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RoseRed135

What do you contribute to your GC's lives? (Question of the Month, September 2017)

19 posts in this topic

Since September means, among other things, Grandparents' Day (Sunday, Sept 10), my thoughts are turning to the GP/GC relationship, What do you believe you contribute/have contributed to your GC's lives, if anything? Or if you're not a GP at the moment, what do you feel you would contribute if you were?

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Edited by RoseRed135
typo

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Please feel free, if you'd like, to talk also about what your own GPs contributed to your life and/or what any of your kids' GPs contribute(d) to theirs.

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Variety, opportunities, experiences, adventures, and college funds.  

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I like to think I add 'dimension' to their lives. I'm not a part of the routine of their lives, but still an integral part. Apparently I give really good gifts, take them places they didn't know they wanted to go until they went and teach them things they may not learn at home. I have them in the kitchen starting to cook by 2 or so...my 10yo and up can follow directions and actually help. 

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Unconditional love, encouragement, experiences and time.  My own grandmother, under conditions I was blissfully unaware of at the time, was a rock of love, strength, continuity, and spiritual guidance.  She helped shape the best parts of me.  Love you, Nana

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Awesome replies, ladies! Thanks for sharing! Your words, IMO, could be an inspiration to many.

@ All - Anyone else?

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My oldest grandchild started high school this year.  What do I contribute to her life?

Her mom called this morning and said for me to go ahead and go to church and she would come over after breakfast and mow my lawn since the doctor won't allow me to do so.  She would then pick the garden for the same reason and would "I" mind showing her how to sew her daughters costume for school tomorrow because well...she never bothered to learn how.  She knew how she wanted to fix the costume so it would fit, but didn't have the skill to do so.

I really wanted to tell her that we'd find a way for the mowing to get done and for them to stay home and have some much needed family time, but I really wanted to do something nice for her because she has done so much for me since my stroke...so I said come ahead.  I went to church, fixed a bite of lunch and did the sewing on the costume myself.  GD was much appreciated as was daughter.

I really think sometimes it is the small things that count the most.

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Absolutely Sue, real life is in the little things. 

I went to my new GS birthday party today at the lake. He's a budding fisherman, that's what he wanted. 7 of my 9 GK were there....I love being included. Mame also has a "fix-it shop", so I get treasures needing mending (stuffed animals, favorite clothes, etc) because no one else sews at all...On of my 9 is dealing with a newly diagnosed food allergies including dairy, so can't have most of the desserts offered at parties...we're working on vegan cake recipes....

Little things...sometimes the right answer is "thank you, I appreciate that"

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I'm definitely "a part of the routine" of my granddolls' lives since I watch/chauffeur them when their mom is at work or school. So, if nothing else, I take care of a lot of practical matters, including just getting them from here to there.

But beyond that, I'm also an additional source of "unconditional love," as some of you have mentioned, and as my GPs were for me and my DDs' for them. Also, I seem to be my GC's main connection to family history (well, mostly regarding our FOO) since I'm the one who usually knows the answers to any questions (evening concerning DH's side, LOL!). Not that they ask me about that kind of thing very often, right now, but sometimes, especially DGD.

And there are some days when I'm the only one who has the time and patience to listen to their chatter about their "day." YDD does when she can, but some days her schedule is just too packed, what w/ her own schoolwork, PT job, helping the kids w/ HW, etc. So some days, my most important function is just to provide that listening ear.

Edited by RoseRed135
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As I've mentioned before, my 2 GMs were as different as night and day in many ways. Looking back, I realize that this helped me gain a broader view of the range of human traits.

My MGM's imagination was inspiring. And w/ her delightful stories of her childhood, first instilled in me my interest in family history.

My PGPs lived in another state, as I've also said before. But our vacations there enriched many of my summers.

As for my DM and PILs - my DD's enjoyed them all.  DM was especially good at adding interesting experiences to their (and all our) lives - she was a very, joyous, fun person (when she wasn't trying to run our lives, LOL!). They were all very generous and usually made excellent gift choices, as well. As I am for my grands, they were also an excellent source of family knowledge, especially DM.

To take a page from Mame, I think all my then-living GPs added "dimension" to my life in one way or another. And DM and my PILs did that for my DDs (my DF, would have, too, no doubt, but he, unfortunately, passed on before they were born.)

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1 hour ago, RoseRed135 said:

I take care of a lot of practical matters, including just getting them from here to there.

Practical matters are our contribution as well. We drive carpool or haul them to and fro, and babysit. Obviously we provide a home/utilities etc for the ones who live here. Eta: I think our contributions actually benefit our AC (not GC) in a broad-picture.

 

Edited by JanelleK
add babysit
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I do some backup childcare, but prefer not to be the 'go-to'. The exception has been when new babies are expected. I can hold down the fort so the new parents can focus on the tasks at hand and not worry about how to keep the olders lives organized and smooth. I'm plan A if xDIL has their new baby when the olders are still in school and not out for Christmas break...I can stay at their house and keep things in order. If the baby comes after Christmas they will be with DS. 

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I'm the primary "parent" for my beautiful little grandtwins and have been for most of their lives. Their mom is officially moving out this weekend to pursue a relationship that she believes will bring her "what she is missing".  meanwhile back at the ranch (and yes we do live on a little 10 acre ranch) the kids and I are planning a winter garden, making "new rules" for OUR home, and choosing things to redecorate their room!  I oscillate between disgust, pity, anger and hurt over the decision that their mom is making to abandon them, but I'm excited about the life we can have that will be less chaotic and more stable.

 

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31 minutes ago, Sn0wluvr said:

the decision that their mom is making to abandon them

@Sn0wluvr I hope you have it in writing.....

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15 hours ago, Sn0wluvr said:

I'm the primary "parent" for my beautiful little grandtwins and have been for most of their lives. Their mom is officially moving out this weekend to pursue a relationship that she believes will bring her "what she is missing".  meanwhile back at the ranch (and yes we do live on a little 10 acre ranch) the kids and I are planning a winter garden, making "new rules" for OUR home, and choosing things to redecorate their room!  I oscillate between disgust, pity, anger and hurt over the decision that their mom is making to abandon them, but I'm excited about the life we can have that will be less chaotic and more stable.

 

Welcome back!

I'm so sorry that your daughter is leaving her kids. So heartbreaking! But perhaps it will work out for the best. I certainly hope so.

Your mixture of emotions is very understandable, IMO.

Best wishes to you and those twins!

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Note from RoseRed: possible triggers in this post and the next

I believe I give my grandson the unconditional love, support, encouragement he may not receive from his mother and a non-judgemental ear to vent his frustrations with his family life, school problems, etc. To be himself and not fear unjust ridicule and name calling, to be free from emotional/mental abuse.

Edited by RoseRed135
trigger notice

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Just now, nursejanice59 said:

I believe I give my grandson the unconditional love, support, encouragement he may not receive from his mother and a non-judgemental ear to vent his frustrations with his family life, school problems, etc. To be himself and not fear unjust ridicule and name calling, to be free from emotional/mental abuse. To give him an outlet for creativity and expression of thoughts, and feelings in a safe environment.

 

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Welcome nursejanice.  It can be a challenge raising kids long distance from other family members, but with all the new technology it is easier than 40 years ago when I raised mine a 10 hour drive from my family and they managed to be close to each other.

Good luck managing a close relationship with your lovely grandson.

 

 

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9 hours ago, nursejanice59 said:

Note from RoseRed: possible triggers in this post and the next

I believe I give my grandson the unconditional love, support, encouragement he may not receive from his mother and a non-judgemental ear to vent his frustrations with his family life, school problems, etc. To be himself and not fear unjust ridicule and name calling, to be free from emotional/mental abuse.

How beautiful that you fill the needs for GS that you don't think are being filled by his mom. I hope your DS (dear son) does the same. I'm not sure why you believe he suffers "unjust ridicule" and "emotional/mental abuse" at the hands of his mom/XDIL. But, IMO (in my opinion), he is lucky to have such a loving, concerned GM in his life!

BTW, I take it you quoted your own post, so that you could add another sentence to it. That's fine, but in the future, please be advised that you can hit the Edit button on the bottom-left of your post to make any such changes. Granted, as a newcomer, you only have a 30-minute window in which to do so. But once you become a "fullfledged" Member/amass 10 posts, that window will expand to 24 hours.

9 hours ago, nursejanice59 said:

.... To give him an outlet for creativity and expression of thoughts, and feelings in a safe environment.

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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