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RoseRed135

S/O of "Grandchild cuts off grandparent"

45 posts in this topic

Further....DS has stated he will facilitate DGS and DH getting together. Then he will not allow DGS to read DH’s note.

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Annie, it's possible that DS does want to facilitate a relationship between DGS and DH, but also thinks that requires an admission of wrongdoing on DH's part. He may not have shown DGS the note b/c he doesn't feel it was the "right" kind of apology.

If this is the case, sorry to say, there may be nothing that can be done at the moment b/c, as mentioned earlier, DH doesn't believe he did anything wrong.

Then again, DS could be playing games b/c he really doesn't want to facilitate the relationship but just doesn't want to look like the "bad guy" in DGS' eyes.

If that's the case, then, of course, here again, there's nothing that can be done right now.

It may be painful to realize, especially so close to Christmas, but I think the GF/GS relationship is on hold for the time being. And, by extension, the same might be true of your own  relationship w/ DGS . I'm so sorry to say this, but, IMO, it's true.

But perhaps someone else can come up w/ a solution. I certainly hope so.

(((Hugs!)))

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annie, It seems to me that you and hubby will have to patch up your relationship with your son before you will get the opportunity to get in touch with your grandson.

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DS and DH patching things up is not going to happen. 30 years of this.....

im just sick of it.

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On 12/3/2017 at 5:26 PM, annierobyn said:

DS and DH patching things up is not going to happen. 30 years of this.....

im just sick of it.

It's a good place to start, a good beginning, to reach a point of enough is enough- Sometimes people in general have a difficult time simply appreciating one another-

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Based on many of your posts annie, it seems to me that your son likes to use your GS in his fights with people.  In the past when he's angry at you he has used not seeing your GS as punishment.  It sounds like he has never gotten along with your husband.  Based on what you've said about him I find it highly likely that he really doesn't want to facilitate any relationship between your husband and your GS.  I think he says he does, he might even think he does, but based on his behavior, he doesn't.

Your in counseling with him.  Why don't you discuss this with him with the counselor?

Edited by skipped

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Skipped - I will try to address this though he will say it’s entirely DGS decision. All I can do is try. Sigh...

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Remind him that DGS needs all the facts to make an informed decision....

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Mame925 - this is DS who refused to give DGS the apology note from DH because, in his opinion, it was “lame ***”. Need I say more? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

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3 hours ago, annierobyn said:

Mame925 - this is DS who refused to give DGS the apology note from DH because, in his opinion, it was “lame ***”. Need I say more? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

All the more reason to bring it to his attention...

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On 21/11/2017 at 0:03 PM, ImpishMom said:

Diva has been ITO/VVVVLC w/MIL ever since MIL sent me a Mother's Day card that left her out of the number of children I had. Was more than bad enough that MIL would occasionally 'forget' to include Diva among Wolf's children, but to leave her out of how many children *I* had?! Yeah, that's a no fly zone.

MIL sometimes asks to talk to her, but Diva's had enough. I think MIL not even uttering a 'congrats' about Wolf adopting Diva just cemented that one.

Unbefreakinglievable! Grand witch indeed. 

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I CO my MGM after I was an adult when I realised she was very nice to other people but horrid to her own family. I told her that if she could be nice to strangers she could darned well be nice to her family and then just never visited her again. 

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On 11/21/2017 at 5:03 PM, ImpishMom said:

Diva has been ITO/VVVVLC w/MIL ever since MIL sent me a Mother's Day card that left her out of the number of children I had. Was more than bad enough that MIL would occasionally 'forget' to include Diva among Wolf's children, but to leave her out of how many children *I* had?! Yeah, that's a no fly zone.

MIL sometimes asks to talk to her, but Diva's had enough. I think MIL not even uttering a 'congrats' about Wolf adopting Diva just cemented that one.

@ImpishMom How old was Diva when all that started? How did she know about being left out? I realize that might be getting too much and too personal of info so I understand if you don't want to answer. I ask because ODD was 10 when IL's were jerks to her, no hiding that from her. She'd pretty much made up her mind about them right away.

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I th9ink my son was eight when he realized though the PGPs did have two grandsons and one granddaughter, the oldest who was a child of the favored younger son would be the favorite.  He knew that as the second GS, he wasn't needed but as the only GD his sister was.

I think even when parents are really careful to hid their own feelings, smart kids pick up on being "left out" quickly.

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35 minutes ago, SueSTx said:

I th9ink my son was eight when he realized though the PGPs did have two grandsons and one granddaughter, the oldest who was a child of the favored younger son would be the favorite.  He knew that as the second GS, he wasn't needed but as the only GD his sister was.

 

Sue, could this be part of the reason for the checkered relationship between him and his sister?

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LOL...no.

When he left for college, there were no free long distance calls.  No cell phones except bag phones.  I had bought a computer for them to do there school work on and chat with them when they left home.  The first months phone bill came and it was nearly $300 and I only called him every other Sunday.  DD had been calling every day when she go home from school because she missed him.  They were told to use chat.

I haven't a clue what is her problem.  She might have said a dozen words to her SIL in the nearly 20 years they have been around each other.  When she was separated, she called him several times a week for advice or a pat on the back.  When they got back together, everything changed there also.  IMHO the issue is her and not him...and I will not ask questions.  When DS is here at the same time as they are, he shows no issue, she barely acknowledges their appearance.

At Christmas, she referred to him as "your son".  I just ignore that kind of action.

ETA:  She is really brilliant hard working young lady and nobody she has worked with for the last going on 20 year has ever seem this side of her.  She saves it for her family because she knows we love her unconditionally warts and all.  We just take her behavior with a grain of salt.

She is definitely a "I don't wanna" pertaining some family issues, and I let her.  But if we ever call her with a medical need, she will drop what she is doing and beat us to the hospital.

Edited again:  I don't want anyone to think he is the favored child...he has his own warts also.  He has expensive hobbies and sometimes his desires do come before his wife's, but he does his share of tending the kids sometimes even over night so she can have her me time.  She has been gone several days at a time and left one of the kids at home with him.  But sometimes, I just shake my head at things he says.

 

Edited by SueSTx

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My SIL was the typical Step-Dad and worse because he threw my GDD out 3 times. The last x  he tried to have her put in Foster Care. All family members were asked to take her, we were the ones who said yes. 

Our SIL refuses to let us see our other 3 GCH he has w/our DD and she is so blinded by the money of his Parents  so she goes along with it.

Very long story but I have not seen my GCH for maybe 3 years now, with other losses in my life I have just made peace with it. I have 2 lovely GCH I do have in my life and my husband, so I am just fine.

My DD would be shocked, she thinks my life evolves around her, but she does not my youngest DD does.  

My youngest DD being killed is so much more of a loss than my SIL or DD can even imagine, so I put my loss and love into that DD.

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On 2017-12-15 at 10:56 PM, Cupcake55 said:

@ImpishMom How old was Diva when all that started? How did she know about being left out? I realize that might be getting too much and too personal of info so I understand if you don't want to answer. I ask because ODD was 10 when IL's were jerks to her, no hiding that from her. She'd pretty much made up her mind about them right away.

She was 4 when we got married, 6 when we had our next baby. Thankfully, due to being long distance, it wasn't 'in her face' as much, but the obvious disparity in gifts (Diva was given a 2nd hand ratty plastic doll, who's insides were covered in mould from MIL's sister's storage unit, baby had a new outfit, new toy...oh, and Diva was given a new board book w/a post it note on it, instructing her to read it to her brother) that happened was something even a 6 yo picked up on. Wolf stomped it, hard, and for a number of years, MIL would simply send a cheque for birthdays/holidays for us to get the kids something, which worked much better.

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Continuing saga..... 11 year old DGS has refused our Valentines  gift saying he wants nothing to do with us. There is NO doubt he is being emotionally abused by his father who is my DS, and his partner. We cannot call Children’s Aid are there is no physical violence. Emotional abuse can hurt more than physical. The scars remain forever. The child is being raised with hate in his heart by 2 narcissistic personalities. We’ve had an amazing relationship until approx 7 years ago when DS started dating his bipolar partner. And yes this has a lot to do with it. She is controlling, thinks her stepson is her child and is verbally abusive to anyone and everyone. She has successfully cut off my son from ALL his family that he was once so close with. As he said to me once “how can you leave someone just because they are sick?” DGS is following the same path. We are beyond heartbroken. We know there is nothing more we can do. We are keeping all pics, letters and documents that will be given to him at 18 through a lawyer. That way he must be given them. Right now whatever we have sent has been intercepted by his Dad. We really were a loving close family. I keep in thinking it’s a nightmare and I will wake up. The pain of this loss is immeasurable. Thanks for listening.

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16 minutes ago, annierobyn said:

Continuing saga..... 11 year old DGS has refused our Valentines  gift saying he wants nothing to do with us. There is NO doubt he is being emotionally abused by his father who is my DS, and his partner. We cannot call Children’s Aid are there is no physical violence. Emotional abuse can hurt more than physical. The scars remain forever. The child is being raised with hate in his heart by 2 narcissistic personalities. We’ve had an amazing relationship until approx 7 years ago when DS started dating his bipolar partner. And yes this has a lot to do with it. She is controlling, thinks her stepson is her child and is verbally abusive to anyone and everyone. She has successfully cut off my son from ALL his family that he was once so close with. As he said to me once “how can you leave someone just because they are sick?” DGS is following the same path. We are beyond heartbroken. We know there is nothing more we can do. We are keeping all pics, letters and documents that will be given to him at 18 through a lawyer. That way he must be given them. Right now whatever we have sent has been intercepted by his Dad. We really were a loving close family. I keep in thinking it’s a nightmare and I will wake up. The pain of this loss is immeasurable. Thanks for listening.

(((Hugs!)))

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