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grandmafromafar

Granny pod for visiting?

11 posts in this topic

Hi: I'm wondering if anyone has experience with staying in a granny pod, made-over garage, or similar arrangement when visiting grand children who live far away? My daughter is remodeling her garage as a studio and putting in a fold out bed and other conveniences.  The last time I visited them in Canada I stayed in a 1br apt short term rental and my grandson came to stay with me since it was close to his university and also I think so I wouldn't be alone. The price was quite high, especially taking in the plan ticket. My SIL paid for it so no complaints, but I think I would feel less of a burden if I knew there was not such a huge expense associated with my visit.

  This time there is a possibility to stay in the garage studio but I'm wondering how this will work out.  I know that my daughter and family like their privacy (thus the outside accommodations on the last trip) and I respect that. I also know that if I do go granny podding I would need to withhold the urge to just drop in at any and all times.

  Anyone have experience or suggestions on this?

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No experience, but when looking at homes for sale and wishing (need a lotto win to really do it) having an IL suite with a separate entrance is high on my list or at least a sitting area and a private bath.

ETA:  I just remembered, My youngest sister and her husband lived with mother for 6 or seven years after their daughter graduated.  Mother has a duplex converted into a single large one family home.  The laundry room in what would have been the kitchen for the second home.  They took their meals together and after the kitchen was cleaned at night, they went to their half of the house and did their own thing while mother staid in hers and read or watched TV.  It worked for them.

 

Edited by SueSTx

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Thanks Sue. Sounds like it may work. I guess I'm more worried about my own yearning to pop out of the pod to see what's going on!  But if they build it as they are thinking of, it may be worth a try, with great concentration and control! The benefits far outweigh the concentration!

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I think I'd give it a try and see if it will work.  If not, you can move some other arrangement.

Even though it as Mother's home...she didn't intrude unless she knocked (respecting their marriage), but they would walk right in like they lived there which they did.  Sometimes they watched TV with mother and sometimes not.

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I think it's certainly worth a try. Just as long as you can expect each other's privacy, I think it could work out. Some boundaries will have to be set, IMO, as to when you can come into their actual house and when they can visit you in the "granny pod." You'll have to control that urge to just "drop in at any and all times." But perhaps you can do that by acting as if it's just the same as being in the rental that you were in last time. Also, I hope they won't just pop in on you any time, even though it's their property, anymore than they would just barge in if you were staying in a guest room w/in their home.

It's not as if you're moving in. Since it's just for a visit, you'll know there's an end date. And if it doesn't seem to be working out, you can cut the visit shorter or just know to stay elsewhere the next time.

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I have a fully furnished spare bedroom with my mothers bed, bedframe and dresser in it.  I asked for these specifically for her so that she would come up and visit her only biological grandchild.  My daughter turned 2 years old on the 12th. My mother has not stayed one night, let alone one weekend.  :( 

Edited by EleanorsDaddy
edited for clarity

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My daughter and son in law want me to move in with them and they would have a a MIL suite either downstairs or over the garage. I have mixed feeling mainly because I am a very private person. I love my daughter, SIL and grandchildren, but Im not sure how it would work.  anyone have ideas?

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If you have mixed feeling going into the situation, I would think long and hard about moving in the same space. Make sure everyone understand the rules and the boundaries before any moves are made. A good friend of mine had some health issues, her son and DIL suggested they move in and help out. DIL was the driving force in the beginning. My friend added on to her home made an in law apartment for herself. 4 years down the road, DS and DIl are getting a divorce, the home where my friend lived for over 40 years had to be sold because she could not afford to keep it with all the improvements. And did I mention she hasn't seen her GK's in over 4 months. Very sad situation but they just didn't think it out before the move in. Good luck!

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15 hours ago, imoobear said:

My daughter and son in law want me to move in with them and they would have a a MIL suite either downstairs or over the garage. I have mixed feeling mainly because I am a very private person. I love my daughter, SIL and grandchildren, but Im not sure how it would work.  anyone have ideas?

Welcome imoobear! Glad you decided to come in and talk w/ us!

IMO (in my opinion), it's wonderful that you, DD (dear daughter) and SIL (son-in-law) all get along well enough that they've invited you to come and live w/ them! But I understand your having mixed feelings (I'm "a very private person," too). And I agree w/ Daisy that this means you need to "think long and hard" before you make any such moves.

Also, I agree w/ her that firm boundaries need to be set - on both sides of the ledger. Maybe DD and SIL don't want you to come into their part of the house after a certain time, for example. Or they need you to call/text and ask first before you do. And/or vice versa. Of course, circumstances may change a little over time. And situations may arise that none of you anticipated and will have to be handled in the moment. But, IMO, they need to let you know their limits, as much as possible before any move is made. And you need to let them know yours.

In fact, IMO, it would also be a good idea to discuss expectations, if any, w/ DD and SIL before you make your decision. Sometimes, for instance, a GP who makes such a move envisions lots of opportunities to babysit or becoming the daily "nanny granny" for the GC (grandchildren). But the parents only imagine including the GP in some family time w/ babysitting limited to once or twice a week.  Or the parents expect that the GP will be happy to watch the GC whenever asked, and the GP is the one who feels once or twice a week is enough. Or the parents figure GP will watch GC in the main part of the house, but GP envisions babysitting in their suite. Or again, vice versa.

IOWs (in other words) I think you and DD/SIL need to see if/where there are any differences And, if so, you need to see if any workable compromises can be worked out. If so, great! If not - or if you don't really feel comfortable w/ the compromises suggested - then that may be your cue to decline.

 

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But I just realized this is grandmafromafar's thread, and we've all been hijacking it! Sorry @grandmafromafar!

As such, I've created a more general spinoff topic. Just click it on here:

 

 

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I threaten DD on occasion that when I'm unable to maintain my home alone I'll be moving in with her...Then we laugh, hard...no way am I living with any of my kids. What I have decided to do, however, when I'm ready to give up this house, is buy one near DS/DIL. It's about 45 min from where I am now, in a town I can get used to...DD lives in a town I don't like at all, too big/sprawling. She and DS live about 30 minutes apart, so not an issue. The thought of moving closer to him (and their 5 kids!) just dawned on me one day, so decision made. And all are good with it. 

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