• Announcements

    • LaToyaADMIN

      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LaToyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.
INCOGNITO

A small recap and question

131 posts in this topic

45 minutes ago, INCOGNITO said:

I get what you are saying, and I agree...proof of something being delivered but not what was delivered. What would you suggest then?

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

Nothing- I can think of nothing that would not involve having to communicate with your father in-law -- the issue with the check that wasnt cashed, setting up a bank transfer or direct deposit, requesting a written receipt for proof of future payment/s- All avenues to resolve the matter involve him-

What you and/or your spouse have going for you is the new year- In other words, an opportunity to say you're closing last years ledgers / going over paperwork / through bank statements and noticed that the rent check dated x/x/x wasn't cashed- You could also kill two birds with one stone and request a receipt for all rent payments going forward -- or request setting up a bank transfer / direct deposit-

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Replace the current check (strictly business as it shows you have an outstanding rent pay now past due) and set up online transfers. Have DH make all the contact (Hi dad, our records show check abc was never cashed. Since it's more than 6 months old, here is check xyz to replace it. Also, we'd like to set up direct transfer for future payments. We'll need your checking acct number & routing number to set it up online. Let me know., Son)

Keep it simple! Keep it business like...You & DH will have done the right thing with no strings. Isn't that what you've been after? Simple, no strings?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't want to give my account numbers to a renter or a landlord.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

FIL has missed depositing TWO rent payments in all the years OP you have lived there.  You seem to be making a mountain out of a mole hill.  Even you have used the word "only" when you describe the missed rent.  It doesn't sound like it happens all that often.

If you really don't ever want to communicate with FIL about anything, ever, then you have to cut ALL ties with him, including the house.  You have to move.  

All of the solutions presented here have negatives. Every single solution to the "missing" rent involves contacting your FIL.  All of them require varying amounts of time and varying amounts of money as well.

If you want to live in this house, you really can't whine about having to contact your FIL about things that have to do with this house.   It's the "cost" of living there (in addition to the rent).

Edited by skipped

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, SueSTx said:

I wouldn't want to give my account numbers to a renter or a landlord.

 

DH & FIL can meet at the bank and do it discreetly. Or FIL can set up a PayPal account where Incog can deposit the rent. If they still have any of FIL "gift" checks, the numbers are printed right on it. Your banking info is out there for all the world to see...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/31/2017 at 8:25 PM, jenenon said:

Sorry, that was If you are willing to contact ......

Welcome, jenenon! And glad to see you becoming such an active poster!

Please be aware that you (general) can edit a post if you see you've made an error. Just click on the Edit button on the post, bottom-left. Granted, as a newcomer (less than 10 posts), you only have a 30-minute window in which to do so. But once you attain those 10 posts/become a full-fledged member, then you'll have a 24-hour edit window. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mame, that is exactly why I no longer "gift" with a check.  

My monthly payments are all set up through the bank.  I did have to send a void deposit slip to do a direct deposit for my retirement check, but they are not a disgruntled family member I have a beef with.  I do paypal for most of everything I order online if not using an insured credit card.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any body you've ever written a check to has your account number and any body you've ever been given a check from, you have theirs if you kept track of that.

@skipped Not sure why you think FIL has missed TWO deposits. Not true. We have not missed any payments at all. FIL has only not cashed ONE payment. The ONE time he lost the rent check he contacted us immediately, which I stated in an early post, and we immediately replaced it. He then did his normal deposit. So again, not sure why you think he missed TWO deposits.

We did set up monthly payments, bank checks, through the bank at one time but they took to long so had to stop paying that way. Also, not FIL's, but a couple had gotten lost or never went through so unless the name on "pay to the order of" on the check, so to speak, has an agreement with the bank (or however it works), unless it's an overnight transfer=meaning from one account to the other, no bank check mailed needed, we no longer pay bills by bank check.

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎12‎/‎26‎/‎2017 at 6:22 PM, INCOGNITO said:

The one time he lost a check he contacted us right away, so no idea.

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

 

On ‎12‎/‎26‎/‎2017 at 9:11 AM, INCOGNITO said:

A quick recap: We told MIL years ago she needed to apologize for hurtful behavior, she refused and CO'd our enitre family. The CO has lasted years! Earlier this year, DH almost died. For his bday (which was not long after he almost died), MIL FINALLY broke her CO and messaged him a happy birthday. Nothing more, just "Happy birthday". That was the first positive communication we'd had in YEARS from MIL and the first communication we'd had at all for quite a few years. Later in the year, DH took it upon himself to wish MIL and FIL a Happy Thanksgiving each by way of text to each of their phones. They both responded positively at different times on Thanksgiving day. Then earlier in December, DH sent MIL a happy birthday text, which was acknowledged with a positive reply back and rather quickly even. DH and I talked about sending them a Merry Christmas text to each of their phones. We opted not to as the last few communications have been initiated by DH and we've told them we won't maintain a one sided relationship, like we had been doing for years prior to MIL CO'ing our family and that they would need to take an active role in the relationship, should they wish to have one. FIL was starting to. IF DH initiated one holiday acknowledgement, FIL would do the next...sometimes, not always.

FIL went out of his way to wish ODD a Merry Christmas last year, ignored her for her bday this year. (Usually would get her a card and mail it to her acknowledging her bdays over the past several years.) Nothing this year. DH only got a text happy birthday from FIL and a separate one from MIL.this year. Again, both replied positively to the Happy Thanksgiving (sometimes FIL would reply with a nasty message in reply) so we weren't sure how or if they'd respond.

So Christmas came and we

Now, I don't know if this is related or not... earlier this year, always cashedone of our rent checks to FIL was not cashed. He has them within 2-3in t days he past so this was strange. If he lost it, he'd let us know immediately, which only happened once. Now, I am probably reading too much into this but if I think about all the checks we have not cashed from FIL over the years, since MIL's CO of our family, for birthdays and Christmases it would be more than one rent check. I do not wish to ask FIL why he didn't cash the check; but if he didn't cash it because we never cashed any of the checks he's given us and he is forcing his gifts on us, shouldn't he tell us that is what he is doing? So it's been about 6 months now and the money is just being carried over month to month in case he does one day decide to cash it. I am thinking about calling the bank and putting a stop payment on the check and removing that money from our account, tucking it away somewhere so it doesn't get spent, as I hate having non cashed checks in my account for any length of time.We will not be contacting FIL about his not cashing that one particular check. He has cashed all others prior to this one and even since then.We do not know if he is sitting on it or if he threw it away.

If you are still reading, thanks for sticking with me and my wall of text. The whole thing is so confusing...they keep saying, we want a relationship but then ignore when it counts the most. Any thoughts, ideas, I have not considered or even if I have considered, would be appreciated.

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

One check lost and found and cashed.  One check ? still outstanding equals two checks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One outstanding check - I guess I'm thinking that it's one mistake by your FIL, he fixed it last time, so I am wondering why you need to change anything at all considering it's a one off thing.  I understand you have other issues with your FIL but I think you're lumping all the problems into one barrel.  It's an easy fix but you won't do it, instead you are considering canceling checks and re-issuing them to your FIL all without talking to him.

So what happens when he receives an extra check or payment completely out of the blue - he will not understand, so then what, you expect him to call you or he may even not cash it again or send it back to you.  Doesn't that make you guys the difficult ones, to not call over one check, when you have called for repairs in the past.

Or you simply won't pay him and it's his loss.  Either way the thought that goes with this, the wondering, the what ifs, this is all on you, it's not on your FIL. 

I'm wondering if your FIL messing up this once has given you both something to complain about, something extra to find fault with, when in reality it's nothing.  When a person is difficult, it's easy to become difficult in return, I would look at the bigger picture, just because your FIL is a PA PITA doesn't mean you can live in his house and never talk to him - when there are things like rent and repairs that need to be discussed from time to time.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have NEVER said we NEVER contact him or that we NEVER communicate with him. We do. Also, we are not "finding fault" or even thinking "FIL messed up", nor are we complaining about it! I agree with you in that "it is nothing." Again, this whole post was just a "what do you all think the possibility was of FIL not cashing the check on purpose". NOTHING MORE. Obviously, most posters, or all, think it's not a remote possibility, I get the message. We also know him better, obviously, than any one here. I guess nothing like this has ever happened to anyone here, even though lots of posters complain about PIL's "forcing" gifts on them, even when asked not to.

10 minutes ago, Layla said:

I'm wondering if your FIL messing up this once has given you both something to complain about, something extra to find fault with, when in reality it's nothing.  When a person is difficult, it's easy to become difficult in return, I would look at the bigger picture, just because your FIL is a PA PITA doesn't mean you can live in his house and never talk to him - when there are things like rent and repairs that need to be discussed from time to time.

 

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, skipped said:

 

One check lost and found and cashed.  One check ? still outstanding equals two checks.

One check lost and was asked to be replaced, which we did. One check-? It sounded to me like you were saying we had TWO checks we need to deal with, which is not true.

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, skipped said:

FIL has missed depositing TWO rent payments in all the years OP you have lived there.

This is why I asked as, again, it sounded like you thought we missed TWO payments, which is NOT true. We did NOT miss any. And the first one he did not find, we wrote a different check and he deposited it.

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh and we also realized FIL does not ever contact us or wish us a Merry Christmas when he has other family over for the holiday. He only contacts us to wish us a Merry Christmas if none of the other IL's are going to be there. So that is why he didn't contact us this year, in true fashion, MBIL was over. I am ONLY saying this because in my OP I had mentioned that all comms seemed to be going well prior to Christmas. 

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Yes you do know him better and the stuff he would do.  

Dealing with PA people is difficult.

 

Edited by Layla

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, INCOGNITO said:

I have NEVER said we NEVER contact him or that we NEVER communicate with him. We do. Also, we are not "finding fault" or even thinking "FIL messed up", nor are we complaining about it! I agree with you in that "it is nothing." Again, this whole post was just a "what do you all think the possibility was of FIL not cashing the check on purpose". NOTHING MORE. Obviously, most posters, or all, think it's not a remote possibility, I get the message. We also know him better, obviously, than any one here. I guess nothing like this has ever happened to anyone here, even though lots of posters complain about PIL's "forcing" gifts on them, even when asked not to.

 

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

I disagree-  you are finding fault. Or at least trying to.  You are speculating passive aggressive behavior- forcing you to accept a gift when he knows you don't want gifts. And you want the DILs on this board to back you up.  You also don't want to give him a chance to explain what's going on, so you aren't asking.   So while you (actually your husband- you don't have anything to do with it) might communicate with him at times (sounds reluctantly), you refuse to just ask him about this. A unpaid rent check is not something people would not communicate to their landlord about. I don't think this makes sense to most people on these boards.  Your refusal to just ask him just doesn't make sense.

Can you articulate exactly why you don't want to just ask. I don't understand.   I know you've said you aren't responsible for asking.  This doesn't make sense to me at least.  Any other reasons?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, INCOGNITO said:

I have NEVER said we NEVER contact him or that we NEVER communicate with him. We do. Also, we are not "finding fault" or even thinking "FIL messed up", nor are we complaining about it! I agree with you in that "it is nothing." Again, this whole post was just a "what do you all think the possibility was of FIL not cashing the check on purpose". NOTHING MORE. Obviously, most posters, or all, think it's not a remote possibility, I get the message. We also know him better, obviously, than any one here. I guess nothing like this has ever happened to anyone here, even though lots of posters complain about PIL's "forcing" gifts on them, even when asked not to.

 

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

No, incog, that is not what the original post conveyed- Clearly the question of the money being a forced gift or oversight could have been answered long ago- 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A - Forced Gift

B - Oversight

C - Don't Know

I pick C / Don't Know - ;)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

A lot of landlords do not like online monthly rent payments, because it is hard to accept or reject rent payments when they are made online, and a landlord should have some control over acceptance of rent.  For example, it is within a landlord's right to only accept full payment of rent instead of partial payment.  It is also with a landlord's right to assess a late fee when rent is late and only accept rent plus the late fee.   A monthly check or money order is much easier to accept or reject from a tenant vs an online payment that shows up in the landlord's account.  What if the tenant did an online payment for only partial rent or was late but didn't include the late fee?  You can see the problems that can happen with electronic rent payments. 

Also, when monthly rent is not paid by a tenant - assuming this happened here, i.e.. FIL never received the rent check and forgot to follow up on it - FIL can't just proceed with eviction next.  Rather, FIL would need to serve his DS/DIL with what is commonly referred to in many jurisdictions as a 3 Day Notice to pay rent, and DS/DIL would have 3 days to pay the rent to remain in good standing.  If they chose not to, commonly after 30 or 60 days, FIL could begin eviction proceedings. 

In this case, since the unpaid rent continues to linger in DS/DIL's brainspace, DS should just cut FIL another check for the missing rent and give it to him since it sounds like DS sees his FIL when he comes around to check on the property.  If FIL doesn't cash the check then so be it.  That is on him.  Legally, a tenant is required to pay rent which means delivering or depositing a check or money order for the rent amount in the mail to the address of the landlord and then the rest is on the landlord to handle.    Legally, this DS/DIL did what was required of them when they paid the rent for the month that the rent check went missing.  Ethically, well, that is a whole other discussion... 

 

Edited by BSW
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

I agree bsw but in most cases a  landlord would go through an agent who would deal with the tenants and the payment of rent. This isn't your normal landlord this is a family member so I get the feeling the terms are flexible. 

If it was all completely professional there would be a rental lease in place, the rent paid would be market value etc. I wonder in this case if it's discounted rent to help his son. Who knows. 

As its only one check that has been a problem I would think the current payment plan works fine.

I'm thinking even if they sent another check they will still need to ring and explain otherwise the fil won't understand why he's getting this check out of the blue, it would seem bizarre to him. Unless they think it will then be on the fil to call them about it all which again I think would make them look weird for setting up a situation where the fil has to call them to clear it all up. 

Although they could put a handwritten note with the check to explain. 

If this whole situation is suppose to be a professional rental lease then the op isn't treating it as such. 

It seems they are fine ringing for repairs but when the call is for something in their fil's favour they don't want to do it. Although they didn't take the cash he sent to them previously, so it doesn't seem to be about money. It seems to be about who initiates contact. I know the op has said it's the fil responsibility but it's also their responsibility to pay the rent. I don't think the op see's it that way. 

Edited by Layla

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Layla said:

Although they could put a handwritten note with the check to explain. 

That's what I said 4 pages ago....Incog clearly wants to make some sort of "issue" out of this. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Layla said:

As its only one check that has been a problem I would think the current payment plan works fine.

Also, people, I doubt they would be evicted over one "missing" check.

I'm thinking even if they sent another check they will still need to ring and explain otherwise the fil won't understand why he's getting this check out of the blue, it would seem bizarre to him. Agreed. And that gets back to "having to deal with" FIL. Unless they think it will then be on the fil to call them about it all which again I think would make them look weird for setting up a situation where the fil has to call them to clear it all up. 

Although they could put a handwritten note with the check to explain. 

True. But BSW didn't suggest sending a check. She said:

DS should just cut FIL another check for the missing rent and give it to him since it sounds like DS sees his FIL when he comes around to check on the property. 

If DS/DH did that, he could explain in the moment. I realize he might be trying to avoid that. But he would know for sure that FIL got the check this time. And he would be treated to his immediate reaction ("What! That check didn't go through?!" or "Oh, no, tear it up. I decided to give you guys a freebie" or whatever). However, if DH can't bring himself to talk to FIL about this in person, then, perhaps, sending a new check w/ a note is best.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Mame925 said:

That's what I said 4 pages ago....Incog clearly wants to make some sort of "issue" out of this. 

:)  Yes, I just don't understand, even after 4 pages. 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Layla said:

As its only one check that has been a problem I would think the current payment plan works fine.

Also, people, I doubt they would be evicted over one "missing" check.

I'm thinking even if they sent another check they will still need to ring and explain otherwise the fil won't understand why he's getting this check out of the blue, it would seem bizarre to him. Agreed. And that gets back to "having to deal with" FIL. Unless they think it will then be on the fil to call them about it all which again I think would make them look weird for setting up a situation where the fil has to call them to clear it all up. 

Although they could put a handwritten note with the check to explain. 

True. But BSW didn't suggest sending a check. She said:

DS should just cut FIL another check for the missing rent and give it to him since it sounds like DS sees his FIL when he comes around to check on the property. 

If DS/DH did that, he could explain in the moment. I realize he might be trying to avoid that. But he would know for sure that FIL got the check this time. And he would be treated to his immediate reaction ("What! That check didn't go through?!" or "Oh, no, tear it up. I decided to give you guys a freebie" or whatever). Also, if FIL took the new check from DH/DS, then you two could feel free to cancel the old one. However, if DH can't bring himself to talk to FIL about this in person, then, perhaps, sending a new check w/ a note is best.

If this whole situation is suppose to be a professional rental lease then the op isn't treating it as such. 

It seems they are fine ringing for repairs but when the call is for something in their fil's favour they don't want to do it. Although they didn't take the cash he sent to them previously, so it doesn't seem to be about money. It seems to be about who initiates contact. I know the op has said it's the fil responsibility but it's also their responsibility to pay the rent. I don't think the op see's it that way. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK, everyone. We sent FIL a text about the check. He replied quite a bit later in typical PA fashion, just as we suspected he would and the reason we did NOT want to contact him. He acknowledged there was no deposit and that is all.

 

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now