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grannylinnieleelee

missing my grand daughters

14 posts in this topic

Ever since I was given an order from the judge that the right for visits case was dismissed I have been grieving and longing to see them so much my heart is forever broken!

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I to am missing my granddaughters. I have not gone to court over it cause from what I have heard the parent/parents have the last say. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have posted a link that maybe we could all get together and chat. see posts from Ginasmanyangels. There is a page on facebook for Grandparents with out grandchildren. they have a room were we could all chat. let me know please. I do hope things get better for you and you are in my prayers. Gina

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Any grandparent that takes a parent to court for anything other than to save a grandchild from abuse ( and lack of visiting grandparents or grandma does not get everything she wants is not abuse) deserves to never see the grand kids again

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You have not got the foggiest idea what I went through or am going through!! I totally disgree with you and from what you said sounds like you are very cold hearted grand parent!!! What or who gives you the right to judge me like that???? What is your problem anyway!! I don't intend to explain myself to you nor anyone else so if you do not have anything nice to say then please don't say anything!!!!

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to Ginaofmanyangels! You are quite right, the parents have the last say even if it is not the right choice and could be more detrimental to the grand children especially mine since I practically raised them from infants when the so called mother couldn't!! I used to actually go over to my son's house at his request to vacumm the house and change the diaper pailn which she had no clue as to what to do!! I even had to tell her to clean the mold build up on their sippy cups so they would not get sick and help her when the girls had serious constipation!! I was more than just a part time baby sitter! I bought most of their toys two of every thing and their clothes and special food they liked so when they came to my house which was every day they had something to eat as she did not bring anything for them!! They were at my house so much I ordered two special folding high chairs that I found online so I could fold them and put them in a closet when they were not at my house!! I would like to find out about the grand parents face book site so you can let me know ok? Thanks for your kind words!!

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Working in family court I know that most grandparent right cases end making everything worse. Unless the parents buckle and agree to an out of court settlement, the grandparents almost always lose and then the parents are vengeful.

I used to actually go over to my son's house at his request to vacumm the house and change the diaper pailn which she had no clue as to what to do!!

And was there a reason why your son had the ability to call his mother but did not have the ability to change the diaper pail in his own house?

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Wow.

*Slowly backs out of post*

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grannylinnieleelee, I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. But like Ginnie, I am curious about the dynamics of your son's household. Are they still married/together? Was he taking an active part in helping his wife/SO take care of your GDS? (ie: the diaper pail, the vacuuming of the home) What happened that you are no longer able to see them if I may ask - how did it end up in court? Typically, yes..in intact family's especially - it is my understanding that judges rule for the parents - especially if the adult child is in agreement that they do not wish for their child to visit with their parent. If you son is no longer with the mother and has visitation with his children - are you unable to see your granddaughters during his visitation? In that instance, typically grandparents are advised that they are to share their own child's visitation time.

I feel for you, I do - but further details would help us understand fully and offer advice.

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My heart goes out to you, granny! I know it's painful for any GP (grandparent) to be torn away so totally from their GC (grandchildren) and, perhaps even more so (if one can measure pain) when they've been deeply involved with those GC. As the "nanny granny" for my own 2 DGC, I know I would be devastated if, for any reason, I were ever so fully cut off from them!

In fact, I know some states tend to be more likely to grant visitation to GPs who have been deeply involved in the care of their GC, but yours, I imagine, is not one of them. Or, for whatever reason, the judge decided that you didn't have a strong enough case to warrant a visitation order. Either way, again, I feel for you.

I agree with PPs (previous posters), though, that "further details" would be helpful. Since your post was written a while ago, IDK if you're still reading or not. But if you are, I hope none of the questions are irritating for you and that you don't mind answering some or all of them. You certainly don't have to and I understand if it's too painful for you. But if you do, I think it really would help us to help you.

In fact, I'm also wondering if you can tell us why the case was "dismissed?" Was it for lack of evidence (in the judge's view)? Or b/c you didn't meet certain criteria (for example, some states require that the GP can show that the GC lived in their home 6 months or more, etc.)? Or was the court persuaded by arguments given by the parents? As PPs have indicated, if 2 parents in an intact marriage agree that a GP shouldn't see their children, that bears a lot of weight with the courts.

Regardless, I'm thinking your DIL may be embarrassed now that she depended on you so much when the kids were younger. Also, she may feel she didn't form enough of a bond with them, as a result, or truly establish herself as their mother/parent. Chances are, at some point, she decided to step up and then began to see you as a threat to her new efforts to bond with her kids and be their mom. I'm not saying that you, necessarily, were a "threat," just that she may have seen you that way. IDK, of course. I'm just feeling around for posibilities.

I'm also thinking that your DS' (dear son's) turning to you for help may have reflected a crack in their marriage, at the time, that has since been healed or is in the process of healing. That change, while fortunate for them, may have also led to their needing you less and even pushing you away. Again, clearly, I can't know; I'm just looking at possibilitiies.

Nor am I saying that any of that is "right." Just trying to help you understand, if need be, how this could have occurred. I know that won't make you miss your GDs any less. But, sometimes, I know it can be somewhat comforting to see that there's a reason why this happened, instead of it's all being a mystery. And sometimes, when one sees what caused the problem, one can begin to fix it. That's harder, I realize, if one has already taken the parents to court. But, IMO, in some cases, it's still possible.

But again, it has been a while since you wrote this. Any updates? Has anything changed? Be that as it may, I hope, eventually, you regain access to your GC and that your heart will not be "forever broken," after all... Peace...

@ Gina - My heart goes out to you, as well.... Peace...

P.S. This is usually a very supportive group so I was a little suprised to see the very harsh comment by hotmammapv. I'm sorry if you ladies found it hurtful. Although, I'm a GP.com moderator and have the designation of "Moderator" over my name, I'm not the mod who created and usually runs this group. And besides, that comment, also, was posted some time ago. So I'm not going to touch it. But I understand if it hurt you and I'm very sorry about that.

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hotmammapv's post may have sounded harsh but she has a point. Abuse is a good reason to take parents to court but things are not very clear when it comes to visitation and whether or not a court should decide this. I know I thought about legal issues when I was told I was not allowed to see my GC but there was some abuse going on and eventually DCS got involved anyway. There are many reasons for limited visitation including parents who just have a busy life and grandparents who have no life and too much time on their hands. I agree with PP who would be able to give better advice with more details like why the case was dismissed and other things that are going on.

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i agree that this post is rather old (April) - and granny doesn't seem to have come back to the room since. it seems that the poster has flown the coop - possibly because of the harsh words she received in reply.

rose, i don't think i can add much to what you said, except that i, too, am certainly very sorry for those of you who have lost their grandchildren. there are probably as many reasons for this happening to grandparents, many of them loving, caring ones, as there are families who are trying to deal with it. in the end, tho, for the most part the grandparent stepped on someone's toes somehow, or are a little unhinged themselves and jealous of the relationship their parent or in-law has with those gks. i'm sad for all of you who are dealing or have dealt with this issue. my suggestion, if it hasn't already been turned down by a court would be to find a local family law practicioner for a first time visit to get their take on how likely your state's judge might rule, depending on existing laws.

i think that this all bears out that most newbies (especially) aren't posting to receive a hateful answer - they are looking for answers and SUPPORT.

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I agree with you tedy bearnana. I have read several hurtful comments over the last year I have been here. I feel some are not grandmothers but mothers who are angry at grandparents. I wonder why they are so harsh. I have been frustrated with some posters. No one has ever been harsh to me. I am so thankful for the ones that have given me good advice, made me feel that they cared including you and rosered. I feel GP site should be a place without the harsh words. On this site I have liked the good advice, helping people think about a better way to handle a situation, giving a different prospective, making people feel that they were not alone in their situation and cared about. If someone disagrees it should be done in love not harsh words. There are so many grandparents and other people that hurt and this isn't a place to cause more hurt. I am thankful for all the posters that help others and myself. This is what it should be all about. Thanks to all the wonderful posters!!!

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unfortunatelly there are people that have some to this site are not people who have been in a place where we have, missing our grandchildren and there is no way they can understand where we are/were....they can have empathy and sympathy but that is it..We need to be gentle to each other. There are posters that join either to vent or talk and have been slammed and made a choice to leave the site immediately, based on what other posters have replied to. I had spoken to them on the other site after they left......I understand that people want to comment and give their opinion if they have not be in this position, but for them be disrespectful and hurtful, IMO is just plain wrong....

Sandy

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Thanks for the compliment, Cobalt! And I'm glad you feel you've gotten both a lot of good advice and support here!

Meanwhile, I understand what homeygfunk means when she says that "things are not very clear when it comes to visitation." And I don't want to put hotmammapv on the spot (though she seems to have been inactive, for a while). But I realize that in the Inappropriate Posts thread CA said she deleted a post that criticized a GP for taking parents to court over visitation and that this group was not the place for that kind of negative comment. And I notice that CA's comments were posted the same day as hotmammapv's. So I'm now thinking that may actually be the post CA deleted and it may have reappeared in the course of the relaunch. I've seen other items on the site, now and then, that I'm sure were deleted in the past so it could be. After all, it doesn't make much sense that she would have deleted one such post and left another, unless she just didn't happen to see it. I suppose we can't really know, unless she comes in and says something about it. And I don't think it takes anything away from homey's statement. Perhaps, it doesn't even matter at this point... FWIW...

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