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Sunshine1002

The 'Lemon Clot' Essay

61 posts in this topic

My midwife actually specifically stated not to worry unless clots were bigger than lemon sized. This was before I read this essay, and I'm fairly sure she never saw it since she wasn't very internet-savvy at the time. I think lemon sized clot is some sort of industry standard comparison, because the first time I read this I remember thinking "hey, that's just what the midwife said!"

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People bump up interesting or relevant posts. This post is old, but is a must have for all MsIL. Just because something is old does not make it less interesting or less relevant to each of us. I bumped up my own post this week. It was from a few months ago.

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"It was bumped because Sharon1964, the author of the essay, had found it posted here and was asking that it be credited to her when it is reposted. If you look at the first 2011 comment, you can see what she wrote." Read more: http://www.grandparents.com/gp/groups/group/Mothers-in-Law-Anonymous/discussions/thread142962/index.html#ixzz1ERkzxZjW I can understand a few months ago but a year and a half? Who has that kind of time to look that far back? Wow. Lemon size is still pretty good size for a blood clot. I definitely would be having that one checked if it happened to me. Big difference between a midwife and an OB-GYN MD. I've worked with both and there is no comparison.

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I completely agree about the difference in experience - the average midwife has attended far more vaginal births, and provided post-natal care for the same than an OB-GYN.

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How can I argue with a google search? Silly me. After you have worked with both for several years then we will compare real life experiences.

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You are right there is no comparison, having given birth using both because of complications, I was glad that I had my midwife there. Midwives are advocates for the patient far more so than an OBGYN in my opinion. When the OBGYN decided I needed an emergency c/s the midwife made him come back to me and explain how it would impact future births. To tell the truth I was at a point where I would have agreed to selling my first born just to stop the unending pain because I'd been in full blown pushing labour for hours with no result, ds was lodged in my pelvic region and while the midwife knew a c/s was the likely outcome, she still thought I should know all the ramifications and as my baby was not in distress there was the option of allowing me to continue, if I'd wanted to. The OBGYN rolled his eyes and told me in the most patronizing exasperated manner. A shameful way to treat another medical professional. But I find most specialists (and I've had a lot to do with them, particularly Orthopods) to be patronizing, aggressive and too egotistical to deal with patients concerns. My Orthopedic surgeon may well have been one of the best in the country, but I heard him yell at a pensioner and tell her she was being "stupid" because she asked questions. Now Orthopods are not OBGYNs but the dealings I had with them, are similar.

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"unending pain because I'd been in full blown pushing labour for hours with no result, ds was lodged in my pelvic region and while the midwife knew a c/s was the likely outcome" Read more: http://www.grandparents.com/gp/groups/group/Mothers-in-Law-Anonymous/discussions/thread142962/index.html#ixzz1ESSzhZqQ My point exactly. Thanks for clarifying what OB-GYNs know and midwives don't. Only by the grace of God and a knowledgable MD, your baby didn't suffer any consequences of being lodged in there for so long. If that's what being a patient advocate means, no thanks, I'll opt for the safety of my baby.

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It's been my experience that most doctors that are worth their salt are prima donnas. I think it goes along with having confidence in their abilities. If they second guess themselves they are not able to make necessary decisions. I personally don't care what their bedside manner is as long as they do their job properly.

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My point exactly. Thanks for clarifying what OB-GYNs know and midwives don't. Only by the grace of God and a knowledgable MD, your baby didn't suffer any consequences of being lodged in there for so long. Read more: http://www.grandparents.com/gp/groups/group/Mothers-in-Law-Anonymous/discussions/thread142962/index.html#ixzz1ET23OZ7X Actually I proved nothing of the sort. It was at the insistence of the midwife that the doctor do an internal, he just wanted to give me more drugs and insisted I wasn't pushing hard enough. Once he did the internal, he knew what the midwife already did and had been telling him for some time. But then it was the midwife who spent all her time with me, instead of treating me like a moron. Just because one has a lot of knowledge and spent years at University and Med school, doesn't entitle one to be an arrogant sod to his patients. I get their time is precious, God knows I'm paying for it through the nose! I know that doctors aren't nurses, they don't do the hand holding or the dirty jobs that come with patients and disease etc, you'd think seeing as they don't spend half their lives fetching and carrying bedpans, they could afford a little kindness and seeing as we pay for them, they could at least pretend they are listening to our concerns, after all who knows our bodies best?

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From my personal experience, this essay now feels slightly dramatic. However, it was a brilliant tool to use when trying to educate my husband on what could happen and why I only wanted people I was completely comfortable with until after I had recovered and had got used to my new baby. The graphic detail helps men understand what is otherwise an incomprehensible and emotionally loaded subject for them. DH wanted our mothers to come and stay for weeks, if not months after the birth (I think he suggested my mother coming for the first week and his mother coming for a whole month after that - to "share the joy" or some other such nonesense) taking cue from a friend and his wife whose mothers live much further from them and had them over to "help" for months after they had their baby. I told him if they came, they would be trying to muscle in and push him - and perhpas me - out. I said that I wanted him to be completely comfortable with baby before our parents came to visit for any extended length of time. Sure enough, when MIL came to visit (6 weeks after the birth for 1 week), she snatched the baby and started criticising every little thing DH did with baby, trying to "help" us with her superior mothering skills... Difference being that he was confident in what he was doing and could therefore stand up to her without feeling like he didn't know how to care for his own child. The friends who had their mothers over to help are still nervous about dealing with their own child. He won't sleep easily at night when one of the GMas aren't there to calm him and they seem to be having a hard time on their own now. I feel sorry for them and don't want to tell DH "I told you so", but, well...

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I want to qualify that by saying it's useful to have grandmas there to ask advice if you need any, but not to movet hem in to take over - in my experience, it knocks your own confidence in your ability to care for your child.

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Excuse me, I guess I misread your post. I took your wording to be just the opposite of what you now describe as happening. My mistake. I do know from real life experiences, not googling, I would 100 percent rather have an OB-GYN than a mid-wife.

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:::Shrugs::: My experiences taught me the opposite for low-risk pregnancies. The googling wasn't to debate midwives vs. OBs, but to show that OBs and the Mayo Clinic (which I thought would be a pretty reputable link) use the lemon clot as a rule of thumb for max size of clot.

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Should be required reading for all MILs, regardless of clot size.

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I think it accurately depicts the feelings following delivery. Personally I never had a clot that was golf ball or lemon sized. I do recall feeling utterly protective of my child, tired, sore and oozing from everywhere. The c/s never bothered me, I've heard of women who have awful pain etc. I was up and about the next day and it was hard for dh to hold me back. I'm sure it would horrify today's mothers that 6 days after ds was born I took him out to a fairground full of people and wandered around eating cotton candy and bf in public.

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To answer a question, no DH does not understand any of this. Did his mom, my MIL, "get it"---NO! This should be a "sticky" for MILs.

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I guess I don't understand. Why should this be required reading for MsIL? We wouldn't be MsIL if we had not BTDT. I think we all understand what it's like to give birth. We all have our own horror stories, if that's what you want to call them. I actually do not see it as a medical procedure unless c/s was required. Husbands may need to read this.

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Nibs, over 30 yrs ago when I had babies, my MIL had "forgotten" what it was like. My MIL wanted to "help" and she was no help. My MIL wanted to hold the baby as her form of "help", who does that? We ALL could use a refresher on how horrible childbirth is and understand if our DILs don't want us around for a few weeks or months.

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Great post!

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Gamam, My babies were born over 30 years too. Childbirth was not horrible,as you said, for me. It wasn't the most pleasant thing I've ever done, but for me the most fullfilling. I'm sure it was for you too. I'm sorry your experience with your MIL was not good. I'm sure there are hundreds of women who had very similar experiences. I had the other hand didn't have your experience. My mother and MIL swapped off a week at a time 2 weeks. They cleaned, cooked and did all those times while I took care of my new baby. I'm sure there are hundreds of women who had similar experiences as mine. We had different experiences. that doesn't make either of them wrong, just different.

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Yes we all come at life differently and many DILs and MILs could use these 2 posts (Lemon Clot and who Visits) to be able to cope if a baby is born. GREAT info.

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gramam, ditto!

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My DIL sent these to us prior to babys birth with the "I am having a baby" note. I could still remember the "lemon clots" but the second essay was more useful.

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PP, I gather you mean "Helping" in the second half of the post is worth the time to read, yes most of us have had clots, but the lists of ways to help (or not) is good info.

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