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RoseRed135

Should grandparents have visitation rights to their grandchildren?

51 posts in this topic

Yes to clarify seeking through the courts and attempting to exercise visits/making up time that she denied.

 

for the clarification on the grandmother who's son is deceased the time was out of the courts and allowed by mom. Then withdrawn and grandma went thru the courts and then of course was awarded as the father was deceased and then accusations came about.

Agreed juggling 6 children in of itself must be hectic even if all from same two parents who are together. It must be 10 fold with 5 different fathers and families. The oldest child's father seems to be the only one fighting and for the past 11 years. Again that's where I feel she has been selfish. She has gone from guy to guy having babies one after another. Yes the one man fathered two child 2 and child 5. (He has a total of 9 himself). In my opinion I strongly feel that people should not have children for a living when they can't provide for the ones they have. I also feel jumping relationship to relationship is not the wisest way to get over a breakup and having baby after baby with all these different people is just selfish. I feel one creates a cycle of poverty and relies on government assistance because of this. Again my opinion but I was also raised different than my granddaughters mother. Family dynamics also play a part but then again an adult can choose to break the cycle. Or attempt to self analyze why all these relationships fail. 

What she is doing is not ok and will be addressed with the courts. This past few days have been successful with visits but still badgering and attempts to dictate what my son can and can not do on the visits. Example she wanted to know why he gave her a bath... he explained she smelled like spoiled milk so he gave her one. She stated how dare you bring her home hungry he explained I fed her and here is her leftovers from out to eat. She gives a hard time getting back to him when he attempts to arrange a time to get her. I suggested scheduled days and time to promote consistency and routine which of course helps everyone ( knowing what to expect planning etc) tu/th/sun after church is what she wants so he ran with that 4.5 hours each day. He wants more time but for now it's better than nothing. She has allowed another one of her children to go as well on two occasions  ( which I feel demonstrates her "concerns" cant be valid as why would one allow a nonbiological child to go and be exposed to a person who she is so concerned about parenting) but again I'm inside the circle. And most importantly we were able to visit with another grand baby. DS has shared visits with us and alternates with other family as well. We are a close family and the children are so happy to see everyone.

I try hard to focus on the positive and have kept quite a bit in that upsets me and that is great but not so great. ( double edged sword)

I've continued to complain mostly here first as I've bottled up quite a bit. 

I want to point out that all six of these children are sweet loving and absolutely important little people. I can understand that with them being so close in age and in a large family it's difficult to get the one on one attention children need. (We have our oldest six years later our 2nd came into the family and 14 months later we were blessed with our 3rd). I understand when you have two so close together how a competition for attention can happen. With that being said for the past four years we would rotate through the children taking one at a time sometimes two at a time to give them some one on one and I'll be honest it's a treat having all six visit and stay the weekend but for me it's pretty difficult to give them my attention when six all want it at once.

They all love church Mom has taken them faithfully twice a week for the past few years. I give her credit as she is consistent. Her children go to school regularly without excessive absences. She does not enroll her children in preschool which she qualifies for head start which is fabulous but that is her right. She does not regularly read with the children and states she should more. Instead of cards for birthdays and Holidays I write in books happy Birthday or happy Easter etc...the children all love books. She has told me they have torn the pages and such but they are from dollar stores and they are amazing for a buck! The children have learned to be nice to them and are doing better caring for them.

Children tend to give parents a harder time than grandparents and I have shared some parenting advice with mom such as having each of the older children rotate reading to the group before bed. At my house I have them join hands make a circle and they rotate reading to the group. The younger ones hold the book while I read and they would show the others in the circle. 

Mom has taught the children to pray. At night and at each meal. The girls share a room and the boys share a room. She rotates each boy in the boys room says night prayer and the same for the girls room. She rotates each child at meal time. 

I encouraged her to set some "me time" for herself even if that means setting the alarm 15 minutes earlier than getting the children up for the day. 

i encouraged her to journal. I encouraged her to follow her dreams and get to know who she is as a person/woman rather than mommy. I could only imagine how easy it could be to lose sense of you as a person with having 6 children in a 8 year span. 

I have tried to encourage inspire and have tried to be patient with her in the past four years. In the past four years she will displace her anger and lash out on our family members for things that do not have anything to do with us and I've calmly stop her inform her it's not tolerated and yes it upsets me but do my best not to react. This behavior I often wonder if she even realizes how hurtful it is or even if she recognizes that she does it. I will leave the diagnostic criteria to a phycologist.  We have shown her and her children love and the importance of family... she is a difficult person to love as her actions push you away but honestly I feel it has to do with her upbringing and childhood. She would benefit from some therapy. Which she stated she went last year a couple times and even spent a day out with her mother ( something she doesn't normally do) which I told her was a great step forward and she said the therapist stated it was huge. She stopped going as she stated she didn't agree with the therapist when she explained you have to love yourself before you can offer love to others. And she stated she was being judged. I do feel bad for her because my experience tells me she definitely has psychological issues with no insight and I strongly believe if she would just give it a chance therapy will help. It started to but it was not long enough. 

 

I too hope it's successful DS did meet today and a motion will be filed for intermediate parenting time with overnights and 50/50 custody. Sadly the holidays are right around the corner and even her attempts to wear him down he has not given up. From the sounds of things this might take time but baby steps making progress will be better than what has taken place thus far.

 

i am happy to have this forum as this is very emotional and stressful time. The worst part is your child crying and heartbroken and there is nothing we as his parents can do to comfort him. Just encourage him to not give up hope continue to be supportive. 

Again any and all advice comments are welcome. Sometimes we need that outside person to chime in. Especially when one is emotionally involved it can be difficult to see outside the circle/box.

 

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