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RoseRed135

The Great Spanking Debate

18 posts in this topic

Once upon a time, spanking was a regular part of discipline in many homes. In recent decades, there has been a growing debate over this, with some people arguing that it's "ok" or even a good idea, while others counter that it's abusive and sets a bad example, etc.. What's your opinion

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Note: The following was copied & pasted from an old (now-locked) thread of JustaGrandma's in this same forum:

Gmlou58

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On 5/3/2013 at 10:45 AM, JustaGrandma said:

Spare the rod and spoil the child or does spanking teach a child hitting is okay when you are mad?

My grandkids are 6 & 11 and have  been raised without spankings. Well they hit each other all day! Kicking, slapping, punching, yelling you name it! 

Edited 24 minutes ago by Gmlou58
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Edited by RoseRed135
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4 minutes ago, RoseRed135 said:

Note: The following was copied & pasted from an old (now-locked) thread of JustaGrandma's in this same forum:

Gmlou58

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My grandkids are 6 & 11 and have  been raised without spankings. Well they hit each other all day! Kicking, slapping, punching, yelling you name it! 

Edited 24 minutes ago by Gmlou58
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Hi again, Gmlou! Interesting post!

I'm wondering... do the parents do anything at all about the hitting and kicking, etc? I know they don't spank them, but have they tried separating them, giving them time outs or taking away privileges?

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Not a fan of spanking here. And there is a HUGE difference btwn a 4 and 5 yo hitting each other and an adult hitting a child.

My 4 and 5 yo do get physical w/each other, and are learning not to. "Hands are for hugging, not hitting!" is a thing here. Time outs, separating them, etc.

They are each other's worst enemies at times, but Lord forbid one of them gets put on time out for something, or I'm speaking sternly to one, b/c the other is right up my butt, mad at me for 'hurting his (brother's) feelings!'

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I spanked, but I'm not so sure it's the right thing to do today, account all of the information surfacing about the long-term effects related to.

I grew up in a spanking home. My mom took after us kids when needed, and yes, we got it. There was no half-measure or in-between approach when mom administered a spanking, it was an all-out hide-tanning, often on the bare bottom which hurt even more. After a spanking, you were careful not to repeat whatever it was that you did to deserve the last spanking you got, because you remembered the discomfort.

Yes, times really were different. I remember spanking as a babysitter, which I can only imagine would be unheard of today, but in the 60's and 70's, warming a child's bottom you were sitting, was all in a days or evenings work. It came with the territory, just like warming a bottle or changing a diaper.

With my own children, I spanked when needed, and the severity of the spanking depended solely on the infraction. I recall my oldest son getting into my cigarettes and matches one day, and I blistered his butt for it. He never touched my cigarettes or matches again. Other times it was a simple as a few smart pops through their diapers to redirect their focus and to get their attention.

I believe if I were raising children today, I would make every effort to utilize all tools at my disposal (before pulling-out the spanking card) when dealing with infractions and behavioural issues.

Nonetheless, my children didn't seem to suffer any long-term problems or issues as a result of being spanked, but that doesn't go to say that other children didn't. I do believe every kid is different. Some kids are strong-willed and you can't break them, whereas other kids recoil at the first stern look directed at them.

I do believe as parents (most of us) try and do our best, and even though we still fail in certain areas, we don't set out to cause our children long-term suffering or pain.

Do also think that being raised in an era (like I was) when spanking was the norm, helps sets the stage to spank as a parent when the time comes, because that's what you remember and know, so carrying-on with tradition tends to be your go-to choice.

Edited by BalloonPants
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I think Maya Angelou's quote is appropriate. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Some traditions are meant to be broken, and the world is better for it.

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59 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

I think Maya Angelou's quote is appropriate. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Some traditions are meant to be broken, and the world is better for it.

Absolutely 100% agree with you. There are so many better ways to deal with childhood issues than spanking. It’s just plain lazy and nasty. 

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My advice - don't do it!  Especially as a grandparent, the potential for, if not actual harm, a grave misunderstanding is all too possible!  Although I did spank the one daughter I raised from birth, would not do so to any of my grandchildren...better to punish in another way, if needed, but - redirect their attention if/when possible. 

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Really? Out of everyone here, I'm the only mother that spanked her kids?

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56 minutes ago, BalloonPants said:

Really? Out of everyone here, I'm the only mother that spanked her kids?

No, of course not- (just the only one who admitted it!) But most who did spank, I believe, no longer do- Which is a good thing- It is strange though how children are inclined to resolve issues with hitting / grabbing eventhough they've never been spanked- Animal instinct / primal wiring? No idea..

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On 12/10/2017 at 1:26 PM, RoseRed135 said:

Note: The following was copied & pasted from an old (now-locked) thread of JustaGrandma's in this same forum:

Gmlou58

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My grandkids are 6 & 11 and have  been raised without spankings. Well they hit each other all day! Kicking, slapping, punching, yelling you name it! 

Edited 24 minutes ago by Gmlou58
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Actually, BP, I think Gmlou's post above suggests that she did spank her kids even though her AC and CIL do not.

2 hours ago, BalloonPants said:

Really? Out of everyone here, I'm the only mother that spanked her kids?

 

1 hour ago, Komorebi said:

No, of course not- (just the only one who admitted it!) But most who did spank, I believe, no longer do- Which is a good thing- It is strange though how children are inclined to resolve issues with hitting / grabbing eventhough they've never been spanked- Animal instinct / primal wiring? No idea..

The bolded is interesting, Komo. I've often wondered about that myself.

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On 12/10/2017 at 1:26 PM, RoseRed135 said:

Note: The following was copied & pasted from an old (now-locked) thread of JustaGrandma's in this same forum:

Gmlou58

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My grandkids are 6 & 11 and have  been raised without spankings. Well they hit each other all day! Kicking, slapping, punching, yelling you name it! 

Edited 24 minutes ago by Gmlou58
Spelling

Actually, BP, I think Gmlou's post above suggests that she did spank her kids even though her AC and CIL do not.

2 hours ago, BalloonPants said:

Really? Out of everyone here, I'm the only mother that spanked her kids?

 

1 hour ago, Komorebi said:

No, of course not- (just the only one who admitted it!) But most who did spank, I believe, no longer do- Which is a good thing- It is strange though how children are inclined to resolve issues with hitting / grabbing eventhough they've never been spanked- Animal instinct / primal wiring? No idea..

The bolded is interesting, Komo. I've often wondered about that myself.

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MIIINNNEEEE.....and ****** it back or smack someone and take it back...I do think it's primal. My kids got a few swats here and there, spanking was never the go to punishment. I often threatened with a wooden spoon, used it once! It became a symbol of my irritation and a chance for them to self correct....

Me: Are you behind in your beatings?

Them: No!

Me: Are you sure? Let me get my spoon, we can get caught up...

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I always did my best to seek-out alternative punishments for when my kids needed smartening-up, but when push come to shove and I exhausted all avenues and options, I was never afraid to warm a bottom.

I recall lining-up three at a time for a lickin' on a few occasions. I'd strip each down to their didies or underpants, have them stand in a line (inside the bathroom), then one-by-one, I'd pluck them from the standing line, and while sitting on the dropped lid of the toilet, I'd turn each over my knee and administer a good old-fashioned proper spanking, all while those waiting in line would have to watch, knowing their turn was coming.

I got results, and sure, I highly doubt I'd be a spanker today if I was raising a family, but back in the day, administering a spanking was all in a day's work as a mother. Heck, I administered many-a spanking as a babysitter, and though I was never allowed to spank younger siblings, I witnessed my own mom handing-down plenty of spankings, spankings far more severe than I ever dreamed of applying.

Yes, some traditions I'm happy to see the end of, but for the most part, I don't regret the paddling's I gave. I know for a fact I would have drawn criticism from the likes of my mother, aunts, great aunts, and many others, had I not spanked, just as I have drawn criticism from people over having spanked.

I believe a majority of us do our best to be our best, and breaking the cycle of spanking is a hard one, especially if that's all you knew. Like mother, like daughter.

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Hmmm... So much has to do w/ the era. As you say, BP, back then, you would have been criticized if you didn't spank. Times have changed.

Then again, even back in the day, DM had doubts about spanking. She wasn't comfortable hitting someone smaller and weaker than herself. Yet, when all else failed, she did resort to spanking a few times.

As for me, I started out determined not to spank. But like DM before me, when nothing else seemed to be working, I did give out a few spankings. Nowadays, I would just take a TO for myself, to refuel and figure out what to do. (This is what I do if ever I have an especially difficult time watching my granddolls.) But back then, that wouldn't have occurred to me.

I don't think YDD has ever spanked her kids. She relies mostly on TOs/sending them to their rooms and taking away privileges. But, for the most part, her kids are very well behaved (again, once in a while, there's a difficult day, but mostly they're fine). So I guess she's doing ok.

Biggest problem it seems to me is their hitting each other if they're really mad, even though they don't get hit by adults. As Komo and Mame suggest, that may be "primal."

Edited by RoseRed135

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9 minutes ago, RoseRed135 said:

Hmmm... So much has to do w/ the era. As you say, BP, back then, you would have been criticized if you didn't spank. Times have changed.

Then again, even back in the day, DM had doubts about spanking. She wasn't comfortable hitting someone smaller and weaker than herself. Yet, when all else failed, she did resort to spanking a few times.

As for me, I started out determined not to spank. But like DM before me, when nothing else seemed to be working, I did give out a few spankings. Nowadays, I would just take a TO for myself, to refuel and figure out what to do. (This is what I do if ever I have an especially difficult time watching my granddolls.) But back then, that wouldn't have occurred to me.

I don't think YDD has ever spanked her kids. She relies mostly on TOs/sending them to their rooms and taking away privileges. But, for the most part, her kids are very well behaved (again, once in a while, there's a difficult day, but mostly they're fine). So I guess she's doing ok.

Biggest problem it seems to me is their hitting each other if they're really mad, even though they don't get hit by adults. As Komo and Mame suggest, that may be "primal."

Even as spankers, I believe our intentions were good. None of us set-out to harm or injury our children, yet all too often I read comments suggesting that spanking is beating or abusing. Rest assured, none of my children suffered any beating or abuse, but when I felt a spanking was due, they got one.

I'm convinced that there's something primal about hitting, and having been raised in an era where spanking was standard punishment for misbehaving or doing something you knew you shouldn't be doing, it's all too easy to carry that tradition forward. Breaking habits is a hard thing to do.

I'm proud of your daughter for not spanking. I believe it's the right course of direction nowadays. Some things are better off left in the past. Too many children did suffer beatings and abuse. I'm happy to see those days behind us.

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We got spanked as kids. (I think many of us have memories of scattering when we heard the kitchen drawer open for the wooden spoon!) Hubby rarely spanked my stepdaughter when she was little - I think I only remember 2 or 3 times since we've been together that he spanked her. (She was 5 when we met.) She's quite well-behaved as a rule, so it wasn't a big issue. Of course, not being her natural mother, I didn't think it was my place. We did try as much as possible to use alternative means of discipline, and now that she's 13, she's too big to spank anyway.

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16 minutes ago, agnurse said:

We got spanked as kids. (I think many of us have memories of scattering when we heard the kitchen drawer open for the wooden spoon!) Hubby rarely spanked my stepdaughter when she was little - I think I only remember 2 or 3 times since we've been together that he spanked her. (She was 5 when we met.) She's quite well-behaved as a rule, so it wasn't a big issue. Of course, not being her natural mother, I didn't think it was my place. We did try as much as possible to use alternative means of discipline, and now that she's 13, she's too big to spank anyway.

I have 3 kids of my own, and two step (which I don't even consider them step after all these years), however, I remember the first few spankings I gave my step-kids. Two or three spankings was all it took for me to feel right at home and absolutely comfortable with giving them a spanking.

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