• Announcements

    • LaToyaADMIN

      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LaToyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.
    • LaToyaADMIN

      Tell us about your experience with signing up for Medicare   01/23/18

      We want to know what the process was like for you, any difficulties you experienced, the length of your process, etc. This is strictly research and any information you share with us will not be shared elsewhere. Please email jack@grandparents.com with the subject line: Medicare Process and we'll be in touch with specific questions.
GrampsX9

The Two-And-A-Half-Generation Household

387 posts in this topic

On 9/22/2017 at 8:41 AM, SueSTx said:

Photos shared in any capacity is a touchy point in many families.  for instance, my own daughter hardly ever shares pics on fb.  SIL shares more often.  I would never share a pic simply because she doesn't.  Never shared anything verbal, but I just won't go there.

I take my cues from my own adult kids. 

I often want to share pics of my gorgeous grandkids (truly gorgeous :)) but never do so without their parent's approval which is based on the pictures themselves and who I want to share them with. Same with my friends. Sharing pics is indeed a touchy point for everyone and rightfully so. 

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/9/2017 at 9:09 PM, GrampsX9 said:

DS/DIL broke even when they sold their previous house.  Like I wrote earlier in this thread, it's a buyer's market here.

DS will still inherit the house unless my lawyer, after I tell her how fluid this situation is, advises strongly against it.  And a will can always be changed, of course.

I have a weekly dinner with DIL's parents, and next time I'll casually ask the mother if she knows whether they are still planning to move out.  If that fails, I'll ask DS or DIL.  It just feels weird, as if I'm asking them whether my grandfatherly powers changed their minds.

The house, and what my will does with it, is really small potatoes at this point because it would probably sell for a loss, or very little $.  That's my intuition, not that I can truly predict the unpredictable.

I have not discussed my will with my DDs.  Even the will is not a big deal compared to other variables I can tweak to maintain fairness overall.

--------

Church went well.  Do the last two days indicate a better future?  Or will the invisible wall return?  I know it's partly up to me to develop relationships with the GCs.

Will they still move out?  I don't know.

Whatever happens, there has been enough drama here.  Thanks for all the caring advice, this is so much information that I haven't read all of it yet.  I will reread this thread to learn more from it.  Over and out.

Hi GrampsX9,

I don't post much here, I am more of a browser, but your story is interesting and I would like to give you my feedback. 

From your original post you stated that you bought this house for your DS and his family because they were struggling and you wanted to help them, very generous for sure. You bought a house where you too could live along with DS and his family. In hindsight do you think this was the best choice? I get it Gramps, as a mom and grandma I will do whatever I can to support my children and grandchildren but the last thing I would do is buy them a house, particularly one we could all live in together 'happily ever after'. :shok: What I would do is help them financially to buy their own house in the form of a down payment.The mortgage and taxes would be their responsibility. 

Do you think that perhaps you might have set an unrealistic expectation for your DS? Not surprised at all that DS expects to inherit the house, I would if him. Write your will stating your final wishes, your lawyer should have no say about your wishes, and share it only with the designated beneficiary. Don't use your will as a means of gaining an advantage or defending yourself that is so not fair, look at where you are now. 

I strongly suggest you leave DIL's parents out of this situation. It will indeed fail and the only discussions you should be having is with your DS. 

I wish you the very best and hope you will continue working on developing a healthy loving relationship with your grandchildren. It is so worth it, nothing better than grandchildren! 

Chrissy

 

 

Edited by Chrissy3
2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@GrampsX9 - Just checking in before the year closes, to see how you are and how things are going w/ DS and family...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Things" continue downhill.  DS and family have moved out, and I'm alone in this big house.  And I have health issues (kidney, throat).

DS suspected that I was planning suicide, maybe by reading this thread.  He asked a DD, with whom I'm closer, to investigate.  She called me, then called him to confirm his suspicion.  He called the police, who came and confiscated my pistols.  LOL, I wouldn't do it with a pistol, and I would never be like those idiots who shoot up a school, church, family, etc.  I would only use a pistol to defend against a home invader or a violent monster.

DIL, who writes fantasy novels and is overprotective of her children (my grandchildren), fantasizes that I'm a threat to them.  The family has not told me their new address.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
25 minutes ago, GrampsX9 said:

"Things" continue downhill.  DS and family have moved out, and I'm alone in this big house.  And I have health issues (kidney, throat).

DS suspected that I was planning suicide, maybe by reading this thread.  He asked a DD, with whom I'm closer, to investigate.  She called me, then called him to confirm his suspicion.  He called the police, who came and confiscated my pistols.  LOL, I wouldn't do it with a pistol, and I would never be like those idiots who shoot up a school, church, family, etc.  I would only use a pistol to defend against a home invader or a violent monster.

DIL, who writes fantasy novels and is overprotective of her children (my grandchildren), fantasizes that I'm a threat to them.  The family has not told me their new address.

I'm so deeply sorry, Gramps! (((Hugs!)))

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry you are so depressed, I understand that happens often around the holiday season.  Did you ever seek any counseling?

As far as your DIL fantasizing that you are a threat to their children, do you feel that the knowledge that a loving grandparent was feeling suicidal, didn't seek help and did finally commit suicide would threaten her children's mental health?  Most adults can't understand this issue, how do you thin your grandchildren would feel about it?

I think when family members have a disagreement, it isn't all that unusual for them to keep their new address to themselves.  My own MIL moved one summer without telling us nor did she  give us her new address.  Hubby received his usual Christmas package in the mail delivered directly from the company which included her return address.  We sent no Thank You because she didn't want us to have her address.

Take care of your health please.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, SueSTx, I've made an appointment with a counselor.
And yes, my son has warned me that my suicide would mess with the children's minds...but I doubt that they would tell the children.
I'd like to play detective and find their new address, just so I can forward the mail that falls through the cracks.  (And to horrify the DIL, I guess there is a streak of evil in me.)

Edit: (And, by doing that, horrify...)

Edited by GrampsX9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Call your DD, ask her to let DS know there is mail piling up and he should come and get it. Move upstairs, if you haven't already, rent out the basement apartment (use a property manager, it lowers your profit from the rent, but they screen applicants and do credit check, etc for you).

I'm pleased you are willing to go to counseling. I think you will find it very helpful. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe I've lived in small town USA too long, but things like suicide always get out.  We had a young married man with a toddler hang himself in his place of business and his brother found him...it upset the whole town for a long time.  His nephew still talks about it and he was about three at the time.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, SueSTx said:

Maybe I've lived in small town USA too long, but things like suicide always get out.  We had a young married man with a toddler hang himself in his place of business and his brother found him...it upset the whole town for a long time.  His nephew still talks about it and he was about three at the time.

But, hopefully, Gramps won't actually do that...

Meanwhile, Gramps, I'm glad you're going to counseling, too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What I'm trying to say is I can't blame the DIL for worrying about things he does affecting her kids...they do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, i get it, Sue.

Gramps, I  hope the counseling helps. Best of luck!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now