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AndreaMSW

If you could go back in time....

53 posts in this topic

I should have never tried to get to know XDIL. I should have treated her as a stranger.   This would have saved me years of heartache.   I have been a MIL for years and had no idea DIL like her existed.   

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I think MILs and DILs are the same in that you don't know what your AC/DH is going to bring into your life. Most of what I've posted about over the years has been due to DIL1, but DIL2 came along and while she is surface friendly, she makes it very clear that is all she is willing to give. OK, her choice, though it makes it harder for us to see our DS2.. DIL1 was very challenging from the start, I wasn't sure if she and DS would make it, much less become friendly with us. Now she is warm and even very thoughtful at times with us.

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28 minutes ago, missmm said:

I think MILs and DILs are the same in that you don't know what your AC/DH is going to bring into your life. Most of what I've posted about over the years has been due to DIL1, but DIL2 came along and while she is surface friendly, she makes it very clear that is all she is willing to give. OK, her choice, though it makes it harder for us to see our DS2.. DIL1 was very challenging from the start, I wasn't sure if she and DS would make it, much less become friendly with us. Now she is warm and even very thoughtful at times with us.

Interestingly, I've had the same experience as you.  DIL #1 is drama, her family is always fueding then making up, she does the same with me, but they are very inclusive and loving and she does make time for us.  I've gone shopping with her just the two of us.  It's just a- which DIL am I going to get this visit type of thing,

Son and FDIL #2, live 6 hours away, are introverts, she is very busy.  They moved last summer, she backed out at the last minute on my help moving from point A because at the last minute my son had to go out of town for work (guess she isn't interested in a relationship separate from him- guess I'll have to accept it)..He calls once every 3 weeks, but I finally got a smart phone and text him more often- he seems to like that.  I know I shouldn't "count"  But her family helped them move in at point B (I was working) and has spent 2 additional weekends there- they stop there as a half way point on their snowbird commute.  They also have another son in the area.  They spent 6 hours with us at Christmas.  They spent the other 4 days in town with her parents.  I haven't seen their new  place and I have not been invited.   I am not going to invite myself, my son is very passive, my DIL doesn't seem interested or is to busy, so I flat out said over Christmas I'd like to come see your place.  OK son says come.  I said that doesn't work you have to tell me when.  DIL says we are going to see them in Feb.so don't come yet. (in town for wedding details that month).  OK makes sense- I really am not interested in driving in the snow anyway.  So I said maybe spring.  They said yes.  I said my piece and if spring comes along and I don't get an invite, I am giving up. 

So I don't know what is worse.  A DIL who you at least have a relationship with even if it is rocky once in a while.  Or one who is either too busy, too shy, or just plain not interested.

Edited by skipped
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