. I cannot help but think her family wants to prevent us from seeing him and is scared that we are going to try to get custody.  We cant figure out why she keeps changing her mind. 

My son agrees to finally have a test done I think he realizes this is something he has to face. (they went today).  She says that nothing will change according to the results.  I know that remains to be seen.  I hope and pray that my son is the father and have finally talked him into getting things documented through the courts and having visitation rights set up by the court.  What a nightmare.  We love this baby more than anyone can imagine and if we lose contact it is going to be devastating.

I just wanted to tell my story and pray that no matter what we still get to be part of his life. We  should know by Wednesday.  Say a prayer for me please.

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, josem said:

I don't even know where to start with this.  My son and his girlfriend had a wonderful baby boy last July.  He was our first grandchild and we fell crazy in love with him.  They are very young and with some help from us we thought they were on the right path.  Grandson was six months old and my son loses his job .We told them they could move in with us to save some $ and get on their feet. We loved having our grandson there but things started to go bad quickly.

They started to argue constantly.  Girlfriend was ****** that son was not working and started arguments with him constantly and ignored the baby and provided no care to him whatsoever.  She works for sisters husband.  She started working constantly and was gone every weekend at "events" to sell their products. 

This went on for 2 months then she dropped the bomb that she had cheated on my son and was not sure if the baby was even his.  I found out that she had told him this while she was pregnant and he said he forgave her and was sure that the baby was his.. and supported her through her pregnancy and does not question that the baby is his.

They get back together after she leaves for a week...  Son gets a job and we encourage her to stay home and take care of her baby during the week and we can all help out if she wants to work on the weekends.  This drives her crazy and she starts acting out. They got their income tax refund and she starts spending money like crazy.  New clothes. new shoes. expensive dinners, electronics... she goes through $ quick while we are thinking...hey shouldn't you be saving to move out? 

My husband and I do not say much and hope they can work their problems out.  Things get worse.  They starting having really horrible daily arguments and she starts drinking and going out several times a week.  Husband and i are doing most of the child care at this point when we are home because son is stressed out and the fighting is getting out of hand.

Then... she stays out all night on a Friday night and does not come home or call. He gets ahold of her the next day and she says she needs time to herself and wont be back until Sunday night.  Forgot to mention that they only have one car which is my sons that he has always let her drive.  She ends up wrecking his car and things go from bad to worst.  All the while we are watching and loving our grandbaby with all our hearts and providing for his every need.

Then she drops the next bomb.  She says she does not love our son... as a matter of fact she does not even like "guys" and has been kidding herself and says she is a lesbian.  Well... thats it .. We tell her she has to leave. I have nothing against gay people whatsoever.  My son did not want her there and it was obvious that things were never going to work out between them.

She takes the baby which we were not thrilled about and goes to her Mom and Dads.  Things are tense for awhile but we continue to see our grandbaby.  My son is starting to heal and we are accepting that maybe the reason she has been so unhappy is that she is living a lie and wants to live as a lesbian. (her parents don't know this and she says they would kick her out if they knew)..  We meet her girlfriend... we accept her.  We make arrangements to have the baby every Wednesday night and keep him every weekend from Friday to Sunday.  We even give her an old car to drive , my son provides formula, diapers, and pays her cell phone bill for her.

This goes on for a while and they start to co parent pretty well... with our help of course. 

Then she breaks up with girlfriend... has problems with her family (who does not approve of her letting us have the baby every weekend)... She expresses to me that she does not think she "deserves" to be a mother.  I tell her we will be happy to take the baby with temporary custody until she gets the help she needs.  I of course worry about the care that he is getting by we see no signs of any problems with him... he is growing and happy and healthy baby.

The cheating episode comes up again and she says she cannot take the guilt and uncertainty and wants a DNA test to see if my son is truly the father.  My grandson is now 1 year old.  I don't care if he is a blood relation or not we all love him and want to be in his life. I cannot help but think her family wants to prevent us from seeing him and is scared that we are going to try to get custody.  We cant figure out why she keeps changing her mind. 

My son agrees to finally have a test done I think he realizes this is something he has to face. (they went today).  She says that nothing will change according to the results.  I know that remains to be seen.  I hope and pray that my son is the father and have finally talked him into getting things documented through the courts and having visitation rights set up by the court.  What a nightmare.  We love this baby more than anyone can imagine and if we lose contact it is going to be devastating.

I just wanted to tell my story and pray that no matter what we still get to be part of his life. We  should know by Wednesday.  Say a prayer for me please.

 

 

 

Wow.

You have all been through a lot. (((Hugs!))) Glad you feel comfortable enough here to share your story w/ us.

As far as I can see, you and DH (dear husband) have been a big part of GS' life and it's most likely to his benefit to continue to have you in it. I hope the paternity test proves that GS is, in fact, DS' child. But if not, I hope that it's true that "nothing will change," anyhow, as GF says. You're wise, IMO, to realize she could change her mind about that.

For that reason among others, I'm glad DS is getting visitation via the court, etc. Once he does, I hope he can share some of his visitation time w/ you and then you won't have to depend on GF's allowing it.

You and DH sound like very loving parents and GPs.

Definitely saying a prayer for you... Peace...

Edited by RoseRed135

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Thanks for your reply. We got the results of paternity test today and my son is not the father. Not sure where we go from here. I have never been so heartbroke in my life.

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So sorry you are going through this. I will keep you in my thoughts.

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@josem I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine how devastated you must be. Just know we will be here to support you moving forward....we'll leave the light on.

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@josem - My heart goes out to you! More (((hugs!))

If and when - and only if and when - you feel up to another question... is DS still going through w/ seeking visitation?

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My son is numb and is saying that he does not want to speak to his girlfriend.  My husband and I both want to continue to see the baby.  I have contacted her to tell her how heartbroke we are and that we still want to see baby and still think of him as our grandchild.  She is  not responding to me so I don't know what to do.  I only sent her a text... am not overly bugging her.  I think she wants to hear from my son but he wants nothing to do with her and I am afraid that he wants to stop seeing child since he knows he is not his.

I seriously doubt if we have any rights as grandparents so am not sure what to do.  We know we have to do what my son wants but we are torn up about the love we have for this baby and want to continue to be in his life.  Out of the 1 year of his life he has lived with us for 4 months and the rest of the time  we have had  him 4 days per week every Wed, Fri, Sat. and Sun.

This is heart wrenching!

 

 

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(((Huggs)))

My good friend's son fathered a child while still I school and decided to sign away any parental rights.  Her kids are now both thirty something and she still has no other grandchildren.  Grandparenting can be a heart wrenching

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@josem - More (((hugs!)))

IMO, all you can do right now is wait for DS and GF to each process this new information and see how they want to handle this. DS needs time for that numbness to wear off, etc.

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Sorry you are going thru this.  I would check with your local social services and/or state laws, considering the circumstances you may have visitation rights with your Grandbaby.

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Posted (edited)

Welll... to my knowledge, there wouldn't be any automatic visitation rights, even if baby were DS's actual child. But there would probably be the right to file for visitation.

Under the present circumstances, josem, you might have the same right to file since you have been so involved in the child's life. IDK But, if so, please remember that filing doesn't guarantee a win. Also, it would mean taking GF to court - an action that may antagonize one or both of them and, as a result, end up damaging any relationship you have w/ baby. Besides, hopefully, GF will let you resume your relationship w/ baby, in time, anyhow, or DS will get visitation, after all, and share it w/ you.

So if you decide to look into it and if find out you find out that you have a chance of getting visitation through the courts, I strongly recommend putting that idea on hold. Especially now when emotions, no doubt, are running high. I suggest waiting to give everyone a chance to calm down and to see if GF or DS arranges visits for you on their own. Court, IMO, should always be a last resort in these cases.

In fact, even if all you decide to do is "look into" the matter, please be careful not to mention it to DS or GF - or anyone who might repeat it to them. Just knowing that you're thinking about court action could turn them both off completely. Please don't do anything in haste at this sensitive time... Peace...

ETA: I know you didn't mention "court," josem. I'm posting this only b/c the topic of "rights" came up.

Edited by RoseRed135
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Thanks Rose.  I have some very good news.  I was pretty patient and had to realize that sons GF knew I cared about seeing baby.  I reassured her  that no matter what he is my grandchild.

She called us Wednesday night.  Said how sorry she was for what we are going through and asked if we wanted to see him.  We got him for about 4 hours and it was wonderful.  He was soooooo excited to see us.  He was grabbed onto my husbands neck and would not let go.  I have to admit I was a little jealous of hubby... but he had lots of love for me too. 

I am not pressuring GF ... just sent her a text and thanked her and told her to call me if she needed anything. 

She called me today and wants us to keep him Saturday night.  I'm going to take this one day at a time and just be thankful, helpful, and love this little guy as long as I can.

 

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:yahoo::give_rose::clapping:

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On 9/1/2017 at 3:29 PM, josem said:

Thanks Rose.  I have some very good news.  I was pretty patient and had to realize that sons GF knew I cared about seeing baby.  I reassured her  that no matter what he is my grandchild.

She called us Wednesday night.  Said how sorry she was for what we are going through and asked if we wanted to see him.  We got him for about 4 hours and it was wonderful.  He was soooooo excited to see us.  He was grabbed onto my husbands neck and would not let go.  I have to admit I was a little jealous of hubby... but he had lots of love for me too. 

I am not pressuring GF ... just sent her a text and thanked her and told her to call me if she needed anything. 

She called me today and wants us to keep him Saturday night I'm going to take this one day at a time and just be thankful, helpful, and love this little guy as long as I can.

 

This is all such joyous news! IMO, you're wise to "take this one day at a time" though.

How did Saturday night work out?

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