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EmptynestGma

Learned last night kids moving far away

131 posts in this topic

Hi again sillygram! I've spoken to you elsewhere but I'm glad you found this group, as well. Seems like you have some great ideas to share and I know that you will get some excellent support and suggestions, if need be, here, also!

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I'm a grandfather and I love my granddaughter beyond comparison. Her picture is my screen saver on my computer and my wall paper on my cell phone. We have more pictures of her than of our own daughters. I understand how you feel. We live in Maryland and our 5 year granddaughter is in Washington State. They use to live nearby when she was younger. When my daughters were young, all I ever wanted was their happiness. Every time I talk to my daughter on the phone, she says she is happy which means my granddaughter is happy which makes me happy. When my daughter moved to Washington state, it was their decision to move, not mines to make. It didn't matter whether I thought it was a mistake or not, It was right for them . Is it the fact they are moving closer to his family that is bothering you? My SIL family lives in Wisconsin and when my granddaughter visits them. She has so much fun with her other grandparents, which makes me happy. I just want Aria to be happy where ever she is. Her happiness is tied to my happiness. I'm convinced of one thing, my granddaughter lives 3000 miles away but we will always be close because I will make sure of it. We talk on the computer via SKYPE weekly. We laugh and joke and do flash cards for about 45 minutes on the computer. We talk to my daughter everyday on the phone which means we talk to our granddaughter every day. We try to see them every six months. Taking them to the airport is never fun but that is the price I'll willing to pay to see her in person. Aria means the world to me and I can't imagine not being in her life. We already have discussed her coming to spend the summer with us when she gets older which I'm excited about it. it's just my opinion.

You sound like a wonderful Grandpa.Your granddaughter is very lucky.Reading this makes me miss my Grandpa very much.

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I know this is an old post but I am just reading and hoping some of you all have gotten some peace in your situations in the time since you posted. I'm new here and as bad as my long distance situation has me feeling these posts have me in tears. I AM NOT ALONE in my feelings and all the people telling me to get over it that I shouldn't feel this way are wrong. It is a natural way for a Mom/Grandma to feel when her family is ripped away from her. My own DS had to move his family 2 two years ago because of his job. My husband and I are still devastated even after two years. The round trip commute is 16 hours so can't happen as often as we would like, we are not wealthy nor retired so time and money factor into everything naturally. Plus all the travel really takes a toll when you aren't 30 anymore. This site is being helpful if only for the fact I don't feel so alone and isolated with my thoughts. We pretty much are the only folks we know whose child/grandchildren do not live very close to their parents so we see all the family outings on weekends and GP's at stores and festivals with their grandkids in tow and it just hurts so much.

I also have felt that my heart just could not take another thing but it has kept going. It hurts to look at the babies pictures, it hurts to see the drawings my DGS makes for me, but we have to chug along as though nothing is wrong. I often wish that there was a "future ball" for our children to look into so they might have better insight into the feelings of the grandparents. Maybe that high paying job isn't as important as catching fireflies in Pap Pap's yard at night or family reunions at the lake. I know they will one day realize this when it is their turn to grandparent and I really wish I could spare them the pain that they will feel. My husband says when we have passed on my son will regret the times missed.  My own father has expressed regret in his relationship with his parent after the fact realizing with the wisdom of age that maybe you should take others feelings into account when making life changing decisions.

I hope you get comfort in knowing you are not alone, it's all we have.

I also see this is mostly older posts but I have to say my daughter and her husband are moving tomorrow and its killing me. I have been crying all night. I knew they were moving for a few months but now the day is here tomorrow. My daughter just had a baby 6 months ago and I feel I just will NOT know this new baby like I know my daughters 14 year old daughter who was always around me and they even lived with me on different occasions., I used to babysit the older one, pick her up from school and she and I are VERY VERY close. I know I will have a relationship with her but the little baby I worry about. She and I will NOT have that bonding that I had with my older GD. I am so sad. I also have never been away from long periods from my daughter who has always lived local to me. She is also having a difficult time but I know they are moving for a good reason. She is moving ONLY 2 1/2 hours away in the same state BUT it is still very hard. I can't imagine some of you grandparents having the kids thousands of miles away. I am so depressed over this. My daughter is my world as are the grandkids and its just so hard. I am working and I do have my friends. I will say I have my son who lives 10 minutes away but he has no kids. I am just so sad and don't know how to get over this. My daughter insists when I retire I will move close to where she went. I won't....I have been in the same town all my life. Everything I know is here. She swears she will come down often to visit but I know she will be busy and won't have the time. I guess I will have to make the trip up to see them often either driving or on the train. Breaks my heart. I told her that new baby is not going to bond with me like the other GD but she says she will....Guess we will see. Grandkids NEED their grandparents in their lives. I am so thankful my 14 year old is so very close to me. She was crying last night not wanting to leave me. SAD SAD.

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Not sure where my response went but reading these posts have helped me a little. My daughter and her family including my 14 year old granddaughter who I am VERY attached and bonded with are moving tomorrow. I knew about this move months ago. I am dreading it. My daughter has a new 6 month old baby and I love this little one so much. I feel she is getting short changed by NOT being able to have her grandmother around all the time like her 14 year old sister. The older one I had around all the time growing up. I also have never really been away from my daughter. She has always lived in the same town as me. I have been crying all night knowing they are leaving in the morning and she is taking that new baby away as well. I can't imagine some of the GP's having their Gkids move thousands of miles away. That would rip my heart out. My daughter is only moving 3 hours away but it is still very hard. I could always just pop over to my daughters house or vice versa. I am very close to her and she says this move is so very difficult due to her leaving me. We will Skype and she says she will visit often but I know with jobs and kids its hard to do. Guess I will be making that drive more often. Just hard for me to let go I guess. I so worry that I won't be bonded with that little one....like my older granddaughter who is also having a hard time and was crying tonight as well not wanting to leave her grandma. I had to stay upbeat and let her know I will always be around and she will see me often. I do have my son who still lives in the same town but he does not have any kids. I will so miss my daughter and the kids. Sad tonight.     

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But three hours away isn't that far.You might change your mind about moving there you never know.Picking them up from school and going to their school events and other things.

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Welcome Catsy! It seems as if both your posts came through. But either the 1st one posted after the 2nd, for some reason or, somehow, the computer mixed up the times. So sorry about that.

 

Meanwhile, my heart goes out to you and yours. I know this transition is going to be hard on you, your DD (dear daughter) and your older GD (granddaughter). (((Hugs))) to all!

 

Please don't worry about the baby, though - she'll be all right, as long as she has her parents and her sister around her. Really, they will all adjust, in time, I'm sure and so will you. Things may not turn out as idyllic for you as DD is painting them but they will be better than you think, no doubt.

 

I'm glad you aren't rushing to move. And I hope that DD isn't applying any pressure (even subtle pressure) for you to do so. After all, I gather from what you're saying that you wouldn't feel comfortable living in a new town and you must have many old friends where you live now. Also, your DS is there. Does he matter any less b/c he doesn't have kids? I didn't think so. And, of course, someday he might. Also, what if DD and family move again, in the future? I agree with WR that you might change your mind about moving. But, IMO, you need to give it careful thought, over a long period of time. Hopefully, talking to people here will help you deal...

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I am sure this is very hard for you.  Maybe skyping will help. You will be able to bond with the baby. It will just take a little more time.  I know you will miss seeing your DD and her family.  You will just need to find ways that you can make the times special with your DD and her family when you get to spend time with them. Years ago  my cousins went to Africa with their new step father and was gone for a few years. My cousins' dad had died a few years before and their mother remarried a preacher. This was 40 years ago when there wasn't computers and skyping and etc. I am sure it was hard for my grandmother to not get to see her son's children for a few years.  My grandmother planted each one of her grandchildren that left the states a tree in her orchard. She told me which tree was which.   I bet you will be able to find things you can do that will help you deal with your family leaving even though it is going to be hard.  I know this is a tough transition but you say it is a good reason to move.  So maybe there will be some positive things that will come out of this for everyone. Just look for the good even though it is hard. 

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Castymiss91, Welcome, It doesn't matter if our AC move 3 hours or 12 hours it still hurts if we can't see them as much as we used to.  My kids live 12 hours away and always have I get to see Gd about once a year but we are close.  GP's are very fortunate to live in this time of all this technology like Skyping and Face Time.  We used to Skype a lot when GD was small and she would bring me her favorite toys and try to hand them to me through the computer.  She is 8 now and I feel very close to her, would I like her to live closer Yes but that is not my choice we raised DS to be self sufficient and there just weren't the opportunities here in our small town so they had to move where the jobs were.

Glad you found our forum we are here for you even if you just need to vent. Critter

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I am so heartbroken right now. I have four adult children and one 13 yr old daughter who is adopted. Three of my adult children gradually moved to AZ over the past couple yrs. They all just returned back to AZ after visiting me for the 4th of July. I am crushed. When they first moved a felt betrayed and abandoned. I know that sounds crazy. It even cost me a friendship with a good friend. She said I was being ridiculous saying they betrayed and/or abandoned me. I live In  WA. I always dreamed of my children growing up getting married and becoming a grandma. Now that all that has happened and they all live so far away it hurts me so. I am a hands on grandma. I love getting down on the floor and playing with my grandchildren. I have been dealing with this for almost three yrs now and it's not getting better. Despite the fact one of my adult daughters still lives in Seattle with my two grandchildren and I have a 13 yr old daughter. I guess I just wished we/I lived in a "perfect" world. I want all my children and their children to all live around one another. To me that's what life is all about.  I have no choice but to live/deal with it, but it's far from easy. I've been to counseling, seen Psychiatrists, been put on meds and everything else possible to no avail. It's eating me alive. It makes it even worse when they do come to visit like they just did because when they leave my heart breaks. I am thinking about letting them know how bad I'm affected by this and tell them I wish we could all just live around one another and as I grow old I can enjoy my children and g'children. How unrealistic am I really? 

Thanks for listening and if anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

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I am so heartbroken right now. I have four adult children and one 13 yr old daughter who is adopted. Three of my adult children gradually moved to AZ over the past couple yrs. They all just returned back to AZ after visiting me for the 4th of July. I am crushed. When they first moved a felt betrayed and abandoned. I know that sounds crazy. It even cost me a friendship with a good friend. She said I was being ridiculous saying they betrayed and/or abandoned me. I live In  WA. I always dreamed of my children growing up getting married and becoming a grandma. Now that all that has happened and they all live so far away it hurts me so. I am a hands on grandma. I love getting down on the floor and playing with my grandchildren. I have been dealing with this for almost three yrs now and it's not getting better. Despite the fact one of my adult daughters still lives in Seattle with my two grandchildren and I have a 13 yr old daughter. I guess I just wished we/I lived in a "perfect" world. I want all my children and their children to all live around one another. To me that's what life is all about.  I have no choice but to live/deal with it, but it's far from easy. I've been to counseling, seen Psychiatrists, been put on meds and everything else possible to no avail. It's eating me alive. It makes it even worse when they do come to visit like they just did because when they leave my heart breaks. I am thinking about letting them know how bad I'm affected by this and tell them I wish we could all just live around one another and as I grow old I can enjoy my children and g'children. How unrealistic am I really? 

Thanks for listening and if anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Welcome JulieS_22, I am the mod for this forum.  I'm glad you brought your concerns to us, instead of your AC.(adult children)

 

My DS (dear son) & DIL(daughter in law) moved to Az over 15 years ago it was very hard to adjust at first, but we  raised him to pursue his own life and to do what would make him happy,which is what he did.  They had our only GC 8 years ago and moved 12 hours nearer but I still only see them about once a year, they were also back for the 4th but her family also lives here so even though they sleep at my house I don't get to see them as much as I want, but I work it out by myself I don't tell them how I feel because I don't want to burden them with my problems.

 

Did you live in the same town your parents and in-laws lived when you were first married?  My Dh and I moved 2 states away from my family and I was an only child , but my parents never made me feel bad about moving and abandoning them, I guess that is where I learned to let DS live his life.

 

Please don't tell your AC how you feel it really won't help and might cause more problems.  Maybe you should try more counseling, or come on here to vent.  If you have a good relationship with your AC and AC_INLaws  I wouldn't say anything to them they are not responsible for making you happy that is your job. 

 

Can you go to visit them, or do you Skype or FaceTime? I do that with my GD and also send her letters we even text, even though I only see her once a year we are very close.

 

You do still have 2 DD's and GC close to you concentrate on the good things you have and don't dwell on what you don't have.  I learned trhat lesson a long time ago my DH died 8 years ago and I have a handicapped DD those are things I can't do anything about so I just don't dwell on what I don't have and look for the positives.  Everybody has something they have to adjust to yours just happens to be your AC living so far away.  I hope you can overcome this and adjust to it try to remember they didn't do this to hurt you but to live their lives the way they want. 

 

My prayers will be with you as you try to come to terms with this.

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JulieS_22 I have sent you a PM look for the envelope in the upper right hand corner Thanks.

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I am a psychotherapist who is now struggling to "practice what I preach." There is a marked difference between what we think and what we feel. My mind can comprehend the reasons my son and his wife and my three grandchildren (1,3,6) will be moving thirteen hours away, but my heart cannot grasp the concept. Those of you who wrote that this is like bereavement are wrong. It us not like grief, it IS GRIEF. The loss if someone we love is heart-wrenching and that I am losing what has been daily contact with five loved ones at once is unbearable. I am in the initial stage if the grief process: denial. There will be bargaining, anger and depression before acceptance, but the stages are not linear. That is to say that we do not move from one to the next and can experience a degree if each simultaneously. The stages are not easy. For what ut is worth, here us my plan. Before the move I will already have purchased an airline ticket for 30 days after my family relocates. This will give me something tangible to hold on to. We will set a specific day and time each week to talk on the phone. We will text or email daily. We will set up SKYPE accounts. As hard as it will be to see pictures, they will be shared at least once a week. We will use the mail to send each other pictures, letters and other tokens. In other words we will do all that we can to remain as connected as we are. These words were written by my brain. At a later date, perhaps my heart will post something as well. Today is not that day because... I'm out of Kleenex. Peace to all who read this. Tom

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I am a psychotherapist who is now struggling to "practice what I preach." There is a marked difference between what we think and what we feel. My mind can comprehend the reasons my son and his wife and my three grandchildren (1,3,6) will be moving thirteen hours away, but my heart cannot grasp the concept. Those of you who wrote that this is like bereavement are wrong. It us not like grief, it IS GRIEF. The loss if someone we love is heart-wrenching and that I am losing what has been daily contact with five loved ones at once is unbearable. I am in the initial stage if the grief process: denial. There will be bargaining, anger and depression before acceptance, but the stages are not linear. That is to say that we do not move from one to the next and can experience a degree if each simultaneously. The stages are not easy. For what ut is worth, here us my plan. Before the move I will already have purchased an airline ticket for 30 days after my family relocates. This will give me something tangible to hold on to. We will set a specific day and time each week to talk on the phone. We will text or email daily. We will set up SKYPE accounts. As hard as it will be to see pictures, they will be shared at least once a week. We will use the mail to send each other pictures, letters and other tokens. In other words we will do all that we can to remain as connected as we are. These words were written by my brain. At a later date, perhaps my heart will post something as well. Today is not that day because... I'm out of Kleenex. Peace to all who read this. Tom

Just a caution: Some of what you're saying, "We will" I wonder if it's really possible on their end of things. Text or email daily. A specific and time each week for phone calls? With 3 kids, expecting that sort of adherence to that sort of schedule really may not be possible. 

 

the plans 'sound' a bit overwhelming, from the perspective of a mom w/young kids at home. I just don't want you being hurt if the 'we will' plans end up not following the way you envision.

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tj, did your son and his wife agree to your plan?

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I am a psychotherapist who is now struggling to "practice what I preach." There is a marked difference between what we think and what we feel. My mind can comprehend the reasons my son and his wife and my three grandchildren (1,3,6) will be moving thirteen hours away, but my heart cannot grasp the concept. Those of you who wrote that this is like bereavement are wrong. It us not like grief, it IS GRIEF. The loss if someone we love is heart-wrenching and that I am losing what has been daily contact with five loved ones at once is unbearable. I am in the initial stage if the grief process: denial. There will be bargaining, anger and depression before acceptance, but the stages are not linear. That is to say that we do not move from one to the next and can experience a degree if each simultaneously. The stages are not easy. For what ut is worth, here us my plan. Before the move I will already have purchased an airline ticket for 30 days after my family relocates. This will give me something tangible to hold on to. We will set a specific day and time each week to talk on the phone. We will text or email daily. We will set up SKYPE accounts. As hard as it will be to see pictures, they will be shared at least once a week. We will use the mail to send each other pictures, letters and other tokens. In other words we will do all that we can to remain as connected as we are. These words were written by my brain. At a later date, perhaps my heart will post something as well. Today is not that day because... I'm out of Kleenex. Peace to all who read this. Tom

Welcome to this forum tj.  I know how hard it is to have your AC move far away, but I also know you have to let them go live their own life. 

 

Like Sue and Imp I think you might be setting yourself up for disappointment with your plans.  What with moving getting settled and 3 little ones it would be hard to expect anyone to keep in touch as much as you seem to expect.   

 

When my DS and DIl moved 15 years ago it was hard but I had to be realistic and be happy for them feeling sorry for myself wasn't helping me or them, I got on with my life and was happy for whatever time they could give me, they are very busy with their careers and GD and I am also busy, I enjoy when we can talk but don't have a certain time or day for it.  It is always a nice surprise to hear from them.

 

I am not a Psychotherapist but been through a lot of grief my parents died whithin 6 weeks of each other when I was 21 and my DH died 8 years ago so I know about GRIEF, but I also know you have to work through it you can't expect others to make you happy.  I hope you get what you want just don't be suprised if you don't.

 

Also If you are using your active email addy for your user name, you might want to change that for greater privacy. If so, just clickhttp://www.grandparents.com/profile and change your username where shown. (You'll have to log out and then log in again to see the change.) If you find you have a problem changing your username? Then please contact help@grandparents.com.

Also, if you change your username or plan to, please let a mod know, preferably, the Lead Mod(s) of the forum(s) you frequent. You can PM a moderator by pointing to one of our names above our post and on the drop down, click on the send a message button under our avatar.

We are happy to have you here at GP.com and just trying to make your experience here as pleasant and comfortable as possible. 

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It's one of those "shoot for the moon" scenarios. I don't expect it all to happen as planned, but the more we plan the more we will do. I appreciate your cautionary words and your perspective as one who walksin my daughter in law'shoes. Right now it's all so fresh.Still trying to figure things out. Thank you for the reply

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I honestly wouldn't be booking a ticket to visit until they invited you. 30 days may seem like plenty to you, but moving long distance, with three children...chances are, they're going to be a long way from settled, and your visit will be stressful rather than enjoyable. 

 

ETA: I say this as someone that's made two long distance moves in the last 2 years. A visitor, a month after we arrived, would've been a major stressor.

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I failed to mention that my son and his family have been living in my house for the past year. I have changed diapers, fixed boo boos, bathed, rocked and read stories to my grandkids and helped in any way I could. Think I will give this a rest for a bit. Will return when its closer to the time. Again, I appreciate the input. I keep telling myself - and it's true - "if it wasn't so good it wouldn't hurt so bad" Talk about bittersweet.

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"if it wasn't so good it wouldn't hurt so bad"

 

To some extent, I agree. If you hadn't had the privilege of being so much a part of DS' (dear son's) and his family's life and had the opportunity to be so hands-on with your GC, you probably wouldn't feel the change as deeply. So please, no matter what,  always treasure the time that you've had together (as if I have to tell you that!).

 

Then again,  no doubt, having DS and family with you 24/7 has made it even more difficult to accept their moving. Also, if your involvement with DS and family kept you from pursuing/developing other interests (hopefully, that's not the case), that's unfortunate b/c such passions might help you to adjust now

 

IMO, it's good to be preparing yourself for the move ahead of time, thinking about ways you can still keep in touch. But in case you're still reading, I'm going to echo the words of those who advise you to check with DS and DIL before you begin to act on these plans. Don't buy that ticket, for example, unless they agree that 30 days will be enough. And be willing to adjust your expectations if they say that 60 would be better - or 90, etc. (as painfully long as that may seem to you). Even if they say, " We don't know yet - when we're ready for a visit, we'll invite you." as much as your heart may be aching, please accept their decision graciously and wait for that invitation.

 

I know it may be tempting to say, more or less, "But I helped you out! Let you live with me! Changed diapers, etc! I deserve to get to visit when I think it's appropriate!" But please resist that temptation if you feel it. While they may be ready to give you a little more leeway b/c of all that, then again, they might not. And, I'm sorry, but they may just resent it if they feel you're trying to change their minds. Another reason to accept their decisions graciously. even any that hurt (I hope none of them do of course).

 

As for pictures, IMO, you have some good ideas. But have you thought about Facebook?  Do DS and DIL have FB accounts? If so, are you also a FB member or will you consider joining? That may be the best and quickest way to keep up with pics, etc. It can have its pitfalls, of course, But it's a thought...

 

Tj. IDK if you're ready to hear this, but I think your plan also needs to include ways to keep yourself busy and interested, even when not in contact with DS and family. That's why I mentioned other interests.Hopefully, you have a hobby, belong to an organization or two and/or have a job that really holds your attention. If not, I hope you can find/develop such an interest soon, preferably before the move. You may not be able to process this kind of advice, right now, but, hopefully, in time, you can look back and find some value in it.

 

Still, I get that nothing will totally fill the void that you are already feeling. My heart is with you. And I wish you the very best as you prepare for and adjust to this change.

 

Thank you for sharing your concerns with us! Welcome!

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I failed to mention that my son and his family have been living in my house for the past year. I have changed diapers, fixed boo boos, bathed, rocked and read stories to my grandkids and helped in any way I could. Think I will give this a rest for a bit. Will return when its closer to the time. Again, I appreciate the input. I keep telling myself - and it's true - "if it wasn't so good it wouldn't hurt so bad" Talk about bittersweet.

This is important information......

 

Regardless, they are adults with a nuclear family. They have to do what's best for that family.I'm sure there is no intention of hurting you, but collateral damage happens.

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I feel like my life is over! My grandson is 4 and I raised him for 2 years and nearly adopted him when my daughter was nearly killed in a DUI crash. She now has another, my beautiful 2 year old granddaughter. I am always with them. She has a third baby due in October. She and the kids are my life! I left my career when she had the car crash. I've been very involved in her life and the kids.i have a very special bond with my grandson. He says "Grandma, did you used to be my Mommy?" He remembers living with me. I told him "no, I've always been you Grandma but a Grandma is just like a Mommy, it's a Grand Mommy and that's why it's called Grandma.

I see the kids all the time but they always run to me with reckless abandon, there little legs carrying them as fast as they can to my arms for a hug and a kiss. We are extremely close. Closer than I ever thought possible. Life as a grandmother has been the joy of my life.

Now poof, I found out they are moving 3,000 miles a way. I am heartbroken, I cry all the time. There is nothing that can take the place of the life I had with them.

I am in CA and they are moving to FL. My husband's job is here and at 60 he's not planning to change jobs and he hates FL. I would move to the ends of the universe to be with them. We are caring for my elderly Dad and can't retire for another 10 years. I feel so stuck and in such a horrible position. I have no joy without my daughter and the kids. I love my husband and I just want him to find a way for us to move there! I feel like my life is spiraling out of control!

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I feel like my life is over! My grandson is 4 and I raised him for 2 years and nearly adopted him when my daughter was nearly killed in a DUI crash. She now has another, my beautiful 2 year old granddaughter. I am always with them. She has a third baby due in October. She and the kids are my life! I left my career when she had the car crash. I've been very involved in her life and the kids.i have a very special bond with my grandson. He says "Grandma, did you used to be my Mommy?" He remembers living with me. I told him "no, I've always been you Grandma but a Grandma is just like a Mommy, it's a Grand Mommy and that's why it's called Grandma.
I see the kids all the time but they always run to me with reckless abandon, there little legs carrying them as fast as they can to my arms for a hug and a kiss. We are extremely close. Closer than I ever thought possible. Life as a grandmother has been the joy of my life.
Now poof, I found out they are moving 3,000 miles a way. I am heartbroken, I cry all the time. There is nothing that can take the place of the life I had with them.
I am in CA and they are moving to FL. My husband's job is here and at 60 he's not planning to change jobs and he hates FL. I would move to the ends of the universe to be with them. We are caring for my elderly Dad and can't retire for another 10 years. I feel so stuck and in such a horrible position. I have no joy without my daughter and the kids. I love my husband and I just want him to find a way for us to move there! I feel like my life is spiraling out of control!

 

Welcome DandJ, sorry you are feeling this way. Your life sounds really busy with taking care of your Dad also. As you mentioned nothing can take the place of the life you had with them that is true but you can still have a close relationship with your Grandkids there is Skype and FaceTime I do these things with my Granddaughter. Who lives several hours away and I only see about once a year.

 

We can only change ourselves , could you volunteer or go back to your career to keep you busy and not missing your Grandchildren so much? I missed my Son and DIL when they first moved but we raised him to be an adult and to do what is best for him and his family, if that meant moving for his job we had to be quiet and encourage them to do what they wanted, that we would be ok.

 

Maybe it would help you to talk to a therapist. I hope you get to feeling better.

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Another welcome DandJ! And I so feel for you! It must be terribly hard to have DD (dear daughter) and your beloved GC (grandchildren) moving so far away! Especially since you have been so involved in their lives!

 

I doubt that anything we can say will help all that much, right now. But TG for cell phones, the Internet, FaceTime ( on certain phones), Skype, etc. Hopefully, you and DD can work out a way that you can all keep in touch, visually, as well as through conversation. And hopefully, when you get over the initial shock - and you will - you'll be able to work out some visiting plans, in one or both directions. 

 

Also, I agree with critter, that, it may be a good idea to go for some counseling. If not, right now, then, after a while, if you're still feeling so "stuck" and unhappy. it may help you deal with the new situation, as well as the added pressures of caring for your Dad.

 

Meanwhile, my heart is with you and I hope you keep reaching out here for support, as well...

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Get a credit card that has miles rewards....start saving those miles. Look for airfare sales....go back to work so you can afford those trips! In between use Skype, facetime, etc....

 

There are lots of ideas here. I use snailmail with the #2 gs, who is 300 miles away. Kids love to get mail.

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Get a credit card that has miles rewards....start saving those miles. Look for airfare sales....go back to work so you can afford those trips! In between use Skype, facetime, etc....

 

There are lots of ideas here. I use snailmail with the #2 gs, who is 300 miles away. Kids love to get mail.

 

Absolutely! You can also read stories and sing songs over Skype/FaceTime. As they get older, you might also get involved via Facebook games and similar activities.

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