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not dealing with other grandparents well

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#1 scootergrandpa



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Posted 24 June 2012 - 05:31 PM

I am a single grandfather of 5 grandchildren. My ex wife is remarried and the "in law" grandparents are married. All the other grandparents are wealthier. We all live a distance from the the grandchildren. I have the least opportunity to see the kids and am not involved in the weekly visits since I am single and it is hard to arrange. I am really feeling left out and don't know what to do. Any advice?

#2 123456789



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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:58 AM

Be creative...and fun...your first goal should be to Skype....make. A schedule and get creative..props...funny hats,toys etc...the grandkids will remember you as the fun grand dad...and in the end isn't that what we really want is to leave a fond memory...good luck
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#3 rosered135



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Posted 26 June 2012 - 08:40 AM

Hi Scooter! So sorry that you're feeling "left out." If it's any comfort, please realize that it must be hard for parents to divide up visits among 3 sets of GPs, plus making time for the other activities that young families have (afterschool clubs and play dates for the kids, time with family friends, etc). Also, I'm not sure what you're being single has to do with the problem or the fact that the other GPs are "wealthier." I hope the parents aren't the kind that cater to GPs who can buy a lot for them and their kids or who help pay for this/that, etc. If so, I feel for you even more.

I'm not sure, either, how you know the other GPs (grandparents) are getting to enjoy "weekly visits." Is someone telling you this? If so and you find it hurtful, you might want to change the subject when they begin. You'd be surprised, though, how many GPs "fill in the blanks" with their own imagination, especially when they live at a distance and don't really "see' what's going on. So please don't take offense if I say that I hope that's not what you're doing - and that *if so,* please stop - you're only hurting yourself.

Regardless, I think that 123's advice is the way to go. I'd also add that I hope you have other interesting aspects to your life - friends, hobbies, etc. and that everything doesn't depend on your contact with family. If you don't, please think about pursuing a new hobby/interest now. Then again, if you have a favorite hobby you can, somehow, share with your GC (grandchildren), even from a distance or on occasional visits, please do. (If you garden, for example, always bring something from your garden. If you're into photography, bring some of your most interesting photos to show them or, with their parents' permission, take lots of photos of them.) Even if they're not that into it, right now, they will remember. As 123 suggests, the goal is to make your visits/contact with the GC memorable and fun.

Also, I'm wondering if you tend to wait for the parents to invite you to their home or if you ever ask them to come to your. You might be able to increase the amount of time you see them and the GC by inviting them to your home, now and then. If they decline, of course, I trust you know enough not to push. But now I'll shut up so you can go focus on some ideas for being that "fun grand dad" that 123 talked about! Though chances are, you're doing that, already! Best of luck and please let us know how it goes!
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#4 MeMetoo



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Posted 12 November 2012 - 03:39 PM

I agree with rosered...it's hard sometimes to not be the GP that is called for every event, but knowing that you can be the best when you do see the GC is most assuring to a happy life. Give back to them what you have in your heart...cooking, crafts, or just reading a good book to them in your own way....I have a Grandma bag that I started in hope that will be one thing they will remember about me....will be putting age appropriate things inside...not gifts just things that we both can do together...things they like etc., a book, a puzzle, or just photos etc.,

#5 tedybearnana



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Posted 18 November 2012 - 05:30 AM

hi scootergrandpa - i hope you're still with us - it's been june since you posted. have you tried the direct approach with the parents? is the wife or husband your child? i certainly understand some of your problems. dividing assets in a divorce, possible other financial difficulties - ex-wife remarried and doing well, financially, as well as 'the other' set of gps, also. you don't say how far away you live, but it's a distance - gas costs a lot these days and travel isn't easy. have you talked to your son or daughter about your problem and wanting to see more of their children? the skype thing is a good idea. i guess you have a computer as you are posting. if your computer is a newish one it may have a camera that came with it. if not, i don't believe skype costs very much and would be an excellent investment. it allows you to talk back and forth with the kids 'in person' for as long as you or they want to. one set of my grandparents lived about 120 miles away. i went by bus or train at a young age by myself to go visit them at Christmas and summer and spring break from school. my other grandparents lived in town and i got to see them all the time. in the meantime, the grandmother who lived a distance away came up with other ways to be involved. she sewed clothes for me (that i hated, i'm afraid) and i certainly remember that at age 64. she also baked and as my mother didn't, and my dad and grandfather both worked for a freightline, she would bake my birthday cake, put it in a container and had my dgf take it to work and put it on a truck coming to my town and my dad's work place. he brought it home that evening for my birthday. i don't suggest you bake cakes necessarily, but put your thinking cap on. i will repeat that i think your first move it to talk to your child (i'm hoping you have good relations with him/her) - ask if they have ideas on how to keep you close to your gk's. oh! one other thing we did - sometimes my gm met us halfway in a little town with a drugstore with a fountain and my parents drove halfway and my gm drove halfway to get me there and home. put your thinking cap on, but your first move in my opinion, is to have a chat with your child and see how receptive they might be to your ideas. (also, we don't know how old these gks are - i was sitting in the front seat, right behind the driver, by the time i was 6). good luck and i hope you see this.