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RoseRed135

Are you too young/old to be a grandparent?

22 posts in this topic

Do you think you're "too young" to be a GP? Do you feel you 'missed out" on that space between parenthood and GPhood where you (general) cam do whatever you want w/o the sense that you might be called on to babysit the grands, etc?

Or do you believe you became a GP at "too old" an age? That it's "late in the day" for you to enjoy your GP experience though you do your best?

Or??

Edited by RoseRed135

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I turned 52 shortly after #1GB's birth in 2004....I think it was the perfect age...We became empty nesters in 2000 when DS joined the Navy. That's when the honeymoon started (we're a blended family, took 17 years to get them all out of the house)...DD & Sil were married about 8 months before becoming pregnant (she 26, he 34), established as independent young professionals. So I got to have all the fun without any responsibility. I participated in the delivery at DD's insistence; I'm the first face he ever saw...GB & I have a wonderful bond....I see him more than the other 8 (he lives closest) and I've babysat him most. The others I also adore, of course....and came in relatively quick succession...two in 2007 (they are 30 days apart!), two in 2010 (6 months apart), two "step" when DS remarried in 2015 and #1GB's first cousin on his dad's side who is the same age and also an only child...you can choose family.

Great question Rose!

 

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I was 54 when first GD was born.  

I wouldn't change a thing.

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I think age plays a factor and I also think 'mind-age' plays a factor lol. I'll explain. My mom was 51 when ODD was born, and my MIL was 65. (in contrast, MY grandmother was 73, so MIL was closer in age to my grandmother than my mother) My dad was 53, FIL was 65, and my grandfather was 74. 

My mom was a very active, literally and figuratively, grandmother. She and dad took the girls camping, swimming, to the zoo, kept them for overnights, the amusement parks, mini-golf, shopping, etc. They made cookies and drew chalk art on the driveway, and went to the park, and played in the floor together. They made homemade playdough and watched silly movies together. Mom wasn't yet retired when they started doing all of this. Dad was kind of along for the ride, mom drove it all. But dad was involved. 

My grandparents were also very active. They would go camping with my parents and the girls, go swimming, take them for walks, had overnights. Cookie parties and silly movies. My grandparents were retired already when the girls came along. They had a blast. 

My ILs on the other hand, honestly...it was the mind-age for them. According to DH, FIL was already 'old' at 35 when DH was born. DH's one request of me was that he wanted to have our first by the time he was 30 because he grew up with a dad that was too 'old' to play with him. Of course, I knew that was not really true, that it wasn't his dad's chronological age that prevented him from playing with DH. It was the fact that he was 'old' in his mind. MIL was the same way. She was still working when we had the girls, retired not long after. FIL was retired. And he was one of those retirees that just stopped when he stopped working, everything stopped. In contrast to  my parents and my grandparents, my ILs NEVER did anything with the girls on their own, and never came to anything with us. I can remember a handful of Preschool Christmas programs that they attended. They loved to give gifts, but I cannot once remember MIL or FIL playing with our girls, ever. 

I realize some grandparents just aren't interested in being actively involved, but in their case, I just think they were always 'older' than they really were, if that makes sense. 

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On 1/10/2018 at 9:33 PM, RoseRed135 said:

Do you think you're "too young" to be a GP? Do you feel you 'missed out" on that space between parenthood and GPhood where you (general) cam do whatever you want w/o the sense that you might be called on to babysit the grands, etc?

We were mid 50s when the first 2 were born, nearly at the same time. It was a fine age for being GPs, young enough to ski, run, bike, swim, cook with them as they became old enough to participate. Being GPs has been great.

MDS was away in med school, no need to babysit his first child. ODD was teaching at ABCatholic and didn't need help.

I had started working at 52 when YDD started school. I was advancing quickly, overseas travel was frequent for me. We were attempting to earn to pay for med school/grad school, were lucky no AC needed us but for random fun stuff.

My parents and pils were failing. To be honest, as the only 2AC who really helped the 4 of them with elder-care, my husband and I were busy with aging more than births. ETA: My sisters were busy, my brother was 2000 miles away.

ETA: Another wonderful thing - our parents were alive to enjoy watching/hearing about us being GPs.

Edited by JanelleK
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5 minutes ago, JanelleK said:

To be honest, as the only AC who really helped the 4 of them with elder-care, my husband and I were busy with aging more than births. 

This is a classic example of the "sandwich generation"!

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37 minutes ago, Mame925 said:

This is a classic example of the "sandwich generation"!

I agree with this. We are moving towards that now. I'm a handful of years younger now than my mom was when she became a grandmother (O.M.G.I can't believe I just said that) Though my girls are still a bit young to be dreaming about grands (17 and almost 20...OMG I can't believe I just said that either) I can see it in that handful of years, at least with oldest. We still have my grandmother, my mom and FIL (MIL passed away several years ago and my dad passed away a few months ago). My mom still cares for my grandmother (in as much as she will let her...in her 90s she's far more healthy than FIL) so that helps take some of the pressure off for us to help care for FIL. 

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Mid 40's- Didnt think anything of it other than joy- I became a grandmother at approximately the same age my mother gave birth to me- At the moment, we're 4 generations, ages 5 - 98-

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I was in my early 50's when GD was born. DH was a a few years older and was lucky enough to retire early. Perfect for him, became the daytime babysitter for GD when DD returned to work. To us age is just a number it's how active and engaged you are.

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I was 39 when my first grandbaby was born. I turned 40 two months later. I can remember thinking how young I thought that was. But then I was young when I had my son.

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1 hour ago, homeygfunk said:

I was 39 when my first grandbaby was born. I turned 40 two months later. I can remember thinking how young I thought that was. But then I was young when I had my son.

Me too-

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I've got you beat...well not ME per se...but my cousin and her daughter. My cousin was 30 when she became a grandmother for the first time. Anyway you do the math, that's young. *maybe* too young by today's standards. I'll be frank, in her case (this is not a judgment on anyone else in the world that this may have happened too) it was WAY too young. Cousin's mom was 46 when she became a great grandmother. I think my heart just literally stopped when I read what I just wrote. That is the age that I am right now. I guess you could say in their particular case, it is a cycle they can't seem to break, or honestly, even seem inclined to break. Not that it's any of my business whatsoever. Information submitted in regards specifically to the show the numbers if you will. 

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14 hours ago, Komorebi said:

Mid 40's- Didnt think anything of it other than joy- I became a grandmother at approximately the same age my mother gave birth to me- At the moment, we're 4 generations, ages 5 - 98-

We're 4 generations right now as well. Ages 16-93. We were nearly 5 generations when oldest DD was born. My great grandmother passed away a few months before she was born. I'm not in a hurry to be 5 generations at the moment though!

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59 minutes ago, BlueEyedGirl said:

I've got you beat...well not ME per se...but my cousin and her daughter. My cousin was 30 when she became a grandmother for the first time. Anyway you do the math, that's young. *maybe* too young by today's standards. I'll be frank, in her case (this is not a judgment on anyone else in the world that this may have happened too) it was WAY too young. Cousin's mom was 46 when she became a great grandmother. I think my heart just literally stopped when I read what I just wrote. That is the age that I am right now. I guess you could say in their particular case, it is a cycle they can't seem to break, or honestly, even seem inclined to break. Not that it's any of my business whatsoever. Information submitted in regards specifically to the show the numbers if you will. 

Yes, you do -- or your cousin- Either way it's amazing- My husband's brother married a 13 year old girl after he returned home from the war in the 70's- The girl was in my husbands class at school- He said it was a little weird but said it without judgement -- just smiled and said, "It was what it was-" 

Edited by Komorebi

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I will never forget this cousin coming to the family reunion that year. I was newly married, in my 20s and I remember thinking "Nope, not ready for that!" I think she was 14. I was a reasonably decent babysitter at 14 but 24/7, I don't think I could have done it. Regardless of the problems they have had over the years, I have to totally give her credit, she stuck it out.

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I was 39 and a grandmother. Now at 57, i have a granddaughter who is a sophomore in college,  a grandson who is a junior in high school  and the "baby" is in 4th grade.  I had kids at home when I became a Nonna. My 54 year old sister just became a grandmother.  I wouldn't change it at all.

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I had one at home also-

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I made my mom a grandmother at 38. We became four generations when my mom was just 59. If DGS1 has a child in the next few years, we could be five generations again. We were five until my Mamaw passed in 2001.

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I knew a lady who had her first son and her five generation photo ranged from birth to 65.  They were all lovely ladies.

Edited by SueSTx
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3 hours ago, BlueEyedGirl said:

I will never forget this cousin coming to the family reunion that year. I was newly married, in my 20s and I remember thinking "Nope, not ready for that!" I think she was 14. I was a reasonably decent babysitter at 14 but 24/7, I don't think I could have done it. Regardless of the problems they have had over the years, I have to totally give her credit, she stuck it out.

Apparently enough that one of their kids decided to go the same route... :)

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LOL Very try Rose!

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I'm another one who first became a GM in her 50s and thought it was just fine! In fact, looking back, since DD  turned to me for childcare, after a while, so she could work, etc., it's a good thing I wasn't in my 60s the way DM was when she became a GM and my MGM before her. If it were now, I wouldn't have quite the energy I had back then (over 10 years ago). At that point, I could still chase toddlers around if I had to - now? IDK.. ;)

Can't help but add, some days, even now, after spending a few hours w/ my beloved grands, as happy as I may be, I feel every minute of my current age - but, overall, it seems they have kept me "young!" :)

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