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EmptynestGma

Learned last night kids moving far away

131 posts in this topic

My daughter is leaving Oct 2nd with by two precious grandchildren Dev 4, and Juliet 2.

My daughter is begging me to come the 3,000 miles to FL to be there when the baby is born in early Nov. I just dont know how I can do this financially. I did recently get a credit card with air mileage but haven't used it yet. I was laid off from my job and my husband lost his mortgage company which both have been a financial disaster for us. I am frustrated to no end here. I know she and the kids will need me as much as I need them. I have been going to counseling but it's not helping at all. I am thinking with my heart and unable to think with my head right now. I wake up in the middle of the night crying.

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I am a psychotherapist who is now struggling to "practice what I preach." There is a marked difference between what we think and what we feel. My mind can comprehend the reasons my son and his wife and my three grandchildren (1,3,6) will be moving thirteen hours away, but my heart cannot grasp the concept. Those of you who wrote that this is like bereavement are wrong. It us not like grief, it IS GRIEF. The loss if someone we love is heart-wrenching and that I am losing what has been daily contact with five loved ones at once is unbearable. I am in the initial stage if the grief process: denial. There will be bargaining, anger and depression before acceptance, but the stages are not linear. That is to say that we do not move from one to the next and can experience a degree if each simultaneously. The stages are not easy. For what ut is worth, here us my plan. Before the move I will already have purchased an airline ticket for 30 days after my family relocates. This will give me something tangible to hold on to. We will set a specific day and time each week to talk on the phone. We will text or email daily. We will set up SKYPE accounts. As hard as it will be to see pictures, they will be shared at least once a week. We will use the mail to send each other pictures, letters and other tokens. In other words we will do all that we can to remain as connected as we are. These words were written by my brain. At a later date, perhaps my heart will post something as well. Today is not that day because... I'm out of Kleenex. Peace to all who read this. Tom

I am so so sorry Tom. I know how you are feeling right now as I am feeling the exact same way. I'm dreading them leaving and I can't imagine that it's really happening. I always wanted to be a part and an influence in their lives as my grandparents were. I had one set of grandparents that I saw 1x a year and another that lived minutes away. I have to say I was so close to the ones here and definitely just not with the long distance pair. I think this is why I am hurting so much! I don't want to be that long distant grandparent.

D&Js grandma

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DandJ ,  I am sorry you are going through this, and that you weren't close to your long distance Grandparents.  Things have changed a lot since we were little and because of technology today we can keep in better contact with our Kids and Grandkids we can see them on skype and talk on the phone. 

My 8 year old Grand daughter told her Mom she wished you could say "boop" and be anywhere in the world you wanted to be so DIL asked her where she would like to be thinking Disneyland or something like that instead she said I want to be in "My town name" because that is where my Grandmas are I was happy that she want's to be where we are.  I am always sending her cards and little things I know she likes so she is always excited for the mail to go.

I really have no magic words to help it is just going to take time.  For myself I know if I dwell on stuff it makes it worse,  if it is something I can't do anything about I drop it and go on to the next problem.  Keep coming here maybe someone else will have some ideas.

Critter

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Oh, DandJ, I agree with critter that there are "no magic words." It may be of some comfort, though, to realize that the fact that DD wants you to be there when baby is born means she still sees you as very important in their lives and will make an effort to make sure you stay in touch/included.

 

Does DD have anyone who will help her out in Florida if you can't come down? A husband, SO (significant other), friends or relatives? I hope so.

 

Dand J, I'm no psychologist, but I imagine that what you're going through is a form of grief - for the lost situation, one that you, no doubt loved, and a sense of loss of relationships, even though I assure you that they will not be lost - they are just changing.

 

Hang in there! Stick with the counseling and stick with us. You will get past this. I have no doubt.... Peace...

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Hi all!!! I have spent the better half of my morning reading this entire forum thread and have not been able to keep the tears from my eyes. I am not a grandparent, I am actually a parent who will be moving my 3 year old daughter across the country, away from my mother. This is VERY heartbreaking for myself as I know how much my daughter adores and loves her grandma and how much my daughter lights up my mothers life. My husband and I decided on the move about a month ago and I have been doing a significant amount of research online on how to lessen the heartache of both my daughter and my mother (both of who have no idea about this yet) We currently live in Ohio where Kasich will most likely be re-elected, in turn making Ohio a right-to-work state, as this will not bode well for my family as my husband is a union electrician. Building and expansion is booming in Portland right now and my husband still has connects from growing up there if he is not able to get on the locals books there. I am able to transfer at my job as my company is nation wide, and I may actually get a slight raise per the cost of living on the West Coast. My husband and I have agreed the change of scenery would be nice and my FIL wants so bad for us to move out there that he has told me numerous times that he "guarantees my happiness" there and anytime that my daughter or myself wants/needs to come home and visit, he will pay all expenses incurred. These 3 things are not the real reason we are moving. The West Coast is so much more progressive and open. The school systems in Portland are absolutely immaculate and the environment and people are COMPLETELY different than those here in Cleveland. I deep down honestly believe that my childs well-being growing up, ultimately educationally and overall well-being, would be 100% better growing up in Portland rather than Cleveland. 

But this is going to be VERY difficult for me. I cry about it all the time. My daughter talks about her grandma EVERY SINGLE DAY. Some days she even carries grandmas picture around the house "just cuz she misses her." Which is crazy due to the fact my daughter sees her just about every week and stays over there for entire weekends all the time. My daughter hasn't even been home one weekend this month because my mom had all these things planned to do with her. When the weekend is over and it's time to come home, my daughter is devastated. She will cry from anywhere to 15 minutes to a half hour weeping that she wants grandma. Anytime she gets reprimanded at home, it's "I want grandma"..... they literally ARE best friends. 

The reason I have reached out to all of you is to ask how I can go about making this easier for my mother when I finally break the bad news to her. I really want her to understand that growing up in Portland will be SO MUCH better for Lil than Cleveland. I know some of you will be biased and tell me I'm doing a horrible thing (I can feel the sadness in all of your words and stumbling upon this forum has brought even more grief to me).... How can I go about this move and not break my moms heart while doing so? My daughter will be 4 by the time the move takes place and I feel like her heartache will eventually subside because she is so young (and she will also have her other grandma and grandpa out there who absolutely adore her as well), it's my mom I'm worried about. My brother has a son, so this isn't my mothers only grandchild, however, my mother barely ever sees my nephew, they definitely do not have the relationship that my daughter and her have. I think I have started to ramble.... anyways... any help or tips or consolation would be greatly appreciated.

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Welcome, Lindsay!

 

Is that your active email addy in your username  If so, you may want to change it for greater privacy. If so,  just click on http://www.grandparents.com/profile and change your name where shown. You must sign/log out and then sign/log back in again to make sure the change takes full effect.

 

If you do this, immediately, it will be obvious, of course. However, generally speaking please always let a moderator or administrator know if you change your name (just click on their name and then Send a Message and go from there. Or mention it in a post.) Thank you. :)

 

(Note: You are permitted to make 3 display name changes in a 30 day period)

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That being said, I feel deeply for your predicament. I can see you have thought through your reasons to make this move. And it was nice of you to share them w/ us though you didn't have to - you and DH have a right to move your family if you so choose. It's very kind and loving of you to be sensitive to and concerned about your DM's (dear mom's) and your DD's (dear daughter's) feelings, as much as you are. You're very worried, I can see. The good news is there are ways to help ease the transition although I can't promise it will be easy.

 

Perhaps you've heard about Skyping and FaceTime. If not, please check out the threads, right here in this forum, that discuss those options. If you set one or both of those possibilities up w/ DM, she and DD - and you, too, of course - will be able to "visit" often, though in a different way than before.

 

I know it's totally normal for kids to miss people they love and enjoy and to cry when they have to leave them. We hear about that often on these boards. But I'm a little surprised at the amount DD seems to miss your DM when she's away from her and the extend to which she cries when she comes home from a visit. There's a part of me that thinks maybe she has spent too much time w/ her, unfortunately, or not had enough chance to do fun things w/ you and her dad. Like yourself, I'm concerned about how this move will affect her, but a part of me thinks that, perhaps, it will be a good thing to create some distance between her and DM. I'm glad you feel she will adjust quickly and that the othr GPs will fill any void she experiences. I think so, too. And you may find that you and DH (dear husband) enjoy having more weekend time to do things w/ DD.

 

And I get that your main concern is about DM. Chances are, she'll take it hard, at first. Hopefully, though, the suggestions I made above will appeal to her and ease her pain a little. And, of course, don't forget cards, letters, texts gifts and "good ole" snail mail. On the plus side, perhaps now DM will have a chance to develop her relationship w/ her other GC more though I doubt she'll see that, right away.

 

Will you be able to plan a visit, any time soon? Either you and DD to DM of vice versa? It's very generous of FIL to offer to finance any trips home but IDK if you can count on that or it  you want to. And perhaps DM will be willing and able to come to you, if that would work for you and DH.

 

Please remember that some of the responsibility for making this easier rests w/ DM, herself. Hopefully, she has other interests and activities that she can busy herself w/ or will be ready and able to find new ones.

 

Chances are, other posters will come in w/ more and better ideas than mine. Meanwhile, I'm glad you found this board and hope you continue to talk w/ us.

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We also learned last night that our daughter/son-in-law/granddaughter are planning to move far away. We have a wonderful, loving family and this daughter has been in the military (nurse practitioner) for almost 27 years. She is very caring and we have missed a lot over the years with them living far away for most of her military service. Now they are retiring and have been trying to decide where to go. Yesterday (Christmas) I asked if they had made a decision and it seems they are seriously considering settling on a location over 3,000 miles away. We had hoped they would be within traveling distance at retirement, where we might see them more frequently. Not only will they not be closer, they will be farther away than ever. We have missed so much during this past 27 years but have been able to see them usually at least once every couple of years. We really have had very little impact on the lives of their 2 children and have missed that. Now we are getting up in years and not in the best of health and I don't believe making a 3,000 mile trip is in our future. This holiday season due to recent health problems with my husband, it was recommended that we not fly even 600 miles since if any health issue came up, we would be so far from our medical team who know his issues.

One of the main reasons for their choice is that there are young grandchildren in their life (also in the military, nearing retirement in 3-4 years). I find myself feeling a grief (at a perceived loss) because those younger people can readily travel, and possibly with our health issues I had looked forward to seeing our daughter more often. She had her mother-in-law (dementia) in her home and gave daily care to her for 3 years before having to go to a nursing home and has since passed. With our daughter's profession, obviously she will probably be able to get employment no matter where they decide to live.

I am just venting a bit this morning because I was unable to sleep last night after hearing this and I don't want to tell her how I feel and make her feel any guilt over their retirement location decision. She really is tired of moving and I understand that.

I am just very sad right now. We have always been very independent and have traveled (often at children's expense) but due to a health issue a month ago, that may not be possible in the future. We have other children, 2 without children and 2 others who have children of their own, only 1 lives near us, ~50 miles away. The grandchildren are getting grown up and moving away to adult life or college. So maybe my feeling of loss is that of a child rather than a grandchild. It doesn't help my outlook any that I have 2 elderly siblings who may be nearing the end of their lives, so I'm kind of in a grief mode anyway, but this news yesterday really hurt my heart.

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Welcome Aging. I am sorry that you received such disturbing (to you) news on Christmas.

My own mother is nearing 90 now and lives in a small town where the only extended family now are my cousins adult children. It can get lonesome. Hopefully your adult children can step up with their visits since your husbands health is taking a turn for the worse.

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Welcome AgingGrandma,

   

Sorry your family is moving farther away.  But glad you came here to vent instead of telling your DD how you really feel.

 

Maybe they will be able to come back a little more often since your DH can't travel.

 

It is very hard when our Kids grow up and have lives of their own which we have raised them to do.  My DS lives about 800 miles from me used to be 1500 but they moved a little closer, I only see them once rarely twice a year.  We use Facetime or Skype it helps some but you can't hug them.

 

This is a great place to vent so we don't make our family feel bad.  Come back to talk anytime.

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As I said, our children are wonderful, loving people but they are scattered all over the U.S. Our closest one is ~ 50 miles away and has just changed jobs. His job requires a lot of traveling. Our others are (at this time) about 400 miles, 600 miles, 3,000 miles, and 1400+ miles changing to about 3,100. No one really has time to come visit, sometimes they supply tickets and we go visit, and they my not realize that it may not be possible for us much in the near future. It has been a traumatic couple of years for us with some health issues for both of us but we have recovered nicely, but not as young as we used to be. We had to sell our home earlier this year and with the help of our children, have moved into another house, but not fully settled yet. I shouldn't have asked that question yesterday about "have you decided where you will settle?"

 

That both of you for the welcome and I will try to keep it together, but I think 3,000+ miles may be to far for folks at approximately 80 +/- to travel. 

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Another welcome, AG! And please know how much I appreciate the service your DD (dear daughter). SIL (son-in-law) and family have given to this country. 

 

I'm so sorry that you got this upsetting news at a time when you are, as you say, "in grief mode," anyhow. You've had a lot going on in your own lives, also, as you tell us, such as the health issues and the move. So I imagine that's impacted your sense of "loss," as well. And  I'm guessing you asked the question, hoping DD  would say they were moving very close to you and so the facts hit doubly hard!  (((Hugs!)))

 

I think you're focusing too much on travel, however. Please look into FaceTime and Skype if you haven't already. Some of your AC (adult children) and CIL  (children-in-law) may be more open to these ideas than the others. But it's almost bound to increase your contact w/ them and maybe even the grands. Please give it some thought..

 

We had to sell our home earlier this year and with the help of our children, have moved into another house, but not fully settled yet.

 

Well, at least your AC are there for you and DH when you need help. And that even though they live far away. Not every parent can say that. Perhaps, as PPs (previous posters) have said, when they find out DH can't travel so much, they'll manage to carve out time to come visit. I hope so.

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Hello I am new here and recently found out my daughter her boyfriend and my grandson will be moving almost 3000 miles away. They have been living with us ever since our grandson was born and he will be 3 in August. It makes it extra hard as she is my youngest daughter and has lived at home her entire life. I also should mention that I am a Montessori toddler teacher and my grandson is also in my class all day long so i have been with him 24/7 since he was born.

I have been reading past posts and have seen a lot of good suggestions of ways to stay connected. They will be leaving in about 5 weeks and I just don't know how I can ever handle it. I cry and am depressed for a few days and then I manage to pull myself together for a few days and then it hits me again out of the blue. My head knows that this is what they need to do for themselves but my heart just wants to let them know how much they are hurting me. they are both young and do not always make the best parenting or life discisions and I really do not think they can make it on their own, especially financially in the area they will be living. At least with me I could guide them. I worry so much that the one who will suffer most is my grandson and I just can't handle the thought of that. I feel like I am going from having a very special bond with him to being the grandparent he hardly knows and sees maybe only once a year. Any advise on letting go?

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Welcome Gracie! Glad you came in to talk w/ us! So sorry, though, about this painful news you have received! My heart aches for you! (((Hugs!)))

 

Sigh...you're facing a drastic change, and like many others in this thread, I feel you are grieving. That's why the crying and feelings of depression, This is actually, very "normal," IMO, and understandable. I wish DD (dear daughter) and her BF had told you sooner, so you would have had more time to adjust. But I suppose they may not have known, for sure, themselves, till recently. Or they may have been afraid that the news would hurt you, exactly as it has.

 

It seems to me there are 3 components to your sorrow. One is that they won't be able to "make it on their own" and that this will make life especially difficult for your GS. If it's any comfort, I've noted that this is a common fear when young parents have been dependent on GPs for advice and other kinds of support for a long time. But such parents often surprise the GPs w/ how well they can do. Especially if they've learned a lot from living w/ the GPs, etc. Perhaps this will be the case here.

 

If not, will they be near any other family or friends who can help? And if not, I'm guessing they will be able to come back to you. So either way, I think you can set your mind at ease, a little, on this count.

 

I feel like I am going from having a very special bond with him to being the grandparent he hardly knows and sees maybe only once a year.

 

This is another concern that I imagine is making you unhappy.  Again, as you can see in this thread, you are not alone. Please realize, though, that if you are able to implement some of the suggestions given here - Skype, FaceTime, etc. - GS may "see" you a lot more than "only once a year."  I know it's not the same as being together every day, etc. But if you and the parents can work out a reasonable schedule, GS will continue to "know" you and will, most likely, come to look forward, all the more, to any actual visits. You asked for advice on "letting go," and if you can begin to plan some ways of keeping in touch, I think it will help you do just that.

 

Regardless, no doubt, you will still simply miss DD  and GS, especially in the beginning. Hopefully, the suggestions here will help take the edge off those feelings, too.

 

For all that, you may still experience bouts of crying, for a while, etc. As I said, I think this is very normal. Please keep reaching out to us, so we can help you get through it. More (((Hugs!)))

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Hello I am new here and recently found out my daughter her boyfriend and my grandson will be moving almost 3000 miles away. They have been living with us ever since our grandson was born and he will be 3 in August. It makes it extra hard as she is my youngest daughter and has lived at home her entire life. I also should mention that I am a Montessori toddler teacher and my grandson is also in my class all day long so i have been with him 24/7 since he was born.

I have been reading past posts and have seen a lot of good suggestions of ways to stay connected. They will be leaving in about 5 weeks and I just don't know how I can ever handle it. I cry and am depressed for a few days and then I manage to pull myself together for a few days and then it hits me again out of the blue. My head knows that this is what they need to do for themselves but my heart just wants to let them know how much they are hurting me. they are both young and do not always make the best parenting or life discisions and I really do not think they can make it on their own, especially financially in the area they will be living. At least with me I could guide them. I worry so much that the one who will suffer most is my grandson and I just can't handle the thought of that. I feel like I am going from having a very special bond with him to being the grandparent he hardly knows and sees maybe only once a year. Any advise on letting go?

 

I can understand your being upset. However, you have to realize that they are adults and are able to make their own decisions. They have to determine what works for them. If they can't make it on their own they will have to figure something out. I suggest not telling them how upset you are, simply because this is their decision and they are (presumably) not doing it to hurt you.

 

You might find something else to occupy your time. You can also ask if it would be possible to FaceTime or Skype their family periodically. You can ask about sending care packages to them. Growing up, my PGPs lived 450 miles away and we saw them about twice a year - but OF COURSE we knew who they were.

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I'm sorry you are hurting. Seems a natural thing under the circumstances.

 

But try to think of it as that you are now gaining your empty nest. Remake your daughter's room into a craft escape or home office. We renovated our house after the last one left.

 

If you think they can't make it, then you have 5 weeks to train them. Make sure they understand the concept of a budget, savings and planning. Help DD plan meals, shop the sale ads and cook. Good quality clothes can be purchased at thrift stores. Help her gain the confidence she'll need.

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I hear you on being sad being away. Know they are sad also, and will have their own grief. It may no be as intense as yours but they will experience in their one way.

We moved and have been told how 'I'm so depressed because you left' at least 4-5 times. We are not responsible for those deep issues. Yes we left but aren't gone. This created a wedge between mil and us. The hardest thing will be for you to support decisions you have no say in.

But celebrate with them. And DGS. Good luck.

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Hello I am new here and recently found out my daughter her boyfriend and my grandson will be moving almost 3000 miles away. They have been living with us ever since our grandson was born and he will be 3 in August. It makes it extra hard as she is my youngest daughter and has lived at home her entire life. I also should mention that I am a Montessori toddler teacher and my grandson is also in my class all day long so i have been with him 24/7 since he was born.

I have been reading past posts and have seen a lot of good suggestions of ways to stay connected. They will be leaving in about 5 weeks and I just don't know how I can ever handle it. I cry and am depressed for a few days and then I manage to pull myself together for a few days and then it hits me again out of the blue. My head knows that this is what they need to do for themselves but my heart just wants to let them know how much they are hurting me. they are both young and do not always make the best parenting or life discisions and I really do not think they can make it on their own, especially financially in the area they will be living. At least with me I could guide them. I worry so much that the one who will suffer most is my grandson and I just can't handle the thought of that. I feel like I am going from having a very special bond with him to being the grandparent he hardly knows and sees maybe only once a year. Any advise on letting go?

Hi Gracie,

 

I hope things are better for you now. I would say, if you are still worried about them, help as you are able. If they were living with you and you were helping financially by housing them etc., you will have more $ after they leave and so will probably be able to help them out if they need it. Other than that, there are many ways to stay in touch.

 

I do have an aunt who "followed" her daughter (one of several kids) and family when they moved to another state in order to continue to be close, and that worked well for them. But, that is a major decision and many people can't manage to do that even if they want to. My aunt was living alone at the time and felt that living close to family was the single most important thing for her. When the daughter & her family were very young, she was a help to them, but now that my aunt is older herself, she finds they are a help to her. Maintaining close and involved real iife relationships can be difficult, and can require a lot of sacrifice, but the rewards may be worth it. On the other hand, the grandkids will grow up and may become too busy with their own lives to be available much. Over time, my aunt found that she was most happy about the fact that she lived so close to her daughter (not the Gkids).

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Welcome New Member! Glad you decided to join us! How kind of you to come in and share your info and observations w/ another poster!

 

Meanwhile, if that's your active email addy in your username, you might want to change it for greater privacy. If so, just click on  http://www.grandparents.com/profile or https://aga.grandparents.com/profile Then hit Edit Profile and make the change where it says Username. You must sign/log out and then sign/log back in again to make sure the change takes full effect. Please be advised that once your post or reply has been quoted, we cannot change the username in the quote even if it is your email address. Therefore, we recommend changing your username before you start a new thread or reply to another user’s topic.

 

If you do this, immediately, it will be obvious, of course. However, generally speaking please always let a moderator or administrator know if you change your name (just click on their name and then Send a Message and go from there. Or mention it in a post.) Thank you.

 

(Note: You are permitted to make 3 display name changes in a 30 day period)

 

Hope we see you more often! :)

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Hi Gracie,

 

I hope things are better for you now. I would say, if you are still worried about them, help as you are able. If they were living with you and you were helping financially by housing them etc., you will have more $ after they leave and so will probably be able to help them out if they need it. Other than that, there are many ways to stay in touch.

 

I do have an aunt who "followed" her daughter (one of several kids) and family when they moved to another state in order to continue to be close, and that worked well for them. But, that is a major decision and many people can't manage to do that even if they want to. My aunt was living alone at the time and felt that living close to family was the single most important thing for her. When the daughter & her family were very young, she was a help to them, but now that my aunt is older herself, she finds they are a help to her. Maintaining close and involved real iife relationships can be difficult, and can require a lot of sacrifice, but the rewards may be worth it. On the other hand, the grandkids will grow up and may become too busy with their own lives to be available much. Over time, my aunt found that she was most happy about the fact that she lived so close to her daughter (not the Gkids).

Welcome sfedorka,  you gave some good advice and like Rose I hope you come back more often,

 

Also  if that's your active email addy in your username, you might want to change it for greater privacy. If so, just click on  http://www.grandparents.com/profile or https://aga.grandparents.com/profile Then hit Edit Profile and make the change where it says Username. You must sign/log out and then sign/log back in again to make sure the change takes full effect. Please be advised that once your post or reply has been quoted, we cannot change the username in the quote even if it is your email address. Therefore, we recommend changing your username before you start a new thread or reply to another user’s topic.

 

If you do this, immediately, it will be obvious, of course. However, generally speaking please always let a moderator or administrator know if you change your name (just click on their name and then Send a Message and go from there. Or mention it in a post.) Thank you.

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Hi, I am new to this site, my husband and myself live 20 minutes away from our son and family, 2 grandchildren, aged 11 and 9, we have them stay over every 2 weeks and see them for different things in between. Recently they told us they were moving abroad, a 4 hour flight, plus a 4 hour journey our end to airport. I am deveststed, I keep crying and although I have not done this in front of the children, how am I going to stay strong when we have to say goodbye? Yes I can Skype, visit once a year, but when you have had them close how do you cope

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On 2/12/2016 at 7:57 PM, Baptistbev said:

Hi, I am new to this site, my husband and myself live 20 minutes away from our son and family, 2 grandchildren, aged 11 and 9, we have them stay over every 2 weeks and see them for different things in between. Recently they told us they were moving abroad, a 4 hour flight, plus a 4 hour journey our end to airport. I am deveststed, I keep crying and although I have not done this in front of the children, how am I going to stay strong when we have to say goodbye? Yes I can Skype, visit once a year, but when you have had them close how do you cope

My heart aches for you, Baptistbev! No doubt such a dramatic change is very difficult for GPs! I know it would be very hard for me to cope w/. It will take a lot of adjusting for you and DH, I'm sure.

I think it's very wise and loving of you to keep yourself from crying in front of the children. I don't think it will be wrong to cry a little when you're saying goodbye though. That's what people often do when someone is moving away and I don't think it's harmful for the kids to see that.... well, as long as you don't get carried away.In fact, they probably already know this is normal and would be surprised if you didn't tear up a little. If you feel you're about to go overboard, well, hey, you can always excuse yourself and go to the ladies room or something to pull yourself together.

As for coping w/ the move, for now, I can only say, you and DH are bound to have to do some adjusting. Please stay in touch w/ us and we'll try to help you get through. Glad you found us! Welcome!

Edited by rosered123
typo

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I am grateful I found this site.  I learned yesterday my son is moving his family (my 2 granddaughters 9 & 3 and grandson 2)  to Texas in July.  Right now we all live in northern CA.  I haven't stopped crying since.  I usually pick up my babies every other Friday on my way home from work.  I have their stuff all over my place.  I can't even imagine my life without them here.  I am a single Grandma & they are my life!

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Welcome norcalsyl.  I know that you will miss the grands something terrible.  Being single that will live a big gap in your life.  I know nothing can replace those warm hugs and sticky kisses, but with modern technology it is much easier to stay in touch now than it was 35 years ago when my parents lived over 500 miles away and all calls were charged by the minute.  

Maybe it is time to volunteer somewhere.  There are many groups needing assistance.  Call your local library for more information...maybe they know of some opportunities.

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4 hours ago, norcalsyl said:

I am grateful I found this site.  I learned yesterday my son is moving his family (my 2 granddaughters 9 & 3 and grandson 2)  to Texas in July.  Right now we all live in northern CA.  I haven't stopped crying since.  I usually pick up my babies every other Friday on my way home from work.  I have their stuff all over my place.  I can't even imagine my life without them here.  I am a single Grandma & they are my life!

I'm glad you found this site, too, norcalsyl! As you can see, there are many other GPs in your shoes.

It seems you are deeply involved w/ your grands. It must have been quite a shock to find out that they'll be moving so far away! My heart aches for you!

Sue has given you some excellent advice, though, IMO. If you take time to read around this forum some more (perhaps you already have), you'll see that there are many ways that LDGPs (long distance grandparents) stay in touch w/ their far away families. I realize that Skyping or FaceTiming won't be quite the same as picking the kids up from school or having them in your home. But it may help. You may want to look into these things before DS (dear son) and family relocate. You'll need to talk to him and DIL, of course, about what kind of contact will work best for them and if you can set up some kind of schedule.

You've only just heard the news, so I'm sure you haven't had a chance to discuss possible visits. You may find yourself looking forward to an extended weekend (or whatever) w/ them, as much as you do to seeing the children on Fridays.

I know it will take time to adjust, but I also know you will. Hope you keep reaching out to us, as you go through this process.

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