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      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LatoyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.
RoseRed135

Welcome to Grandparents Caring for Grandkids 2017(includes link to acronym guide and other info about this community)!

15 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Welcome to Grandparents Caring for Grandkids!  Come on in!

About this forum - This is a place to explore the issues of grandparents raising grandchildren* and GP babysitters/caregivers, as well as childcare and childrearing, in general. No issue or question about these topics is too big - or too small - for us to discuss! We even enjoy a series of threads focused on kids at specific ages/stages.

So whether you're raising your GC (grandchildren) or other relative kids, helping to raise them, serving as the regular "granny/relative nanny" or the now-and-then babysitter - or if you are a parent of underage children - I invite you to come in and vent about your scenario, whenever you're ready, and/or seek/give advice. Same if you have been/will soon be in one of these situations. All other opinions are welcome also.

Please realize, though, that when a poster is unloading about such scenarios , they might make some unpleasant remarks about some of the people in their life. At the same time, please understand that, given the broad spectrum of views enjoyed here, you may be treated to some perspectives you didn't expect to hear.  Even when we disagree, however, I trust that we can all speak to each other w/ respect, and, most often, at least a little bit of compassion.

Please also realize that if you're a newcomer, you'll need to amass 10 posts before you can open a conversation thread of your own (see more about that in the post below).

About this thread - This thread contains information about this forum and this community, Posts #s 2-9 in this thread are numbered at the upper left corner of each post. For your convenience, in posts 3-8, I'm organizing info  by category ("Posting in This Group," "Profile Pages," etc. ). Also, If you're looking for a guide to acronyms and other Internet terms often used in this community, there's a link to one in post 2.

Bold lettering is used in this thread for category and other titles, and for emphasis. The latest updates will be written in red. Often, new thoughts will, as well.

 About you & me -  I'm RoseRed135, Lead Moderator of this forum. Happily married for several years, I'm also the proud mother of two wonderful DDs (dear daughters) and the equally the proud GM (grandmother) of 2 adorable (of course) GC, (not to mention that I have a great son-in-law!). As a "granny nanny," I watch my DGC some part of several days a week, while their mom/my YDD (younger dear daughter) goes to school, work, etc.

If you're new here, please introduce yourself, when you're ready, either below (just key your comments in the Reply box and hit the Post button) or in a relevant stickypost (thread pinned to the front of the forum):

 

 

 

If you're a returnee, welcome back! And please feel free to introduce/re-introduce yourself, as well.  Also, if you've been a regular member of the Community for a while, please feel free to come in this thread, too, and help welcome newcomers and returnees. And if you already commented in a former Welcome thread here, no worries - it's still here, just down the page or further back and locked.

 

Anyhow, hope you find the conversations in here interesting and meaningful. Delighted to have you here! :db: :give_rose: :db:

 

* Looking for Legal (& Financial) Resources? -  Neither GP.com nor I claim to be legal or financial experts. But if you have custody of/are raising your GC/relative kids or serving as their foster parent and need legal (or, in some cases, financial) direction, please check out post 9 below.. The sites mentioned /links provided there might be helpful.

ETA: Please read on for some helpful information...

Edited by RoseRed135
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Posted (edited)

2

Some helpful threads from GP.com...

... to help you get started/restarted  (even if you didn't "just join," please realize that much may have changed on this site, especially if you've been gone a long time.) :

 

... to check out your current options/permissions...

 

 

 

Also, please realize that if you're new here, you need to amass 10 replies before you can start a topic of your own:

 

The same is true for opening a blog or being able to access the Gallery.

Also from the Welcome section (above the Index), a thread that pulls a lot together:

 

 

From Club Newcomer...

some suggestions on how (or how not) to rack up those 10 posts:

 

 

And from right here in this forum...

More specific posting  guidelines:

 

While it says "on this forum" in here ^^^, these rules are actually for the whole Community  - Forums, Blogs, Gallery, etc. In fact, you'll find a similar thread or the link to one pinned to every group.

Also, please note that these guidelines were originally posted in 2015. As such, not all of them may necessarily be reflected in any threads you might read that are older than that. Nor do we mods go back and edit/delete posts in such old threads retroactively.

 

And some tips for GP babysitters/caregivers:

 

 

There are also a couple of pinned threads in MIL Anonymous you might find useful...

... if you're looking for an acronym/definitions guide...

 

 

... or instructions to change your username (if your actual email addy or full name is in it, we recommend this change for greater privacy):

 

 

 

Still got technical or other questions about the Community? Please feel free to ask what you want to know in the Members' Questions section at the top of the Community Index: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/41-member-questions/  Just click on Ask a Question and key your concern into the box that appears. This is not subject to the 10-reply rule, but it is only for technical/Community questions, and not for personal advice.

You can also contact GP.com by simply clicking on "Contact Us" at the bottom of the Index Page and keying in your message.

Please also feel free to ask any questions about this particular group here, below, or in a PM (private/personal ) message to me (just click on my name, hit Message and go from there).

Read on for more information about this group and this community (used to be in the "How it all works" thread which is now further down the page and locked).

Edited by RoseRed135
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Posted (edited)

3

JOINING AND PARTICIPATING

HOW TO "JOIN" THIS GROUP:

Any signed-up, signed-in member of GP.com can post in any forum, including this one. You do not have to officially "join."  But you must be a member of this website and signed/logged in if you want to post.

How to Sign Up - 1. You'll see a Sign Up button, right here, on the top-right of the page - click it on and go from there.

HOW TO SIGN/LOG IN  to this Community:

Click the Sign-In button at the top-right of any of these Community Groups pages and go from there.

ETA: If you're having difficulty logging/signing in, check out this post by LatoyaAdmin: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/announcement/6-what-to-do-if-you-get-a-wrong-password-message/


THE LEAD MODERATOR - . Almost every forum has a "Lead Moderator" (or moderators), a main mod (or mods) in charge of that group. (For this  group, that would be me, as I said earlier.)

All designated mods (those with the status of "Moderator" over their avatar) have identical powers in all the groups. BUT we have a kind of informal agreement that we each will respect the others' sovereignty/authority over the group(s) where they are Lead Mod. 

 

 USERNAMES

1. If you click on your username at the top-right of any Community page, you'll find a number of options available to you. Most of them are self-explanatory or easy to comprehend once you click them on. (Those w/ gray background not currently available.) But I thought I'd provide further explanation about the following 2:

      - Account Settings - This option leads you to a number of others. It's where you can fill out/change your username (display name), email address and password. It also has a "Signature" option, where you can key in "your" signature or change it. A "signature" is a comment or saying that you key in and appears on the bottom of each or your posts, PMs, etc. (like mine that you see at the bottom of this post).  It's also the place to check your Notification settings (See more about this in the second post about profiles, further down in this thread.)  And it provides another icon for editing your profile.

       - Ignored Users - This option shows you if there are any posters whose content you're blocking and provided a place for you to choose Members for that option (more about this later in this post).

2. If you hold your cursor over any username, a kind of mini-profile will pop up.,  showing you some of the same items you would see on a Member's actual profile page (more about that later).. Most notably, it lets you see what any given Member is doing here, at any time, message the Member (just click on Messages) and find some of their more recent posts (click on Find Content). But more about messaging and finding content later...

3. Your Email Addy, Full Name and Changing Your ID - See advice on this and link to "How to change your username" in post 2 above.

4.  MULTIPLE IDs - GP.com does not allow members to have more than one account/ID, at a time. To learn more about this, please see Guideline #1 in "New, Concise Version of the Posting and Moderating Guidelines" (see link in post  2 above).

 

 

BROWSING FORUMS,THREADS AND POSTS:

 

- SYMBOLS/ICONS NEXT TO FORUM TITLES - if you hold your cursor over any symbol/icon, a message will appear, telling you what it means. But here's a general run-down of the ones that appear next to the forums:

 

f_icon.png This symbol indicates that there are posts which you have not read contained inside this forum.*
f_icon_read.png This one indicates that all of the posts contained in this forum have been read.

- Symbols/Icons Next to Thread Titles -    Again, if you hold your cursor over any symbol/icon, a message will appear, telling you what it means. But here's a general run-down of the ones that appear next to thread topics:

t_unread.pngThis symbol indicates that the thread contains some unread posts.*
t_read_dot.pnghis one indicates that you have previously replied to the thread and that it has no new replies since you last read it.
t_unread_dot.png This indicates that you have previously replied in this topic, and there are new replies since you last read or replied to the topic.

t_moved.png  Indicates a topic that has been moved into another forum.
t_locked.png  Indicates that a topic has been locked (you cannot reply to it)

ETA: By clicking on the dot or star next to a thread title, you can go straight to the "last unread post" in that thread.

 

     - "Unread Content" -You can also check out any posts/threads you haven't read by clicking on Unread Content (above, right).  Same for any Gallery photos or Blog entries/comments you haven't seen. However, clicking on a thread here, will bring you to its beginning.

     - That Note at the End of a Discussion Thread - When you get to the end of a thread, say, here in GCfG, a note will appear in the lower right corner if there are posts in other threads here that you have yet to read.  Click it on and it will take you to the next such thread.  If there are no other unread posts in here, no such sign will appear.  The same is true in the other forums. A great way, IMO, to help you get caught up w/ unread content in a specific forum if you would like.

 

- TURNING PAGES - The #s of the Discussion Thread pages are listed both at the top- and bottom-left of every thread page. Just click on the page you want and you'll be there. (But you must be signed in to do so.) The page #s of any given conversation are at the top- and bottom-left of the posts.

 

 

... Continued below...

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135
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Posted (edited)

... Continuing... 4

 

POSTING IN THIS GROUP:

How to Reply to a Thread  - Key in your comments in the Reply box and hit the Submit Reply button.*  Replies go in descending order so your'll find yours at the end of the conversation. (For info about opening your own thread, see post 4 below.)

*ETA: If you forget to hit Submit Reply (oops!) before going on to another thread, etc., no worries. You can now go back to the first thread, hit the Reply Box, and your unposted comment will pop up. In fact, you can finish it if you didn't before, etc. (This will work even if you go to another site, for a while, in the same window - but not if you actually sign out of GP.com. Also, it doesn't work for edits. )

 

Posting Anonymously/"Incognito" -

The INCOGNITO feature is available in several groups, including this one:

1. All those listed under Family Matters

2. All those listed under Grandparenting

3. 50 Shades of Blue

4. The Great Debate

Hopefully, most members feel comfortable enough to post under their screen names. However, going Incognito can be especially useful for those members who are posting about their personal situation for the first time and want to get a feel for how such a discussion would go. To see how this feature currently works, go here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/announcement/7-anonymous-posting-is-back/

To read when it is and isn't appropriate to use it, see "Safeguard Your Account" in "I Just Joined - What Now?' - Read This." (See link  in post 2, above). You also may want to read the following thread in the Member Question section:

 

Also, please understand that comments posted as Incognito do not add to the 10 posts you need to become a regular Member. It can be a good way, though, IMO, to "get your feet wet" if you're a newcomer. 


Customizing Your Post - Once you begin to key in your comments, a couple of rows of options will appear at the top of the Reply box. You can change the Font (print) style and size (this is 14), add color (the A),  add various smiley faces. Also, you can choose to write in boldface  (B) or italics  (I) or with underlining (U), etc. Or do none of it. Your choice. Have a ball! 

If you'd like to do any of the above, just click on the desired option before you type. Or after typing, highlight the words by dragging your cursor across them, click on the desired option and then click the highlighted words. (To remove bolding, etc. do the same). Where size and color are concerned, you'll have to make a choice (size 18, for example, or the color red) b4 clicking the highlighted words.

 

  - Options:

Color - There are now 2 color options - A  by which you can change the color of your type, like so, and A, by which you can alter the background of your type, like so.

Emotions - When you click on the Smiley,  a whole array of emotions will appear in a little box, right under the icon.  :db: :clapping: :diablo::rofl:  - just click on whichever one(s) you want to use. To see more than initially appear, click on Categories and then Emotions. :angel::girl_devil: To see what any particular emoji stands for, hold your arrow over it, either in the box or on the post.    :drinks:     :give_rose:

To Cut, Copy & Paste  - You can now cut, copy and/or paste content from one of your posts to another, by using options right on them (see the scissors icon, etc that appear as you're posting) and depending on your own browser's security settings.

Also, depending on your security settings, you can use the paste option to post quotes from another member. But please remember that it's a violation to copy & paste another member's content from one section of the site to another (i.e. from Blogs to Forums or from Forums to the Newsletter, etc - see Guideline 5g).

About That Eye at the End of Your Options - That's to prevent possible book/movie/show "spoilers" In fact, if you click it on, a box will appear w/in your reply box marked "Spoiler." If you key a comment in the spoiler box, it will be hidden once you post. However, the words "Reveal Hidden Content" will appear. Posters who wish to read the comment/aren't concerned about spoiling a book/movie/show for themselves, can click it on to read.

It can also be used for sensitive content/possible "triggers". IOWs, if you think something you have to say may be "too sensitive/upsetting/disturbing" for some readers, you can give us all the choice of whether to see it or not, by using the spoiler box. (See more about triggers below.)


Avatars and Other Pictures - If you upload an avatar onto your Profile Page (see below), it will show wherever you post, including on your replies here.

To upload pictures onto your replies, click on the "Insert other media" option below your post on the right and go from there.

Apparently, one can also cut and paste some pics onto your posts, as well. Depending on your browser security settings, you may also be able to use the paste icon on the post itself for this purpose.

If you click on the Gallery (above, left), you'll also find 4 places to upload pictures and even create albums - Fun Photos! Adorable Pets! Family and Food.



Replying w/ a Quote or Quotes -

If you wish to quote another post in your Reply:

1 .Go to that post and click on the Quote button at the lower-left. 

2.The post you're quoting will appear in  a smaller box w/in the Reply Box. Then you can key in your comments under the quoted post or on the post itself.

3. If you key in your comments onto the post itself, it's a good idea to use a different color. To see how to choose a color, check out Color under Customizing Your Post - Options above.

If you wish to quote more than 1 post at the same time, do the following:

1. click on the Multiquote button (+) on each post that you wish to quote

2. when you're done selecting posts, click on the button on the right that says the # of posts you wish to quote ("Quote 2 posts"/"Quote 3 posts"/etc). All the selected quotes will come out in one post (you'll see).

 

 

The Tagging/Dropdown Feature - There's another way to reach out to another member, even if you don't quote them. And that is by placing @ in front of their name when you address them. Once you do this and begin to key in the member's name, a dropdown will list several usernames and you can click on that of the poster you are addressing. Then the name will appear in a blue bubble and if the other member is signed up for such notifications, they will receive a notice under their Notifications icon, the one in the shape of a bell at the top-right of the page.

ETA: Please note that you need to post the member's whole username for this to work.

Of course, you may, sometimes, choose to ignore the dropdown and just type out the name yourself. Or you may prefer to address the other poster by a nickname (i.e. addressing me as "Rose") or their username initials (like RR). If you do, fine, the dropdown will disappear. But please understand that, in that case, the other poster won't receive notice that you addressed them.



Editing Your Post - Once you post your comments, you'll see an Edit Button on the lower-left near the Quote buttons. Click it on to be able to correct spelling and punctuation, etc., and/or add, subtract or change content. Then hit Save. (You can give a brief reason for your edit on the edit line below your post, if you like.)

    - Time Limit on Editing - Please note that there is now a time limit on editing for both New Members (w/ under 10 replies) and regular Members. To see what editing limit applies to you, see the chart in  the GP.com thread, "I'm a Member" or "I'm a New Member" (see links in post 2 above).

Triggers - Please realize that some posts/threads may contain "trauma triggers, " descriptions or discussions of even more sensitive topics (extreme abuse, suicide, loss of a child, etc.) that may be very painful for some of you to read.

If you feel your post might discuss a such a very sensitive topic, please feel free to add the word "trigger" or the words "possible trigger" to your title as a warning to others. But this alert, while appreciated, is not required to post here. (Wording based on comments by Lilypond. Thank you, Lily!)

In some instances, a mod may add a "trigger notice" to a post or thread containing such issues.

"Liking" - On the bottom-right of every post, you'll see a button that says "Like This." If you really appreciate and agree with another member's post, click on this button. The fact that you enjoy the post will appear next to the button and the poster will get a message that you "liked" their comments, as well.

ETA: As the permissions chart shows (see link to "I'm a Member..."  or "I'm a New Member" in the post above), the number of likes you can give is now unlimited, except if you're a New Member (w/ under 10 replies) and then, you are limited to 50 likes a day (not that this is so great a limit :))

 

Ignoring Another Member's Posts - Generally speaking, I trust most posters will speak to each other with respect. But if you tend to find a specific member's posts offensive or upsetting, in any way, you can officially "ignore" their posts/make their posts "invisible" to you by following these directions:

1. Click on your username at the top-right of the page.

2. Click on Ignored Users

3. Key in the name of the user whose posts you wish to ignore.

4. A list of usernames will appear - click on the correct one. (If you choose the wrong one by error, you can remove it, by hitting the x that shows up next to the name. Then key in the correct name.)

5. A list of options will appear. Check off whatever applies.

6. Then click on Add User.

 UPDATE: An easier way to put a member on Ignore:

!. Hold your arrow over the member's name

2. Click on Ignore User

3. A list of options will appear. Check off whatever applies.

4. Then click on Update Preferences.

 

Reporting a Post - The best way to report a post that you feel violates a guideline (see link in post 2, above) or that offends or concerns you in any way, is to click on the Report button on the upper-left of the post and fill out a Report. (The Report item is often very faint until you - general - bring your arrow near it.) ,Please bear in mind, though, that such reports go to all mods and admins on the site. And please do not report a post, simply b/c you disagree with it. You can also "report" a post by sending a PM to a mod or administrator.

 

Privacy & Security - This is a GP website and I know it's easy to assume that this means it's rather safe and benign. And, for the most part it is. But it's still the Internet.  Please avoid giving out private/identifying information, such as phone numbers, addresses, full names, etc. To learn more about this issue and how it's handled here, please see the "New, Concise Posting and Moderating Guidelines, Rule #" 5, bullet point a (link in post 2).  Also, for info about privacy in personal messages, see "Privacy & Security in post 7 below.

 

 

 

 

 

.... Continued below....

 

Edited by RoseRed135
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Posted (edited)

... Continuing... 5

DISCUSSION THREADS:

To Preview a Thread: If you would like get more of an idea of what a thread is about before you click it on  just hold your arrow over the title of that thread and 1 or 2 paragraphs will pop up. This only works, however, on the actual discussion thread pages (pages that show the list of conversations in a given forum).

Reading a Thread: 1. To read a thread from the beginning, just click on the title. 2. To go straight to the latest reply, find it to the right of the title (in any given page of discussion threads) and click it on. Or click on the latest reply listed on the sidebar. 3. To go to the first reply in a thread that you've yet to read/first unread reply in a thread, click on the dot or star (see above) to the left of the title. Also, at the end of a thread, you may find a link to the next thread in the same forum that includes unread content. Click it on and that, too, will bring you to your first unread post in that conversation.

Replying to a Thread: See post 4 above.
.

How to Start Your Own Thread/Discussion/Conversation - Once you've amassed those 10 replies (see post 2 above), you can then open your own topic at any time. To do so, go to the top-right of the page,... Click on Start New Topic and go from there.. Your thread will come out at the top or the 1st page of threads. As new threads come in, it will slide down the page. But as you or other members continue to post in your thread, it will be "bumped" back towards the beginning of the discussions again.

 

Bumping a Thread - And if that happens in the "natural" course of the conversation, fine. BUT please don't bump up a very old thread (say more than 3-months-old) unless you are the OP. (If, for any reason, you would like a thread in this forum to be pulled up, please ask me about it via PM). In fact, inappropriate bumping may earn you a warning (more on that later).

   - Exception:   It's ok to post in an old stickypost (see definition below), unless it's locked, of course.

 

"Hijacking" a Thread - The term "hijacking" refers to deliberately taking over someone else' thread and turning the attention to your own problems and is highly frowned upon. Granted,it's not unusual to tell someone of a similar experience you're having/had in the past, as a way of empathizing with them or to show them what worked for you. Nor is it unusual for a thread to "evolve" from discussion of a specific situation to that of broader concepts and, in fact, IMO, it can be very valuable. But, clearly, it's unfair to the OP (original poster) of a thread to delve deeply into one's own concerns and redirect the conversation towards those. If you really want to get into your own problems, please open a discussion of your own, as explained above. (Granted, if you haven't amassed your 10 replies yet, you will have to wait to be able to begin your own conversation.) If you find that other posters keep turning the thread back to your problems, even though that wasn't your intention, please either bring it back to the OP's concerns or, again, start your own thread. Thank you.

 

Choosing a Thread - Threads are listed in ascending order, last thread, first, etc. But you can choose to change that by clicking on one of the options on the top-left of any thread page. For example, you can select, "Recently Updated," "Most Active, " etc.

"Pinned" Threads or "Stickyposts" - Sometimes a mod will "pin" a thread to the front of the group. This often is known as a "stickypost." If you see a "pin" to the left of a thread title, that's what it means. I'm pinning this post to the front, for example, to make it easy to find, as well as the Welcome thread and other threads that provide information.  Also, I  often have one or more  conversational threads glued to the front.. Any special announcements about the group, Community or GP.com may also be presented as stickyposts.. . Usually the stickies, here, are mine, but, occasionally,  I'll pin a thread posted by a regular member, if I feel it's beneficial to the group.

The stickies here often move around among themselves, as people post in them but they never slip below the other threads, unless and until they're unpinned. For more specific info on the stickyposts in this forum, see "Welcome to Grandparents Caring for Grandkids, 2015 and link.

    - Global Stickyposts - These are stickies pinned up in all/almost all forums, either by GP.com or by a designated mod (in agreement with other mods). Those pinned up by GP.com may either appear w the other stickies or above the list of threads. Those pinned by a designated mod may be modified to better fit respective groups.
The current Guidelines thread pinned to each forum is a global sticky, even though the title differs by group.

 

Locked Threads - For various reasons, sometimes a moderator "locks" a thread. This means that the thread is closed and no more posts can be made to it. This may be temporary or permanent.  I'm locking the former "How It All Works" thread, now, for example, b/c I've begun this new thread in its place. Announcements are also often locked if it appears that no further comments are necessary. Sometimes, a thread may be locked b/c it is "old," especially if it has been bumped up, inappropriately. Or if the topic seems to fall/veer too far outside the scope of this group (In that case, we may reopen/try to see that the discussion is reopened, elsewhere. But we may also simply move such a thread to another forum, if possible - See "Moving and Merging Threads," below.) Other times. a thread may be locked b/c it seems to be getting overly contentious (rarely happens in this forum) or is being reviewed, due to suspected troll activity or some other reason.

 

So... If you see a lock symbol to the left of a thread title, that tells you that conversation is closed. You can still read it but if you go to post, you will see there is no Reply box. Also, usually,  though it's not required, if I lock another member's thread, I will post a comment saying that the thread is being locked "for review" or whatever. Often, I will send the OP (original poster)  a PM telling them that the thread was locked. It's also possible that another mod will lock a dubious thread, here, while waiting for me to come in. In that case, they will also, most likely, comment to that effect,  etc.

 

Hidden Threads - If there is a serious problem in a thread in here, I'm also likely to "hide' it. That means that it's removed from the view of regular members, but mods and admins can still see it to review and discuss the problem. The purpose of this is, generally, not to leave ugly exchanges on the board if time is needed to decide how to handle them. Once the decision is made, the thread may or may not be restored. If it is restored, it may be in it's entirety or with some edits/deletions. Also, if a thread is hidden, I will, most likely, put up a note to that effect in the form of a locked thread. And it's most likely that I will make a note if GP.com admins decide that the thread will not be restored. Usually, I will send the OP a PM, telling them that the thread was hidden, as well. It's also possible that another mod might hide a dubious thread in here, while waiting for me to come in. In that case, also, they will, most likely, leave a note, etc. Fortunately, so far, nothing like this has happened in here.

 

Deleting Threads GP.com does not allow us mods to delete a thread, "automatically," unless the initial post  is spam/an unauthorized ad. (See "New, Concise Version of the Posting and Moderating Guidelines,"  rule  #4.) or it is an accidental duplicate of another thread (a thread posted twice or more by error). Beyond that, even if the OP (original poster) requests it, we cannot delete their thread, unless given permission by GP.com. .

 

ETA: I may or may not necessarily, lock or hide a thread in here upon request either.  W/ all due consideration for the OP, I also have to think of the other posters who gave time and thought to responding. Where a request for hiding a thread is concerned, in some cases, GP.com may weigh in on the decision.

 

Deleted or "Hidden" Posts W/in a Thread - Posts/replies w/in a thread can disappear for any one of the following 5 reasons: 1. Plain unpredictability of the Internet (sometimes it "swallows" posts; I'm not sure why); 2. technical problems on the site (if this happens to you more than once, please inform a mod or admin); 3. it was deleted b/c of infractions, as outlined in the guidelines  (usually; the poster will receive a PM explaining)); 4. it has been "hidden" (temporarily removed from view of regular members) b/c of possible violations that need to be reviewed (usually, the poster will receive a PM explaining); 5. it has been deleted or hidden b/c it quotes/refers back to another deleted or hidden post or is otherwise part of a seriously heated exchange that is under review (again, usually, the poster will receive a PM or the fact that some additional posts were deleted/hidden will be noted in the thread). 6. GP.com has also determined that a mod may hide a post that tends to stir up too much unnecessary drama on the board or behind the scenes.

Hidden posts may or may not be restored once decisions are made. 

ETA:  I may or may not hide or delete a post upon the poster's request. Again, it often involves other factors.

 

Moving and Merging ThreadsMods and administrators here are able to move a thread from one forum to another or, in some cases merge 2 related threads. Though I'm fine with an OT (off-topic) thread, now and then, if it seems obvious to me that it fits better in another group, I may move it there. Usually, I'll discuss it with the LM of that group 1st. And, usually, I would provide a link here to help you find the relocated thread. Also, most often, I would send the OP a PM, letting them know that the thread had been moved and to where.  This hasn't occurred in this group, yet, however, and isn't likely to often, if ever. Merges are rare, overall.

 

Reporting a Thread - If you are concerned b/c you feel a thread in this group breaks 1 or more of the GP.com rules or b/c a lot of posters w/in the thread have committed offenses or have, somehow, turned the thread "ugly," again you can fill out a Report. To do so,  please click the Report buton on the OP (original/opening post) of the thread. Again, the report will go to all mods and admins. Again, also, you can send me a PM instead if you prefer.

 

ETA: If you'd like to do a poll - When you open your thread, fill out the content, then click on Poll to the top left of your thread, and create your questionnaire. You're allowed to post up to 3 questions w/ up to 20 possible answers/choices for each question (you'll see). If you click on the "multiple choice" option for a question, posters will be able to select more than one answer, If you don't, then they will only be able to choose one reply for that question. Please think carefully about how you want that to go.

If you click on "Make voter names public?" the name of each voting member will be posted along w/ their responses. Many posters prefer to vote anonymously and do not like having their votes publicized. So I recommend against making this choice - please think it over very carefully if you think you might want to set it up that way..

 

 

.... Continued...

 

Edited by RoseRed135
to reorganize

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Posted (edited)

... Continuing... 6

PROFILE PAGES

How to Find Your Profile Page - Just click on your username at the top-left of any of your posts. Or scroll to the top-right of this or any other Community Groups page , click on your username and then Profile.

Since the recent Community Upgrade, a number of factors regarding Profile Pages have changed. We mods are still sorting it all out. But here's what seems to be the case so far....

What Information You'll See on Any Basic Profile - Under username -  member status, content count (# of member's posts), date of membership, date/time member was last in this community.  Below, left - Member's # of liked posts in a green box, w/ a rating, such as "Neutral" or "Excellent." Then any information member chose to give (see below).  Also, in the middle of the page, you will see the member's recent posts, if any. On the left  you can see a list of any members who follow that member's posts (get notices when that member posts new content)  More about this below.

How to Fill Out or Edit Your Profile - Go to your Profile Page and click on the words "Edit Profile" at the top-right. Then fill out/edit as much - or as little - of the info as you choose. Much of this information will then appear on the left side of your Profile Page. But if you fill out the "About Me" section, an option to read it will appear on the right side of your Profile. You and others will have/be able to click it on to see it.

      - Status Statements and Replies - On your profile, itself, you can fill out the "What's On Your Mind?" status statement You can no longer fill it out under your username, as before, and it will no longer remain on your immediate Profile Page. In order to go back and see it, later on, you need to click on See Activity and then Status Updates (on the left). I f you click on Status Replies, you can see your replies, if any, to other member's Status Updates  Same comments about someone else' profile if you wish to see their latest Status Statement,  (unless you get a Status Update notice, which brings you right to it.)

You can go back to your Status Updates and add a new Status whenever. You can also reply to someone else' Status. And you can leave a message in the bubble provided on the profile page - this will show up on their profile page.

I trust that most of you would only leave friendly messages. Please remember, though, that all the same rules apply, regarding personal attacks, etc. ( If you don't like the message someone leaves on your profile page, you can click on Options in the lower left of their comment and delete it. )


Customizing Your Profile - To add a background to your profile, click on Cover Photo in the upper-right corner and go from there.

Uploading an Avatar -
Go to the space provided on your profile, click on "Upload Avatar" and go from there.

"Friending" & "Following" - There is no actual "friending" option on this site. However, you can choose to "follow" another member (be notified whenever that member posts new content) by clicking on the Follow This Member button next to their username (if that member allows followers). And you will see the list of your followers, if any, in the Followers box on the left side of your profile page. You can choose whether or not to allow other members to follow you by going to the Followers box, clicking on the word Options and making the desired choice.
 

Blogging -   Just click on the word Blogs (above, left) then Create a Blog, read the instructions and go from there. To check out all your blogs, you can click on the word Blogs on your Profile Page (see how below)..

To see a list of recent blogs, check the sidebar of your Community Index board (the page with the list of groups), just below the list of recent threads (more about that below).

Gallery - Want to create a photo album or upload individual pictures in the Gallery? Once you're a regular Member, you can. Just click on Gallery (above, left), then Add Images and go from there. Or click on Create (above, right), then Gallery Images and go from there. (See more about the Create option in a later post.)

Tracking Threads, Posts, Blogs, Etc., UPDATED- Sometimes you may want to look back at previous threads or replies of yours to check what you said, etc. Or you may want to look at someone else' old threads or replies to refresh your memory of what they said or to review their backstory. Or you might want to check out their blog entries or gallery pictures, if any. To do so, go to their profile page and click on "See Activity" on the upper-right. Once you do this, the member's most recent posts, if any, will appear. Also, to the left, you'll find a list, including "Topics," "Posts," "Blogs," "Gallery Images," etc.  Just click on the desired category. Unlike on previous profiles, you will often be able to check out posts and some other activities going back as far as when the member first joined.

Another way you can check out a Member's past posts, here, however, is to do use one of your Search options. You can find one at the top-right of any Community page. Or you can click on Activity, at the top-left of the page and find a Search option there.

I trust that you would only check out another Member's prior posts to try to understand their situation better and not for any negative purposes.

 

Notifications - Want to receive notices of friend requests, "liked" posts, new posts and threads in the forums you follow, etc? Click on your username on the top-right of this page, then Account Settings page,*  then Notification Options on the right and fill out the form, telling if and how you would like notices about what.  You can choose to be notified via the Notifications List or by email. If you choose the Notifications List, the information will appear under the bell icon at the upper right of any Community page (a red number will appear on the bell, showing you how many new notices you have).


To receive such notification about your favorite groups, however,  you also have to click on the Follow This Forum button, at the top-right of the 1st page of each of those groups and check off the options.

Other Ways to Follow This Forum - On your Community Index Board each day, all day to the right of the groups' title, you can see which thread has the latest post. To the right of the Board, just under the list of blogs, you will see a list of recent threads (usually going back as far as a day or two). Sometimes 1 or more are from this group. (Click on the title and you're in the convo.) Also, about twice a week, a conversation thread, from one forum or another,  is featured in the GP.com Newsletter

 

* For other uses of the Account Settings page, see Post #3 above.

 

 

.... Continued...

Edited by RoseRed135
to reorganize

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Posted (edited)

.. Continuing... 7

 

PMs (Private/Personal Messages):

To Send a PM -
There are 3 ways: 1. Point your arrow to the member's name and a little box will appear, with, among other things, a Send a Message button. Click it on and go from there. (This, IMO, is the easiest way.) 2. Go to the member's Profile Page (by clicking on their username), click on Send a Message (at the top-right of their Profile) and go from there. 3. Click on the
envelope icon at the top right of the page, , then Compose New and go from there.

To See If A PM Has Been Read - Click on the envelope icon, then click on the title of the PM, and in the top-left corner, you'll see if the recipient read it yet and when.

To See If You've Received a PM - Click on the envelope icon and check the list. it includes both sent and received PMs. Or  click on your username, above-right and then Personal Messenger.

To Reply to a PM - Key your comments into the Fast Reply box and hit Send. If you want to quote the other member's PM in your response, click on the Reply butoon on their post, key in your answer, and then hit send.

To Customize and Edit Your PMs - You can do these the same way you can on your posts.

To Block PMs from a Specific Member - As with posts, I trust that members, here,  will speak to each other with respect in PM, as they do on the board. However, if a specific member's PM offends you or If you prefer not to receive further messages from them, for whatever reason, you can block  further PMs from that poster by following these directions: Click on your username in the upper right corner of the screen, then Ignored Users and then fill in the offending member's name and check off the appropriate box(es). For example, if you wish to block PMs from them, then check off the box that says Messages, etc. This is a good option, also, of course, if you want to block their signature statements, posts, or just want to block them completely by checking all boxes.

Once you block their PMs, of course, any PM conversation you have had/have been having with them will disappear from your Inbox (but not theirs).
 

To Delete a PM/PM Conversation   You can also delete an offending PM simply by clicking on Delete Conversation to the top-right of the PM. In the same way, you can also delete PM conversations that are getting too contentious for your taste or simply b/c your mailbox is getting too full. The conversation will still appear in the other poster's Inbox but be gone from yours. Nor will the other member be able to reply to that convo, anymore.

ETA: PM Limits - As the permission chart shows (see link to "I'm a Member..." in a post above), the number of conversations a regular Member can have in their Inbox is limited, w/ a slight difference for New Members (those w/ under 10 replies). The number of members you can include in a conversation is also limited, though, given the upgrade, that number has increased and the # for New Members and others is the same. (See the thread, "I'm a Member..." or "I'm a New Member..." linked in a post above.)

To Create PM Conversation Folders -

1. Click on the Messenger icon (envelope).

2. Click on Go to Inbox

3. Click on arrow next to word Inbox

4. Click on Add a Folder and go from there

ETA: To Find Your Preexisting Folders - Having trouble finding your "old" folders since the upgrade? go to your Inbox and click on the arrow next to My Conversations (or whatever folder title is there).  All your folders will appear.

Moving a Conversation from One Folder to Another - To do this, just click on Message, at the top-right of the conversation, then scroll down to Move To and  here, also, the list will appear. Just hit  the folder in which you want to place the convo.

 

To Report a PM - Once in a while, someone receives a "weird" and/or obnoxious PM - usually "Spam." If you ever receive one of these and want to report it, click on the Report button, which will appear under the offending poster's name on the top-left of their post. It will go to all mods and admins and, if appropriate, action will be taken. If ever you are concerned with a PM you get from a member of this group, you can just PM me and I'll see about it, or you can still fill out a report, instead, ( Again, the report will go to all mods and admins. Often, though, it's enough to simply block further PMs from the offending poster.

 

However, please realize if you want to both report and block, you need to report first b/c once you block, the PM will disappear from your box.

 

 Privacy & Security - As people get friendly, via PM, it's not unusual for them to exchange phone numbers and other personal information. While I don't recommend it, for security reasons, there's no doubt that some posters have developed even closer friendships this way. But thought it's no harm to ask for someone's phone number or email address - once - if they decline, please accept their decision. Also, if anyone pressures/harasses you for your personal info, please notify one of us mods or an administrator, ASAP. Thank you. (Please realize, of course, that you can also block the offending poster, as described above. Also, for more on the issue of privacy, see "Privacy & Security in post 4.)

 

...Continued...

Edited by RoseRed135
omission

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Posted (edited)

.... Continuing.... 8

LIVE CHATS: To find the Live Chat room, just scroll up to the top of these pages and click on the Chat icon.

UPDATE: Chat is currently out of order and will be for a while, unfortunately. Will get back to you on this...

 

LOOK WHO'S HERE! If you look at the bottom of the sidebar on the right side of the Index page, you can see who is here in the Community at any given time.

 

 The "Create" Option - Click on the Create button on the top right of any Community page and you will see you have 3 choices: Status, Topic and Gallery Image. If you click on Status, you will be able to key in/change a Status Statement that will appear on your Profile Page (see more about Profiles in a post below). If you click on Topic, you can start a new discussion, but only if you have amassed 10 replies, as discussed earlier in this thread. If you click on Gallery Image, you can create a photo album or upload individual photos, as discussed earlier in this thread, as well.

EXITING THIS GROUP, THE COMMUNITY SECTION AND THE WEBSITE:

 

To Return to the Community Index Page - Just click on Forums or Home (above, left) or go to  http://community.grandparents.com


To Return to the Home Page - go to https://aga.grandparents.com/ 

Or key grandparents.com into your browser.

Logging Out -  Click on your username at the top-right of the page and then hit Sign Out... Or return to the Home Page and hit the Logout button on the top-right there.


ETA - Read on for possible legal (& financial) resources for GPs raising GC...

 

Edited by RoseRed135
to update Chat info

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Posted (edited)

9

Resources & General Guides for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

 

1. About GPs and Custody, Guardianship or Adoption

GP.com, itself,  provides valuable information for those of you who have/are seeking custody of your GC (grandchild/ren) or other relative kids. The same if you have adopted/wish to adopt them. Or if you have legal guardianship or are simply raising your GC (or other relative kids). and are looking for resources on legal (or financial) matters. If   you fit any of these descriptions, I strongly suggest that you check out GP.com's "The Grandparents' Guide to Legal Resources": Click on this link (not sure how up-to-date this is): http://www.grandpare...legal-resources

 

 As you read, you'll see the title of another article, "When You're a Parent... Again." If you click that on and read through, you will find the names of additional associations, etc. that may be helpful to you. You can also go directly to that article by clicking on http://www.grandpare...ureaparentagain

 

Also, in another thread,  BlueEyedGirl provided the following resources:

 

a. "Grandfamily Resources" as part of "Generations United" (which can be googled).

UPDATE: If housing is an issue, you may want to check out their section on "Our Work." You can find similar information by googling Grandfamilies.org and clicking on "Housing."

 

b. The Children's Aid Society in your area - some of those have RAPP programs (Relatives as Parents)... and even AARP has some resources.

 

c. General info about GP custody laws, by state, as well as further resources are also available here: http://www.grandfamilies.org/

 

d. More articles and resources here at GPs.com. Check out this link for a list of Grandfamily resources. http://www.grandpare...g grandchildren

(Some of these articles may be old, of course)

 

Also, please realize that googling may help you find some resources for "grandparents raising grandchildren," etc.

 

Please be advised, too, that, in some states, there is such a thing as "de facto custody."  Nana mom explained this in another thread in this forum, but I'm recopying her comments here:

 

Several states now have de facto custody - Kentucky was the first.  It is likely similar in all state with this status, but check for sure!  You qualify to be considered for de facto custody if you are raising a child who is under 3 years for 6 months or more w/o any help from that child's parents - if the child is over 3 years, the time is changed to 1 year of raising child w/o any help.  De facto custodian basically makes you like a 3rd parent.  You are not presumed to have this status, it does have to go thru the court system.

 

Please realize, of course,  that nothing is a substitute for consulting with a laywer in your own state. And that GP.com is not in the business of endorsing any of the views or advice given in any of these article or by any of the organizations mentioned (nor am I). Resources are listed for informational purposes only. And advice is given merely as a guide.

ETA: New Hampshire recently passed a new law 7/31/17), giving GPs custody preference when parents are guilty of substance abuse:

http://www.nbc-2.com/story/35770125/new-hampshire-law-gives-grandparents-custody-preference

 

2. General Information Guides About Kinship Foster Care:

 

If, unfortunately, your GC/relative child has to be placed in the foster care system and you're interested in becoming their foster parent (kinship foster care), the following may be of interest to you:

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/placement.pdf

Please note comments about meeting state guidelines, of course. Also, to my knowledge, there's no automatic preference for a GP over another relative, etc.

Also, again, please realize that googling may be helpful.

 

Once again, nothing is a substitute for consulting with an attorney in your own state or, in the case of foster care, speaking to your own state's social service/CPS organization. Neither GP.com or I are responsible for the accuracy or current value of the information contained in any linked site or how it applies to your situation, if at all. It's just provided as a guide to areas you might want to explore.

 

3. General Information Guide About Various Situations - Kinship Foster Care, Custody, Etc:

UPDATE: If you google "Grandparents raising grandchildren" and then click on "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren... Grandparenting... Legal Issues," and then "State Resources," you'll find a state-by-state list of legal, financial and, in some cases social (support groups, etc.) resources for GRGs. (A few of the links on that site don't seem to work, I'm afraid, but most do.) Sometimes, "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren... Grandparenting... State Resources," itself, comes up and then you can go there directly.

UPDATE: There are also sites on Facebook - Relatives Raising Grandchildren & Grandparents as Parents (GAP) - that often provide information about in-person support groups and other resources.

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135
accuracy

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Hope this thread is helpful! :)

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Hi...I'm new to this community, although I've been a GP For 6 years now. I have 4 kids and 2 grandkids, 6 and 1. My DD is returning to school in September. I've quit my job so I can care for the 1 year old. I'm excited, but also a bit nervous about this new family situation. I'm hoping that my DD and I can keep the lines of communication open to minimize conflicts about parenting, responsibilities, etc. I'm happy to discover this forum for support. 

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Welcome, New Member! Glad you came in to talk w/ us!

Congrats to your DD on returning to school! How wonderful that you're ready, willing and able to watch the 1-yr-old so that DD can pursue this path!

I'm not surprised that you're excited - as a "nanny granny," myself, I know that caring for GC can bring many joys. But I think you're very wise to realize there could also be some conflicts between you and DD in this new situation. No doubt, you'll get a lot of support here, as you mention. Also, you might find some helpful tips in the following thread:

 

:

Meanwhile, If those are your actual first and last names in your username, we recommend that you change it for greater privacy. To see how to do so, click on the following MIL Anonymous thread:

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hello,my name is Glenda. Me and my husband have been married 39 years. We have a daughter who was married for 7 years when she gave us our first grandson. After a lot of physical and mental abuse, and getting involved in drugs we lost our grandson to the system. We practically raised him for 3 years when he was ripped from us, moved 300 miles away to a grandma who had only seen him one time! We fought for over a year to at least keep him in our lives to no avail. She adopted him, and changed his name. My daughter then met another man, that she has been with for 9 years. Its almost exactly a repeat of the first relationship, only difference, this man doesn't abuse her. He's  just a lazy deadbeat. I never thought I would get the chance to be a grandmother again. But I now Have a 4 year old grandson ,and his brother who is 2.As of 3 weeks ago, we have had the boys for 24/7.It started when my daughter getting kicked out of the rv they were living in. She has really changed, lost a lot of weight ,getting to where she doesn't want to see the kids less and less. Me and my husband are constantly fighting due to the stress of having the boys. We both are in our late 50s.have health issues and this has caused such a strain. Even though these boys are the joy of my life, we need HELP.  Just wish I had answers.

Edited by gsparky61

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Welcome gsparky611,  I wish I had some answers to share with you.  Be sure and take care of all four of you the best you can.

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On 10/16/2017 at 5:49 PM, gsparky61 said:

hello,my name is Glenda. Me and my husband have been married 39 years. We have a daughter who was married for 7 years when she gave us our first grandson. After a lot of physical and mental abuse, and getting involved in drugs we lost our grandson to the system. We practically raised him for 3 years when he was ripped from us, moved 300 miles away to a grandma who had only seen him one time! We fought for over a year to at least keep him in our lives to no avail. She adopted him, and changed his name. My daughter then met another man, that she has been with for 9 years. Its almost exactly a repeat of the first relationship, only difference, this man doesn't abuse her. He's  just a lazy deadbeat. I never thought I would get the chance to be a grandmother again. But I now Have a 4 year old grandson ,and his brother who is 2.As of 3 weeks ago, we have had the boys for 24/7.It started when my daughter getting kicked out of the rv they were living in. She has really changed, lost a lot of weight ,getting to where she doesn't want to see the kids less and less. Me and my husband are constantly fighting due to the stress of having the boys. We both are in our late 50s.have health issues and this has caused such a strain. Even though these boys are the joy of my life, we need HELP.  Just wish I had answers.

Just saw this, gsparky! My heart goes out to you! How painful to have "lost" your first GS after being so involved in his life for 3 years! I can only begin to imagine how much that must hurt! If it's any comfort, I'm sure the other GM must love and care for him and that he became comfortable w/ her soon enough.

Also, I know you must be disappointed in DD (dear daughter) and the way she has been conducting her life. Again, if it's any help, please realize the abuse in the first relationship very likely lowered her self-esteem. That would explain why she "settled" (my word) for a man who seems almost as bad. And the lack of abuse, this time, must seem like a major plus to her.

Regardless, I'm sorry that she's so uninterested in her other 2 boys. Bless you and DH for taking care of them! I'm sorry, too, however, that it's causing so much stress for you 2. I'm also sorry about your respective health issues and hope you are both getting medical help.

Have you and DH thought of going for marriage counseling? Or maybe even family counseling w/ your GSs? It might help you sort out your feelings and learn how to cope w/o arguing?

Also, have you thought about going for custody? Would it ease the tensions to know that you have some control over the situation and that, all things being equal, no one will be able to just rip the boys away from you that easily? B/c I'm thinking that some of the stress may come from that memory of losing your first GS. But I could be wrong, of course.

Glad you decided to reach out to us! Hope we hear from you some more...

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