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Julia33

Culture and taste (literally)

122 posts in this topic

8 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

That ^ is a common response, one of which contains the usual excuses-

I was sitting at a table once with an overweight diabetic who was chiding another overweight diabetic for eating too many of the cookies that she brought while knoshing on one of the cookies she brought- I looked at her and she was like, "I've been this size all my life- I have a problem with my thyroid-" I was like, "Well that may be so, but that's about your 12th cookie and his 6th- So don't even try to stare me down and shut me down- Opening your mouth to eat is one thing- Opening it to talk, opens up a discussion-" And that ended that-

I don't see where DIL or anyone in the house is a diabetic. The idea of counting how many cookies another adult is eating is a bit bizarre to me. I don't track my husband on such things, let alone someone I'm sharing a table with.

But, when I'm bringing a meal to a new family, (or anyone else) I offer several suggestions, ask what they'd like, and make that, since I consider the meal a gift to them, and have a weird idea that a gift ought to be what someone wants to receive, vs what I want them to have.

If I'm not able or willing to do a meal they actually want (if I were vegetarian, and they wanted meat, for example) then I would decline to bring a meal, and offer something else.

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Just now, ImpishMom said:

I don't see where DIL or anyone in the house is a diabetic. The idea of counting how many cookies another adult is eating is a bit bizarre to me. I don't track my husband on such things, let alone someone I'm sharing a table with.

But, when I'm bringing a meal to a new family, (or anyone else) I offer several suggestions, ask what they'd like, and make that, since I consider the meal a gift to them, and have a weird idea that a gift ought to be what someone wants to receive, vs what I want them to have.

If I'm not able or willing to do a meal they actually want (if I were vegetarian, and they wanted meat, for example) then I would decline to bring a meal, and offer something else.

Exactly! But there is a whole lot of pressuring to "cater" to the "preferred tastes" of the overweight in our US society- Why? Because they demand it by way of their wallets -- therefore, it's supplied- (not to mention the fact that poor eating habits have absolutely impacted our environment)

She opened her mouth to criticize him for eating too many cookies, but you didn't comment on that- You just called it bizarre that I noticed that she kept reaching and eating while sitting directly in front of me- Quite a few people I know would actually comment on their "inability" (joke) to stop eating potato chips until they reach the very last crumbs in the corner of the bag and laugh about it- So, sure- They're being honest- What's to notice? Unlike the cookie person, calling another out while her mouth is packed with cookies- Big difference ..

 

 

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1 minute ago, Komorebi said:

Exactly! But there is a whole lot of pressuring to "cater" to the "preferred tastes" of the overweight in our US society- Why? Because they demand it by way of their wallets -- therefore, it's supplied- (not to mention the fact that poor eating habits have absolutely impacted our environment)

She opened her mouth to criticize him for eating too many cookies, but you didn't comment on that- You just called it bizarre that I noticed that she kept reaching and eating while sitting directly in front of me- Quite a few people I know would actually comment on their "inability" (joke) to stop eating potato chips until they reach the very last crumbs in the corner of the bag and laugh about it- So, sure- They're being honest- What's to notice? Unlike the cookie person, calling another out while her mouth is packed with cookies- Big difference ..

 

 

Cause I'm talking to you, not her. If she was who I was talking to, I'd tell her the same thing. MYOB. Other adults can make their own choices, for good or ill. 

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7 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

Cause I'm talking to you, not her. If she was who I was talking to, I'd tell her the same thing. MYOB. Other adults can make their own choices, for good or ill. 

Then I guess we agree -- or so it seems-

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We encounter a similar problem with my FIL, though we don't eat nearly healthy enough ourselves. He is very overweight and uncontrolled diabetic/insulin dependent. And when I say insulin dependent I mean "I can eat whatever I want and then my insulin will fix it" dependent. I've seen the man eat a full buffet - mostly carbs - followed by 6 cookies with ice cream. Frankly I don't know how he doesn't go into diabetic shock at the table. But he is a grown man with a right to eat whatever he wants. It is not up to me, or DH or siblings to try to "make" him eat healthy. Experience has taught me that whether dealing with teenaged daughters or stubborn aging parents - the result is still the same - trying to force someone to do something they don't want to do, no matter how healthy, generally gets the opposite reaction.

For the OP, if you are asked for advice, the window is open. But if they don't ask, I don't offer.

 

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Listeria - that's a good point, IMO. A serious issue for pregnant women and not "just an excuse." But that only covers the cold cuts. And it doesn't say why the ILs couldn't have eaten the sandwiches.

Granted, on top of that, salads might bother the ILs' stomachs. Or maybe they simply prefer fast food, as Komo suggests. Who knows?

But, IMO, this whole thing could have been handled better if, again as Komo suggests, each side of the family had gotten their own food. If we're going to talk about that, though, I have to put some of it on DS. He should have known better than to think his ILs would be satisfied w/ his parents' choices, no matter how lovely and well-intentioned. And I find it hard to believe that 4 people were needed to take care of DGS. Certainly, one of his PILs could have gone out and bought the things that they enjoy. As it was, later, both of them did. Asking Julia and DH to provide lunch for all was almost bound to fail, given the differences.  TBF, DS probably didn't think it through. Hopefully, this won't happen again in the future.

Edited by RoseRed135

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Most foods can carry harmful bacteria -- even the healthiest of the food groups- But that's not the reason why people gravitate towards fast food- Tons of studies have been done- And as far as averages/percentages I doubt they are ever totally accurate but in order to offer a source, according to the CDC over 1/3 of the adult population in the US are obese and medical care costs for obesity related health issues were estimated to be $147 billion in 2008- I highly doubt that they've declined with obesity on the rise-

It is suggested that we shouldn't judge another for what they choose to eat, and I completely agree -- unless people bring it up in discussion- Otherwise, eat what you want- However, there used to be a time when doctors treated patients without judgement, and insurance covered A - Z-  But that's no longer the case-

I agree that some of the trouble stemmed from asking them to bring food already knowing the issues, but then again maybe he was looking forward to eating what they agreed to bring?

Edited by Komorebi

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48 minutes ago, RoseRed135 said:

Listeria - that's a good point, IMO. A serious issue for pregnant women and not "just an excuse." But that only covers the cold cuts. And it doesn't say why the ILs couldn't have eaten the sandwiches.

Granted, on top of that, salads might bother the ILs' stomachs. Or maybe they simply prefer fast food, as Komo suggests. Who knows?

But, IMO, this whole thing could have been handled better if, again as Komo suggests, each side of the family had gotten their own food. If we're going to talk about that, though, I have to put some of it on DS. He should have known better than to think his ILs would be satisfied w/ his parents' choices, no matter how lovely and well-intentioned. And I find it hard to believe that 4 people were needed to take care of DGS. Certainly, one of his PILs could have gone out and bought the things that they enjoy. As it was, later, both of them did. Asking Julia and DH to provide lunch for all was almost bound to fail, given the differences.  TBF, DS probably didn't think it through. Hopefully, this won't happen again in the future.

I think this is probably at the root of the whole problem here. I doubt DS thought the whole thing through when asking them to bring lunch for everyone. He's more than familiar with everyone's typical diet, and that there is a difference between his DW/IL's and his parents'. He should've known what kind of food his parents probably would've selected, and that it wouldn't be what his wife would pick. He put everyone in an awkward situation. I think if she and her parents knew the food was there and went out to get their food anyways, that was a bit rude. I've been given food I don't like/want during times like birth or someone dying, but I would always just say thank you, put it away and dispose of what wasn't wanted later. 

I think if the same situation would happen again, I'd ask what DS and DIL what you to bring, and be prepared they might choose something you don't approve of. If you feel you can't bring what they choose because they've picked something unhealthy, then a "bring your own food" rule for family get togethers might be the way to go. 

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53 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Most foods can carry harmful bacteria -- even the healthiest of the food groups- But that's not the reason why people gravitate towards fast food- Tons of studies have been done- And as far as averages/percentages I doubt they are ever totally accurate but in order to offer a source, according to the CDC over 1/3 of the adult population in the US are obese and medical care costs for obesity related health issues were estimated to be $147 billion in 2008- I highly doubt that they've declined with obesity on the rise-

It is suggested that we shouldn't judge another for what they choose to eat, and I completely agree -- unless people bring it up in discussion- Otherwise, eat what you want- However, there used to be a time when doctors treated patients without judgement, and insurance covered A - Z-  But that's no longer the case-

I agree that some of the trouble stemmed from asking them to bring food already knowing the issues, but then again maybe he was looking forward to eating what they agreed to bring?

Pregnant women are told by their OBs not to eat deli meat, due to issues w/listeria. It's not a matter of, "All foods can be a problem" it's genuinely a known 'no-no' for pregnant women, same as with soft cheeses.

I think this was miscommunication on several parts. Julia could have (should have, imo) asked what would work best for ds and DIL. Ds ought to have clarified or suggested what would work for him and DIL. I'm not certain what role DIL's parents played, simply b/c we don't know several issues: why DIL didn't eat the food Julia bought, if DIL or her parents suggest they pick up something else, etc. DIL's parents might've simply been trying to solve a problem.

If someone brings a meal that you can't eat (either due to restrictions, or dislike), how the heck do you deal with that? Is there a polite way of handling it?

I specify restrictions and dislike, b/c I wouldn't play if it were a serious allergy, the food would be out the door faster than it came in, to prevent even cross contamination. I'm lucky, and only have one Minion that's dairy sensitive (really bad stomach aches, and accompanying digestive issues) and we can work around that, but I have friends that the whole place would have to be decontaminated due to allergies (and yes, it's happened).

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Quote

 

I think that it's easy to be offended when no offense is intended.  Like Imp said, people need to eat and they can't or shouldn't have to eat food that they can't eat for whatever the reason is.  It took me a while to learn my DILs families food preferences.  They eat VERY plain- no sauces on anything.  No spices.  My first food experience w DILs family was- We brought chili when they were moving into their first apartment their last semester of college and no one ate it- too spicy.  At that time, I was offended about a lot of things, but I wasn't offended about this because like Imp said, people shouldn't have to eat food they don't like.  I've learned their likes and dislikes and now (mostly) bring food that everyone will eat.  My son and DIL bring their own groceries (mostly snacks) to my house. They've done that since day one.  I was never sure why- I do buy snacks- but I thought maybe it was because DIL thinks it is the polite thing to do- maybe she thinks you don't come to someone's house empty handed- so I decided that I should quit being offended about it.  It wasn't like they didn't eat ANY of the food I made.

To me it's only wrong if you make nasty comments about the food your host provides..  If you quietly go get something else to eat and not make a big deal about it there isn't anything rude about the situation.

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Like I said earlier, people wouldnt hand a beer to someone falling down drunk, offer drugs to someone with a drug addiction, buy tons more for hoarders to hoard but people have to eat so feed them what they "want" to eat even if they're obese- Never express your (general) genuine concern for their health- Just feed them whatever it is that they crave and continue to pay more in the way of insurance premiums as a direct result of the ever increasing cost to treat ailments related to being overweight- How is that treating each other with respect? Even doctors, of all people, have grown tired of discussing obesity with their patients which to me seems crazy since obesity is a disease and something a doctor I believe is obligated to treat even if their patients dont follow through with prescribed treatments-

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6 hours ago, ImpishMom said:

Pregnant women are told by their OBs not to eat deli meat, due to issues w/listeria. It's not a matter of, "All foods can be a problem" it's genuinely a known 'no-no' for pregnant women, same as with soft cheeses.

I think this was miscommunication on several parts. Julia could have (should have, imo) asked what would work best for ds and DIL. Ds ought to have clarified or suggested what would work for him and DIL. I'm not certain what role DIL's parents played, simply b/c we don't know several issues: why DIL didn't eat the food Julia bought, if DIL or her parents suggest they pick up something else, etc. DIL's parents might've simply been trying to solve a problem.

If someone brings a meal that you can't eat (either due to restrictions, or dislike), how the heck do you deal with that? Is there a polite way of handling it?

I specify restrictions and dislike, b/c I wouldn't play if it were a serious allergy, the food would be out the door faster than it came in, to prevent even cross contamination. I'm lucky, and only have one Minion that's dairy sensitive (really bad stomach aches, and accompanying digestive issues) and we can work around that, but I have friends that the whole place would have to be decontaminated due to allergies (and yes, it's happened).

Yes, of course you are fortunate in that just one of your children experiences such issues, the big but here though is that you do address it

Yet, we don't seem to treat obesity with the same concern- In fact, it appears to me that we (general) do the reverse or opposite- We advise not to discuss it and suggest to provide the foods they request-

I'm not suggesting that deli meats aren't on the list of foods OB's caution their patients to restrain from eating- I'm suggesting that whatever choices her DIL has already made obviously haven't been the healthiest if she is overweight -- meaning she isn't treating the disease she already has- I'm not faulting anyone for choosing not to eat deli meat to prevent yet another disease- However, almost all foods can carry bacteria and chemicals that could make one sick- 

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6 hours ago, ImpishMom said:

Pregnant women are told by their OBs not to eat deli meat, due to issues w/listeria. It's not a matter of, "All foods can be a problem" it's genuinely a known 'no-no' for pregnant women, same as with soft cheeses.

I think this was miscommunication on several parts. Julia could have (should have, imo) asked what would work best for ds and DIL. Ds ought to have clarified or suggested what would work for him and DIL. I'm not certain what role DIL's parents played, simply b/c we don't know several issues: why DIL didn't eat the food Julia bought, if DIL or her parents suggest they pick up something else, etc. DIL's parents might've simply been trying to solve a problem.

If someone brings a meal that you can't eat (either due to restrictions, or dislike), how the heck do you deal with that? Is there a polite way of handling it?

I specify restrictions and dislike, b/c I wouldn't play if it were a serious allergy, the food would be out the door faster than it came in, to prevent even cross contamination. I'm lucky, and only have one Minion that's dairy sensitive (really bad stomach aches, and accompanying digestive issues) and we can work around that, but I have friends that the whole place would have to be decontaminated due to allergies (and yes, it's happened).

Is there a polite way to handle food circumstances? Yes, although it might not appear polite at the time- Not when a person wants what they want regarding food- They'll see it as insulting- But just because they do doesn't mean one should quit and give up-

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31 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Like I said earlier, people wouldnt hand a beer to someone falling down drunk, offer drugs to someone with a drug addiction, buy tons more for hoarders to hoard but people have to eat so feed them what they "want" to eat even if they're obese- Never express your (general) genuine concern for their health- Just feed them whatever it is that they crave and continue to pay more in the way of insurance premiums as a direct result of the ever increasing cost to treat ailments related to being overweight- How is that treating each other with respect? Even doctors, of all people, have grown tired of discussing obesity with their patients which to me seems crazy since obesity is a disease and something a doctor I believe is obligated to treat even if their patients dont follow through with prescribed treatments-

The difference in everything you listed is that you can abstain from drugs, alcohol, and accumulation of things. Plus, all of those things have legal issues attached to them (drugs are illegal, drunk driving, and health code violations for hoarding). Food you have to have to live, and it's not illegal to eat junk, or be obese.

How is telling a grown adult what they can/cannot, should/should not be eating respectful? Are they so stupid that they don't know better, and your words will suddenly bring a dawning realization to them?

Thinking not. So, what, in reality, is talking going to accomplish? It might make the person doing the talking feel righteous and satisfied, but that's about it as far as I can see.

If you don't agree w/someone's diet, then don't eat it. Don't bring them meals, knowing full well that they don't eat as you do, and possibly use it as a passive aggressive dig at their food choices. If you're bringing a meal to someone's home, making something that they like is the attached reasonable expectation, as is when you invite a guest to your home for a meal.I'm *not* vegetarian, nor vegan. My MIL flip flops btwn the two, depending on if whipped cream and cheddar cheese are involved. Her religious faith follows the dietary restrictions of both Judiasm and Mormon (no shell fish, no pork, no coffee, no tea, no booze). I would never allow her to cook for me, as she makes gluten for protein, and I'm very careful about my gluten intake, due to family history of Celiac's and some digestive issues. Plus, (and no offence to anyone that makes it and likes it) that stuff is GREY. And the most unappealing thing I've ever seen flop onto a plate. Even without health concerns, there's no way I'd put it in my mouth. And I'm *allowed* to take that stance, b/c I'm an adult, and don't have to eat things that make me gag just to look at.

However, back when she was visiting, I always ensured that she had loads of things to eat. I prepared her stir fry separate from ours, so there was no possible cross contamination. I learned a variety of vegan recipes that wouldn't break my budget, that the kids and Wolf would still be willing to eat. B/c I was the hostess.

However, the vegan/vegetarian cook books hit the trash as soon as she left (from the 70s, calling for MSG amongst other things), and I learned to shut conversations down when she started demanding I feed my family as she believed right. The tracts she left after a visit, telling me how I was condemning my family to Hell for eating meat was delightful...but in her view, our diet was WRONG, and needed to be corrected. To her, every ill on the planet could be cured w/a vegan/vegetarian diet, and eliminating caffeine, sugar, and alcohol completely. I was no more grateful for her harassing me about our diet than anyone else would be about their weight. To her, it was a health issue, and we're all going to die AND go to Hell, if we don't eat as she commands.

I buy pop for guests that we'd otherwise not have in the house. And wine. And dessert. B/c they're a guest. I was taught that a hostess does their best to make the visit enjoyable. Having an ambush about someone's diet and weight doesn't fit that rule to me.

The OP raised her son, with her perspective on diet. Now is not the time to try and raise two adults to follow her nutrition ideas.

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5 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Is there a polite way to handle food circumstances? Yes, although it might not appear polite at the time- Not when a person wants what they want regarding food- They'll see it as insulting- But just because they do doesn't mean one should quit and give up-

Yeah, b/c someone that harasses you about your diet is someone you're so going to look forward to seeing, and see often.

An insulting guest isn't one that gets invited back. An insulting host finds themselves with an empty table.

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21 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Yes, of course you are fortunate in that just one of your children experiences such issues, the big but here though is that you do address it

Yet, we don't seem to treat obesity with the same concern- In fact, it appears to me that we (general) do the reverse or opposite- We advise not to discuss it and suggest to provide the foods they request-

I'm not suggesting that deli meats aren't on the list of foods OB's caution their patients to restrain from eating- I'm suggesting that whatever choices her DIL has already made obviously haven't been the healthiest if she is overweight -- meaning she isn't treating the disease she already has- I'm not faulting anyone for choosing not to eat deli meat to prevent yet another disease- However, almost all foods can carry bacteria and chemicals that could make one sick- 

Her DIL just had a baby, for heaven sakes. Give the woman a break.

ETA: I know I picked up the four weeks somewhere, but the OP just says 'new baby'

Edited by ImpishMom
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2 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

Her DIL just had a baby, for heaven sakes. Give the woman a break.

ETA: I know I picked up the four weeks somewhere, but the OP just says 'new baby'

Yes, it was suggested that there was a new baby and you suggested that she might be breastfeeding therefore chose not to have deli meat due to risk factors-

She just had a baby, give her a break- Allow me to offer a translation: Feed a woman with a disease food that contributes to her illness-

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12 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

Yeah, b/c someone that harasses you about your diet is someone you're so going to look forward to seeing, and see often.

An insulting guest isn't one that gets invited back. An insulting host finds themselves with an empty table.

Declining to contribute to someones illness is harassment?  Therefore, one doesn't get invited back?  When tables become empty as a result of not serving foods that contribute to illness, they'll be a testament to just how far people are committed to contributing to their own illness/s-

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7 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Declining to contribute to someones illness is harassment? No, IMO, but continually criticizing their food choices and trying to convince them to eat otherwise might be seen by them as "harassment." even if done w/ the best of intentions.  Therefore, one doesn't get invited back? If you (general) are constantly giving unwanted advice, whether about food or anything else, then no, you might not be invited back. You might be 100 % right, but if your advice is irritating someone, they might decide to distance you,just the same. When tables become empty as a result of not serving foods that contribute to illness, they'll be a testament to just how far people are committed to contributing to their own illness/s- Perhaps. But for a parent/GP, it could also mean not seeing as much of their AC/GC or, worse case scenario, not seeing them at all.

 

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34 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Declining to contribute to someones illness is harassment?  Therefore, one doesn't get invited back?  When tables become empty as a result of not serving foods that contribute to illness, they'll be a testament to just how far people are committed to contributing to their own illness/s-

Someone that gives unsolicited advice, pushes their agenda on others, is going to make themselves unwelcome.

Who the heck wants to listen to criticism every time they visit? 

43 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Yes, it was suggested that there was a new baby and you suggested that she might be breastfeeding therefore chose not to have deli meat due to risk factors-

She just had a baby, give her a break- Allow me to offer a translation: Feed a woman with a disease food that contributes to her illness-

No, how about the woman just had a baby. Could we give her time to, yanno, HEAL from childbirth before criticizing her weight?

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1 hour ago, Komorebi said:

Like I said earlier, people wouldnt hand a beer to someone falling down drunk, offer drugs to someone with a drug addiction, buy tons more for hoarders to hoard but people have to eat so feed them what they "want" to eat even if they're obese- ... Even doctors, of all people, have grown tired of discussing obesity with their patients...

No doubt, food is a trickier issue than some of the others b/c yes, "people have to eat." Also, b/c "one man's meat is (often) another man's poison" since some people, say, have difficulty w/ salads, as healthy as they are, etc. I get what you're saying - I just think it's a murkier issue than knowing not to give another beer to someone who is already drunk.and so on.

Regardless, the statement about doctors seems like a sweeping generalization to me.

1 hour ago, Komorebi said:

Yes, of course you are fortunate in that just one of your children experiences such issues, the big but here though is that you do address it

Yet, we don't seem to treat obesity with the same concern- In fact, it appears to me that we (general) do the reverse or opposite- We advise not to discuss it and suggest to provide the foods they request-

 

But Imp is talking about an underage child. IMO, a parent w/ a truly obese child needs to address that, too, w/ sensitivity and perhaps a doctor's guidance. Raising the issue w/ an AC or CIL, etc. is a whole different ball game.

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20 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

The difference in everything you listed is that you can abstain from drugs, alcohol, and accumulation of things. Plus, all of those things have legal issues attached to them (drugs are illegal, drunk driving, and health code violations for hoarding). Food you have to have to live, and it's not illegal to eat junk, or be obese.

How is telling a grown adult what they can/cannot, should/should not be eating respectful? Are they so stupid that they don't know better, and your words will suddenly bring a dawning realization to them?

Thinking not. So, what, in reality, is talking going to accomplish? It might make the person doing the talking feel righteous and satisfied, but that's about it as far as I can see.

If you don't agree w/someone's diet, then don't eat it. Don't bring them meals, knowing full well that they don't eat as you do, and possibly use it as a passive aggressive dig at their food choices. If you're bringing a meal to someone's home, making something that they like is the attached reasonable expectation, as is when you invite a guest to your home for a meal.I'm *not* vegetarian, nor vegan. My MIL flip flops btwn the two, depending on if whipped cream and cheddar cheese are involved. Her religious faith follows the dietary restrictions of both Judiasm and Mormon (no shell fish, no pork, no coffee, no tea, no booze). I would never allow her to cook for me, as she makes gluten for protein, and I'm very careful about my gluten intake, due to family history of Celiac's and some digestive issues. Plus, (and no offence to anyone that makes it and likes it) that stuff is GREY. And the most unappealing thing I've ever seen flop onto a plate. Even without health concerns, there's no way I'd put it in my mouth. And I'm *allowed* to take that stance, b/c I'm an adult, and don't have to eat things that make me gag just to look at.

However, back when she was visiting, I always ensured that she had loads of things to eat. I prepared her stir fry separate from ours, so there was no possible cross contamination. I learned a variety of vegan recipes that wouldn't break my budget, that the kids and Wolf would still be willing to eat. B/c I was the hostess.

However, the vegan/vegetarian cook books hit the trash as soon as she left (from the 70s, calling for MSG amongst other things), and I learned to shut conversations down when she started demanding I feed my family as she believed right. The tracts she left after a visit, telling me how I was condemning my family to Hell for eating meat was delightful...but in her view, our diet was WRONG, and needed to be corrected. To her, every ill on the planet could be cured w/a vegan/vegetarian diet, and eliminating caffeine, sugar, and alcohol completely. I was no more grateful for her harassing me about our diet than anyone else would be about their weight. To her, it was a health issue, and we're all going to die AND go to Hell, if we don't eat as she commands.

I buy pop for guests that we'd otherwise not have in the house. And wine. And dessert. B/c they're a guest. I was taught that a hostess does their best to make the visit enjoyable. Having an ambush about someone's diet and weight doesn't fit that rule to me.

The OP raised her son, with her perspective on diet. Now is not the time to try and raise two adults to follow her nutrition ideas.

People can abstain from eating certain foods- They've the inherent ability to do so- And while there's no law against obesity there's definitely negative repercussion as a result -- not to mention additional cost incurred by all by way of increased health insurance premiums- The laws in place for drinking, drugs and hoarding aren't in place to prevent but penalize- Meaning people do drink, do drugs and hoard- By the same token, people eat as much as the laws of a body allows- But not without something breaking down-

 

 

 

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27 minutes ago, RoseRed135 said:

Declining to contribute to someones illness is harassment? No, IMO, but continually criticizing their food choices and trying to convince them to eat otherwise might be seen by them as "harassment." even if done w/ the best of intentions.  Therefore, one doesn't get invited back? If you (general) are constantly giving unwanted advice, whether about food or anything else, then no, you might not be invited back. You might be 100 % right, but if your advice is irritating someone, they might decide to distance you,just the same. When tables become empty as a result of not serving foods that contribute to illness, they'll be a testament to just how far people are committed to contributing to their own illness/s- Perhaps. But for a parent/GP, it could also mean not seeing as much of their AC/GC or, worse case scenario, not seeing them at all.

I'm glad you brought up not seeing them at all, Rose- Because anyone who loves a family member who is obese stands a good chance of not seeing them at all sooner than they may have expected due to their disease- I understand people don't want to sacrifice seeing people for any reason, even if it means contributing to a persons disease- And nobody actually wants to protect the children being overfed because people want to be able to see them more than they feel they need to contribute to their well being- In essence, it is a form of enabling as much as it is neglect- 

 

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27 minutes ago, RoseRed135 said:

No doubt, food is a trickier issue than some of the others b/c yes, "people have to eat." Also, b/c "one man's meat is (often) another man's poison" since some people, say, have difficulty w/ salads, as healthy as they are, etc. I get what you're saying - I just think it's a murkier issue than knowing not to give another beer to someone who is already drunk.and so on.

Regardless, the statement about doctors seems like a sweeping generalization to me.

But Imp is talking about an underage child. IMO, a parent w/ a truly obese child needs to address that, too, w/ sensitivity and perhaps a doctor's guidance. Raising the issue w/ an AC or CIL, etc. is a whole different ball game.

Yes, people have to eat- But for as many times as that phrase has been repeated, someone needs to speak up and suggest that people don't need to eat as much as they do- There's a nice way to say it, " I don't want to support your (general) demise-" What's not nice is the defensive response that follows-

Some doctors do seem to be at a loss when it comes to treating obesity, especially in the area of discussing it with their patients- They often receive a similar response as anyone would who attempts to encourage weight loss and healthy eating habits and lifestyle changes-

28 minutes ago, RoseRed135 said:

But Imp is talking about an underage child. IMO, a parent w/ a truly obese child needs to address that, too, w/ sensitivity and perhaps a doctor's guidance. Raising the issue w/ an AC or CIL, etc. is a whole different ball game.

 

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58 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

Someone that gives unsolicited advice, pushes their agenda on others, is going to make themselves unwelcome.

Who the heck wants to listen to criticism every time they visit? 

No, how about the woman just had a baby. Could we give her time to, yanno, HEAL from childbirth before criticizing her weight?

Some families process efforts differently- They don't hold grudges or get defensive when someone doesn't contribute to or enable anothers disease- They don't base how much they are loved on receiving the food they want-

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