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EleanorsDaddy

Hands-Off Grandparents

23 posts in this topic

Hello.  Finally able to post my first post and stop hinting at it in responses to other people's posts.  First, some clarification.  I'm not a grandparent.  I'm an oldest son in his early 30's married to DW (she's an oldest sibling, too).  DW and I had our daughter in 2015.  My family has always had real problems showing love and affection.  My father was not in the picture for much of my youth.  I barely remember him living in our house (my youngest brother doesn't remember at all and only has pictures).  My mother raised my brother and I as a single parent and managed to do an amazing job with limited means. 

To put it plainly, my parents do not seem to give a hoot in heck about my daughter.  Their first and only biological grandchild.  Now, I should mention, they have both remarried and they both have step-children that have children (so they have several grandchildren already).  My dad is a write off.  He hasn't ever tried and I don't expect him to try now.  The other family has always been his closer family and every year I get an apology and an 'I wish things had been different' and then I don't hear from him until the next holiday season.  My mother, on the other hand, acts the same way and I never, ever thought that would happen.

My mother will not drive to see me or my family unless she has a reason to be here visiting.  When she remarried (she did so about the time my daughter was born) I bought her bed and bedframe, dresser and some other bedroom furniture from her so that she would have a comfortable place to visit when she comes up.  Now, this was in 2015.  Here's the kicker...

My mother will not come visit my family.  When she does come this way, she says for about an hour or two, then goes shopping for a few hours and then goes straight home.  She's not spent he night with us once in the two years my daughter was born.  I've mentioned it before, kindly, carefully, "Mom, next time you come up, do you think you could stay?  We can do whatever you want.  We can watch movies, go out to eat, play boardgames, do nothing and just sit around and talk and enjoy our time together?" and every time it's "Sure." and nothing changes.  Last time she came up, she didn't even wait for my daughter to get home from daycare.  She stopped by for a second, then went shopping and then went back to my home town two hours away.  This was about two months ago or so.  I didn't bring it up because I knew it would turn into a fight.  Every time it's brought up, it's a fight.  Then I feel bad for making her feel bad.  But shouldn't she?  Shouldn't she feel a little bad?  I see people on these forums BEGGING to see their grandkids.  Why not mine?  My parents would not see this grandbaby if I didn't force her on them once every other month.  They don't call, they don't write, they don't ask to Skype.  If they communicate with my daughter, it's because I've begged them to.  I'm tired of begging.

My wife's parents take my daughter every weekend they can.  They call all the time and want to talk to my daughter and they're always asking my wife when they can come in next and when my daughter can come spend the week with them.  And when they come over or when we go to their house, it's so cute to see how excited my father-in-law is with my DD.  He thinks everything she does is pure genius.  "She's sitting in the chair with her baby watching Peppa Pig!"  "She just said 'shoe'"  "She pointed at the grass and said, "GEEN!" (green).  My Mother-In-Law similarly dotes on her.  They love spending time with their grandbaby.  And every time I see it happen I am so happy for my daughter but inside I'm so depressed that she'll never have that kind of relationship with my parents (if nothing changes). 

A couple of weekends ago was the straw that broke the camel's back.  My wife had to work unexpectedly over the weekend when we were going to take my daughter to my home town.  I decided that, for my daughter, I'd take her anyway by myself and play it single-dad for the weekend.  My mom knew we were coming and knew we were staying for the weekend.  Would you believe that when I got home (3:00 PM) she wasn't there?  Sure, that can happen.  Life doesn't revolve around myself and my family, I get that.  4:00 PM rolled around, then 5, then  6, then 7.  Then my daughter's bedtime passed, so I kept her up just a little longer hoping they'd come home.  I thought they were in the town over from ours shopping (as they are want to do, it's their hobby).  At 8 I had had it.  I had sat in my mothers house, just my daughter and I, waiting and waiting and waiting for them to come home.  I suppose this would be a good time to mention that my mother's husband is over the moon about his grandkids.  They're his world.  All he does is dote on his grandkids.  Every time we come by, they're around (and that's great, I'm glad they have a good relationship)!  I just can't figure out why my mother won't act that way towards my daughter.  Well, that night snapped it for me.

I called my mom and told her just not to worry about dinner and that I was taking my daughter home.  She asked why and I told her, if I wanted to sit around by myself and play with my kid, I can do that at my house where she has her toys and bed and books, etc.  Then she laid it on me.  "We're at (stepfathers parent's eating dinner).  I'll be home soon."  I then went on to scream at my mother, "If (SF)'s grandkids were in town, you'd bet your *@#%@# @#%@^ that he'd be there and there would be no way in !#^% that he would let you take him away from them."  I then told her that from that point on there will be no more single dad visits with the daughter.  The next day I felt immensely guilty.  Terribly guilty.  I love my mom.  She's my whole life.  She was my mom, my dad, my best friend.  She had me when she was 17 and we basically grew up together.  We had a very close and solid bond.

The next day I called her to apologize and tell her that I loved her, and she hit me with this, "Well, you should be sorry.  I love (SF) very much and sometimes we make plans.  You need to be more flexible, etc. etc."  I'm numb over it.  I'm numb today over it.  I mean, I'm glad the cards are on the table, but who says that?  Who does this?  I come to this website and my heart is broken for all of the grandparents who want to see their grandbabies but can't.  I would gladly part with health, happiness, possessions, anything, just to have my parents play even a passive role in my daughter's life.  Instead, I think she'll only see them two or three times a year. 

It feels better just to have typed all of this out.  Maybe this catharsis will help.  I welcome any and all insights.  Thanks for taking your time to read this monolith of text.

Edited by EleanorsDaddy
fixed wording, very embarrasing...

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OK....I'm happy you were able to get your story out...It does help to see it in writing. Reread what you wrote and tell me what you see...

This isn't about your daughter, who will manage just fine without your mom in her life other than a few times a year. She has loving parents and another set of GP. Eleanor will be fine. It's you I'm concerned about. I know of which I speak.

A few years after my dad died my mom remarried to a man with no children. The guy seemed nice enough and she was happy...a year or two down the road thing began to change. Her new hubby began to resent both my sister and me, no clue why. We lived 3 hours away and didn't intrude into their lives at all. We invited them to things, called ahead before visits, etc; she never visited without him. He became rude and hateful toward us, she let him get away with it...the relationship deteriorated resulting in VLC (very low contact) for more than 2 decades. Her relationship with the GK deteriorated as well. When her health declined he gave us very little information and intruded on every area of the mother/daughter relationship until very little was left. When she died he buried her without telling us....I didn't know until 3 weeks later. I had no grief. 

This was not all his fault. My mother chose her husband over her children/gk every time. I stopped thinking it was my fault long long ago. It sounds like your mom has done something similar. You may or may not be able to come to a workable solution. What I did do was put her in the category of "courtesy". She was always invited to showers, weddings, graduations. Whether she came or not wasn't important. Her loss...the last big event she was able to attend was #1grandson's "red egg & ginger" party, a 3 month celebration (100 days) held for new babies in Chinese customs...he was 10 when she died, so really hasn't much memory of her at all. His other GGM, he sees a few times a year and absolutely adores her (she's long distance from all 11gk & 16ggk, but makes it work).

This becomes the issue of 'mismatched expectations'...you expected your mom to be a part of your DD's life. You are hurt she has a different expectation moving forward. Understandable. The hard part is coming to terms with being let down by someone you always thought would be there for you. Mourn your loss. You can't change someone else, you can only change yourself. 

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Thank you so, so much for responding.  So much valuable and hard-won insight in your response and I am very appreciative of you sharing with me.  While reading I thought about myself introspectively.  At worst, my daughter's relationship with my parents will be like my relationship with my father's parents and their family.  That side of the family always sort of kept me at arms length and by the time I was a teenager, the visits stopped.  I drop by and see my GP's on my father's side once or twice a year and that seems to be enough for everyone.  The epiphany came from the fact that I never really cared that they didn't want to see me.  My GM on my mother's side treated me like her own and still does to this day.  She's also head over heels for my daughter, her first great grandchild.  So yeah, really this is my hang-up.  I mean, I don't like that my daughter may (and may not, you never know...) have a similar relationship to her grandparents that I did with mine, but on the other hand, I didn't care when it happened to me.

Now for the sad part.  I can tell that what you described is slowly starting to happen in my family.  My SF plays my mother against me.  My mother is a very intelligent person, one of the smartest people I know.  She'd do excellent on Jeopardy, for example.  That was our pastime, playing Jeopardy every night it came on.  My SF is a high school drop out who would remind you of Larry the Cable Guy if you met him.  Trust me when I say, my REAL dad is the same way.  Never misses a NASCAR race.  And that's fine and dandy.  We're not all geniuses and we're not all morons.  But (catty time), at least my dad looked okay.  lol  Anyway, mom is way out of SF's league.  When they first got married things were great.  I mean, guy was a little hillbilly but we are from Kentucky and hillbilly I can deal with.  Then my mom deleted her Facebook without warning or reason.  I asked and she said that it was causing drama.  She came back but it happened again.  This time she told me that SF thinks that other guys are interested in her.  I said it right then and there, "Mom, it's not the other guys he doesn't trust, it's you." 

My childhood bedroom?  It holds two TVs with a bank of camera receivers.  He has cameras strung up all around the house.  He said they were installed so that he could "catch deer".  You know, those pesky deer that come up on your porch or to the back door or up the drive way.  Then he wanted to go everywhere with her.  Very cute!  That's just what mom needs, someone to go have fun with.  Now he can't be pried free from her.  He monopolizes her time, and when we come in he monopolizes the conversations.  Everything becomes about him.  My mom calls me and will say, "Would you remove what you posted from Facebook it really makes SF mad." "SF thinks you don't like him because you didn't watch the race last time you came in, you didn't ask him about his car, you didn't x, y or z."  I always crack and I always crawl and tell the guy I'm sorry for being a jerk (even if I've done nothing wrong) because I know it will make mom happy.  I know that in her heart she just wants to have a happy and 'normal' family.  Every time I do this, I end up regretting it because a month later I'm having to apologize for something silly yet again.  I finally got rid of all social media just so I didn't have to hear about my silly facebook habits bothering my stepfather.  The very next day, "Why did you delete your facebook?  Is it because of SF?  I want to see pictures of Ellie."  She's guilt tripping me to get back on facebook and now I wonder if it's because that's her only option to see my daughter or if she just wants me to hate my SF?  lol

I just don't know how to react anymore.  It's Christmas which is a HUGE tradition in my family, and this will be the first Christmas that we aren't spending the night with my mom.  We're visiting over the weekend and coming home for Christmas.  I am hoping and praying that things won't be a cluster, and even if they are, I'm going to keep quiet and get along.  Just not feeling as 'Chrismasy' as I would have hoped. 

Anyway, my pity party is someone complete.  Thanks so much for responding and just letting me vent, honestly.  It's certainly brought up my spirits.  :)

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Also, very sorry for making this all about me.  I'm a jerk.  Thank you for sharing your experience and your tragedy.  Broke my heart to read that.  :/ 

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WelcomeEleanorsDaddy.  I am sorry you have found us at such a trying time in your life.  I am also glad that you have been active enough to amass your 10 post so you could open your own thread.

I would like to say though, that responding to a thread that is older than about three months is discouraged here.  Here is a link to some other helpful information for new members.  Please take a bit of time to familiarize yourself with our posting guidelines.

 

 

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I know it hurts when a GP shows no interest in their own grandchildren.  My MIL had an older grandson than mine and therefore she didn't need another grandson.  She was a little better with my daughter, but she was the only GD.

She treat me and them so bad that my son actually cut her out of his life when he was 15 for the way she had treated us.

I'm also one that understands that you are hurt by her actions, but calling your father and your SF names won't make you feel any better.  Try to think of something nice about each one, it might make you feel better.

If 3 or 4 visits a year is sufficient four your mother, maybe you should be open to that for the time being.

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Sue is right...just be open to what is. Try not to give SF much headspace...if your mom goes along with him, her choice.  It doesn't have to be yours.

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Hi again, EleanorsDaddy! And no need to apologize for "making this all about (you)." This is the place where it's ok to do that, IMO.

It's clear that you're hurting and I'm sorry about that. But I'm glad you brought your concerns to us.

Mame & Sue have given you very good advice, IMO. But I have a few  things to add if you don't mind. For one thing, you tell us your mother became a mom at age 17 - and, apparently, did a very good job of it, too, singlehandedly. Unfortunately, this may mean she feels she had to start focusing on kids too early in life and now is "making up" for the "youth" she 'missed" as much as she can. I'm sure she cherishes every moment she had w/ you while you were growing up, etc. And I'm sure she loves Eleanor, too. But she may not be into kids, right now, whether Eleanor or anyone else. (The fact that SF is crazy about his GC doesn't mean she is, whether he realizes it or not.) This may hurt you on some level, and I'm sorry about that. But, if it's any comfort, please remember, she can't help it if that's how she feels.

ETA: Or she may simply feel "too young" to be a GM (I take it she's one of the younger ones, in her 40s or less though perhaps I'm wrong.)

Secondly, she and SF may sense your dislike of him and the fact that you seem to feel your mom is above him. The complaints, the brush-offs, etc. may be partly a result of that, I'm sorry to say. IDK what you can do about that, except, perhaps, as Mame suggests, go on VLC.

Thirdly, your mom seems to be letting SF control her, which no doubt is a concern. But I'm guessing this is b/c her need for a man who is there for her/whom she can rely on (and who's not her DS - dear son - but her DH - dear husband) - after all these years - is probably great enough that she's willing to put up w/ his jealousy, etc. Coupled w/ their sense of your dislike for SF (if they do sense it), this might be why she's willing to blow you and Eleanor off to go visits SF's family, etc. Again, I know this hurts and I'm sorry.

About apologizing for things you feel aren't "wrong" - As posters here often tell MILs, sometimes what one person sees as "minor" or "unimportant" another sees as "major." That could be the case w/ you and SF. So maybe it does make sense to apologize to him if he finds something hurtful. But all you need to do, IMO, is say, "I'm sorry" - you don't have to say you're "a jerk," etc. I'm sorry you went so far as to get rid of all your social media - IMO, you have a right to post what you want on your own page. It might have been wise, though, not to let SF see it or to be careful not to post anything about people of his ilk or in his line of work or anything like that (if that's what you were doing - not saying you were).

It's Christmas which is a HUGE tradition in my family, and this will be the first Christmas that we aren't spending the night with my mom.  We're visiting over the weekend and coming home for Christmas. 

Interestingly enough, this is often a complaint that parents/PILs make here - changes in the holidays after their DS or DD gets married, etc. And members often tell them that there are bound to be changes when a new person enters the picture and they need to adjust. Posters also often say that it's ok to see DS/DD and family on an "alternate date," rather than the actual holiday. It seems to me that's what's happening here. In fact, you're getting to be w/ your mom overnight - just not on Christmas.

Here's the good news - maybe now you and your family unit can start creating some Christmas traditions of your own. And it might be delightful to wake up w/ little DD in your own home, and, as she gets older, having her know that "Santa Claus comes down her chimney." I know this may all take some time getting used to. But, in the end, you may enjoy find yourself enjoying Christmas as much or more than before.

Edited by RoseRed135
to add a thought
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3 hours ago, EleanorsDaddy said:

Now for the sad part.  I can tell that what you described is slowly starting to happen in my family.  My SF plays my mother against me.  My mother is a very intelligent person, one of the smartest people I know.  She'd do excellent on Jeopardy, for example.  That was our pastime, playing Jeopardy every night it came on.  My SF is a high school drop out who would remind you of Larry the Cable Guy if you met him.  Trust me when I say, my REAL dad is the same way.  Never misses a NASCAR race.  And that's fine and dandy.  We're not all geniuses and we're not all morons.  But (catty time), at least my dad looked okay.  lol  Anyway, mom is way out of SF's league. 

Please realize that some of our members are blue collar people, perhaps even of the "Larry the Cable Guy" type. And trust me, often they're every bit as smart as some of our white collar members. Your mom and SF may be "out of" each other's "league." But I hope you see that this doesn't necessarily mean that either one is superior or inferior. It just means they're different.

Edited by RoseRed135
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5 hours ago, RoseRed135 said:

Please realize that some of our members are blue collar people, perhaps even of the "Larry the Cable Guy" type. And trust me, often they're every bit as smart as some of our white collar members. Your mom and SF may be "out of" each other's "league." But I hope you see that this doesn't necessarily mean that either one is superior or inferior. It just means they're different.

Most of my entire family would be labeled 'Larry the Cable Guy redneck-country' by many of our life choices - I don't think makes a lick of difference in IQ levels. Actually, given a choice I reckon I'd trade bank accounts with Larry.

Being needlessly judgmental of mom's husband may not be viewed positively.

ETA: Maybe take the view that 2-3 times a year visits with long distance GPs is an appropriate amount? The years our kids were long distance we typically saw them less than 2-3 times a year, more like part of a day/year or every other year.

Edited by JanelleK

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EleanorsDaddy please check your mail for a PM (private message).  To do so click on the envelope icon in the upper right hand corner of the page.

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Larry The Cable Guy Net Worth is $50 Million.

I'd be fine with that and I always say I live at the intersection of RedNeck Road and the Boondocks and am proud of it.

My son is a mechanical engineer with a major utility company across several states.  He has a minor is math with several years of calculus.  He specializes in pumps and pressures.  He figures compound interest in his head.  If you met him on the street, you would probably think to yourself, yep...he must be related to "Larry".  Don't judge a book by it's cover.

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Larry the Cable Guy is a comedic persona, same with Clem Kadiddlehopper, Kramer & Newman...but it gives a description. I'm a town girl with serious country roots, I get it. I used to describe my uncles' accents (after 50 years in California) as sounding like they just came in on a turnip truck this morning....just a description. I know physicians who haven't got a lick of sense yet are a whiz with a scalpel. 

EleanorsDaddy just shared in his innermost turmoil with us...Is he judge-y and negative? Perhaps, but he's also hurt & confused. Look at the big picture.

 

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6 hours ago, EleanorsDaddy said:

Also, very sorry for making this all about me.  I'm a jerk.  Thank you for sharing your experience and your tragedy.  Broke my heart to read that.  :/ 

You are NOT a jerk.

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My PIL's treat their only GD like crap. They have several GS's they treat completely different. It's their loss as we have several older folks who are more like grandparents to her than they are. Family is who you let be family, does not have to be blood. Your DD is not going to miss a relationship she never knew or had. I understand you want it and will miss it. You should not have to apologize for things you don't feel you did wrong. You should not have to walk on egg shells either. So sorry it's not what you want it to be like. Please start your own Christmas traditions. If your mom wants to take part, she can make the effort. Maybe it has to do with DD's age and she will make more of an effort when she is older, I don't know. I think you stuck around at her house waiting for her longer than you should have, that must have been very frustrating. Anyway, you can't force a relationship that only you want. Please enjoy the family you do have. I understand it's hard not to be jealous (and hurt) of your IL's and DD relationship how they dote on her, but try to enjoy it anyway. You and your family need people around you who support you and love you, not who nitpicks about every little thing, where you constantly have to apologize. They are both grown ups/adults, capable of adult decisions. They are doing what they want to be doing, what makes them happy. You should try to let go of the expectations and disappoints and do the same. Your mom will come around if/when she is ready.

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I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this shift in relationship with your Mom.  You posted that your Mom is your whole life.  You would probably like her to be a bigger part of your life, but please don't make anyone your "whole" anything.  You can only reach out so much and be willing to play second or third fiddle, but you cannot carry this relationship yourself.  Your mother has to do her part.  You might have to come to realize that you can't force what your mother does not want.  She may feel that she is making up for lost time and only wants to please herself.  Don't have any expectations of her and please don't compare what she does with SF family to what she does for you and yours.  Doing that will make you feel bad and sour whatever type of relationship you can have.  

Your DW's family and your own Grandmother seem to provide the love and support, for your daughter (and you) that you can't or won't get from your Mother.  Embrace that.  

In the future, maybe make more concrete plans - this time and this place - an hour with your mother and your daughter and that is that until the next time.  Sad to say that people prioritize and she will certainly miss out on your beautiful daughter.  Her loss, but I understand that it still hurts you.  

You are not a jerk.  If you are able and have the opportunity, maybe a couple of sessions with a counselor can help you navigate this relationship and to adjust our expectations and work on way to reduce your hurt and anger towards this situation.  Best Regards.

 

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5 hours ago, Mame925 said:

Larry the Cable Guy is a comedic persona, same with Clem Kadiddlehopper, Kramer & Newman...but it gives a description. I'm a town girl with serious country roots, I get it. I used to describe my uncles' accents (after 50 years in California) as sounding like they just came in on a turnip truck this morning....just a description. I know physicians who haven't got a lick of sense yet are a whiz with a scalpel. 

EleanorsDaddy just shared in his innermost turmoil with us...Is he judge-y and negative? Perhaps, but he's also hurt & confused. Look at the big picture.

 

I get that he's hurting, Mame. in fact, I think most of us have acknowledged that. And I understand that he was trying to give us an image of SF, which is hard to do in words. But my concern is that some of our members w/ "country roots" or from the Blue Collar walk of life might be more sensitive than you are. Especially if "out of... league" means that SF is "beneath" his mom (he didn't say that, exactly, I know). Maybe it doesn't - maybe it just means they're "very different." it's not clear.

@EleanorsDaddy - Come to think of it, perhaps your mom finds something in SF that's different from what you think she needs. Perhaps she even loves the fact that he can set up cameras the way he does. It wouldn't be the first time i've heard of an intellectual woman marrying a Blue Collar guy and loving the fact that he's "handy." Or perhaps the kind of men that you feel are more "in her league" as far as looks and brains are concerned are more formally educated and she feels uncomfortable or self-conscious around them, even though I know she shouldn't. IOWs, maybe she's more comfortable w/ SF than w/ the kind of guy you think she should be with. Or as I said earlier, perhaps she just enjoys the fact that he's so there for her, despite the fact that he seems a little controlling. IMO, you (general) can't always tell what's attracting one person to another or what makes a specific marriage work.

Anyhow, I realize that changes in a relationship can feel like a loss. In fact, IMO, it is in a way - not a loss of the relationship, but a loss of it the way it was. My heart so goes out to you!

You may even need to grieve a little for that "loss." And, once again, IMO, dong it here is probably the best place. You may get some negative reactions if you offend some members' sensibilities (please be careful about that), but, at least, it won't have consequences in your personal life.

I'm no psychologist, but I know that anger is part of grief, and that may be part of what you're feeling right now (not saying you don't have some things to actually be angry about b/c I think you do). You may never like SF or understand what your mom sees in him. I'm just hoping that, in time, the anger and sorrow subside, and you adjust (as mentioned earlier).

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I see.  Thanks for the helpful comments. 

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EleanorsDad, I'm sorry if I made you feel as your feelings don't count either...because they do matter especially to you, your wife and Eleanor.  I guarantee even at the age of two, she can sense tension in the air when you are upset.

My oldest niece is approx. the same age as your mother, has never had children and never planned to.  She and her husband both have very demanding jobs and travel extensively.  She is nudging being a gym rat and they ride bikes all over the states on their vacations.  She is an only child and her mother/my sister told me that they see them about four times a year and they live a couple of hours away.  It seems that they have plenty of time to visit more often if they choose.

My niece was born when my youngest sister was about ten...mother still had two kids at home.  She never had much interest in her first grandchild because she was still an active mother herself.  She'd been "mothering" for 23 years already and had about 10 more to go.  By the time her next grand was born she was at a different place in her life and was ready to be a grandmother.  My niece had daily contact with her other grandparents and thrived on their attention.

My own ILs lived within five miles of us and our kids saw them at least twice a day in the summer doing chores at the farm.  My parents lived more than 500 miles away and they only saw each other 4 or 5 times a year.  The kids were closer to the long distance grands.  Who would have guessed?

My DIL is within five years of your mothers age.  She has a toddler.  I can't imagine her having grandchildren in the next five years.

I'm sure you would like for your mother to treat you and Eleanor the way you want to be treated...please give the same to your mother.  If she would like to be less involved at this time, you really can't change that.

 

 

 

Edited by SueSTx

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To echo what RoseRed said, it sounds like maybe your mom is re-living her adulthood now that her kids are grown and she has time to herself.  I know how it hurts when you feel that GPs don't have the interest in your children's lives like you would prefer them to, but other than continuing to invite them, attempt to include them, and making visits to see them, there's not much else you can do.  It's truly up to your DM how involved she will be.  Maybe also she will be involved at a later stage in your DD life, when she can communicate directly with her, or they can have a shared interest.  Just thinking, I know some GP prefer interacting more at older ages, while others really prefer the baby stage.  But regardless, I'm sorry you're hurting and happy to know your DD does have a set of GP who take an active role in her life.  I'm sure she will cherish that relationship as she grows!

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My heart breaks for Eleanor's Daddy. While he "knows" he can't force anything, his heart hates giving up. But people have given good advice - to try not to let the situation eat away at you.  I know it's damaging the relationship you and your mom share.  For your daughter's sake, I'm glad she does have supportive grandparents in her life.  I'd back away from your mom in person - mostly to avoid your own heartache and to help soothe whatever it is that is really going on.  I suspect she is backing off because of her husband.  The fact that she wants you to keep facebook "so she can see pictures," suggests to me that her lack of attention isn't her own doing, but the new husband's.  In the meantime, post some pictures and seek acceptance that there isn't a two-way street right now.

(As for the Larry the Cable guy reference, I don't think it was offensive, just describes the type of person the guy is, and that he isn't that type. It doesn't mean one is better than the other.  To complain about that reference which was a tiny part of his soul sharing seemed unfair.)

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Welcome, New Poster! Glad you decided to come in and share your thoughts w/ us!

Meanwhile, iff that's your actual email addy in your username, you might want to change it for greater privacy. To see how to do so, click on the following MIL Anonymous thread:

 

Hope we see you more often! :)

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My oldest DD and her SO,  MY GDD  Step-Dad threw her out, my DD has nothing to do w/her. He punched my GS and she reported him to the authorities. She was not the bad one he was.  

My youngest DD was killed my GS has no Mother and a dirtball Dad.  

Life just plain sucks, but somehow my 2 GCH have learned to cope and survive. My GDD is a EKG Tech for Cardiac Patients in a Hosp. my GS so far is a straight  A student.

They have done better than I have done, esp health wise. 

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