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Gamawh

My First Post and very likely my last!!!

124 posts in this topic

Everyone always wants people who don't kiss their *** to just "not read or post". Don't post if you don't like your responses.

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AMEN! Grammyof1. Some of the other posts were good also, however, yours was the short and to the point "post". Thanks for contributing.

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One word comes to mind when describing Gamwah and her comments - ARROGANT. Hows that nose bleed up there on your MIL SOAP BOX Gamwah? You must carry alot of weight on your shoulders, no? Seeing as YOU think YOU (or all MILs as it appears in your posts) are the SINGLE-MOST-IMPORTANT person in your sons life, his childrens lives, and his marriage. Heck it even seems like you project MILs being the SINGLE MOST IMPORANT person in the WHOLE FAMILY. You wouldn't want me as a DIL (or my SIL either) I don't roll out the red carpet OR give the royal treatment for my MIL, nor do I bow down to her "awesomeness" and "wisdom" as a woman.

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I have to jump in here as a MIL, being a MIL is the hardest job I have EVER taken on, it is a true "no win" situation. Our society encourages the difficult MIL concept, I have written to 2 major companies in the last 6 months to tell them I would no longer buy their product because of MIL bashing in their ad. One was McDonalds, the DIL felt she deserved a latte mocha because her MIL was coming to visit. The other was a bug spray and the bride told the groom bugs were better than MIL. So, hearing this, an immature girl is brainwashed before she is even married. I think the author of this OP is very close to right on target, you just keep your mouth shut and smile but don't take any abuse. A few DILs should try the same tactic. Just be nice, then go home and have a glass of wine. And DILs keep in mind the MILs are your chilren's grandparents, MILs, the DIL is the parent, for God's sake, make it work for the sake of those kids.

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PieBird I would just ask that you please don't generalize DIL's. Please. I was not brainwashed coming into my dating life or my marriage DESPITE having a MaternalGP that made my parents lives miserable. I have seen first hand the damage that a selfish person can do to their own "family." DESPITE that I always looked at anyone's mother that I dated or married as an oppurtunity to expand my family. I am an example of someone who has not been given that same curtsey. When I found out the man I was first engaged to was/ had cheated on me, his mother (whom I was extremly close to) told me I shouldn't try to change him and just love him for who he was. I was crushed that a mother would ever condone that behavior. Even that didn't stop me from trying to extend myself when I met my husband, as I wanted a good relationship. It is hard though to extend onself when after you get pregnant a "family" member no longer treats your choices and privacy as there own and begins to treat you like nothing more then a "baby breeder." Please keep in mind that not everyone makes choices on marketing, but many of us DIL's have come here becasue we have been deeply hurt as well. Please treat us as indviduals as you would like to be treated.

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Haven't had a chance to read through all the posts. But I want to answer 2Soon2C - My previous name was Fredigram - I AM Fredigram. Somehow got locked out of my account so had to sign up again with a new name. :-) Skimming throughm I see there were some curse words and some personal attacks which are not allowed on GP.Com. But I also see some apologiizing and restating so good for those of you who did that! And thanks to those of you who have managed to retain their cool! Everyone else, please chill. Glad to see, OP< that you appreciate the chance to vent. But I think this thread has gone on long enough. And that ii'ts time to let it go, everyone!

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DirtyDIL, I did not lump all DILs into one group, did you see the word IMMATURE? Did you also see that I said you do not need to take any abuse. Also, the American Media can do many things to your brain and you do not even know you are being "had", even when you are mature. I find that many statements are not read through on this forum, some read what they want a sentence to say and not what it really says. Or, some half read a post and then go off like a rocket. No wonder there are problems with relationships.

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This Post needs to be OVER!

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piebird i apologize for trying to politely express myself. I will refrain from trying to converse with you again.Have a nice day

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Don't let the door hit you...

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The 35 Symptoms of Menopause, I really feel for women with menopause because theres alot of changes for a womans body to go through in order to adjust to a new phase in her life, after she feels the loss of her child bearing years. The reason why these women, wish to invest there love and time in being with Grand-Children. This list of common symptoms that occur during perimenopause and menopause was developed from the real-life experiences of hundreds of women. All symptoms were experienced by numerous women and were either cyclical in nature, or responded to treatments (both traditional and alternative) known to address hormonal imbalances. Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes, clammy feeling (see note) Irregular heart beat Irritability Mood swings, sudden tears Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats) Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods, flooding; phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles Loss of libido & Dryness Crashing fatigue Anxiety, feeling ill at ease Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom (see note) Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion Disturbing memory lapses Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence (see note) Itchy, crawly skin (see note) Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons (see note) Increased tension in muscles Breast tenderness Headache change: increase or decrease Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea Sudden bouts of bloat Depression (see note) Exacerbation of existing conditions Increase in allergies Weight gain (see note) Hair loss or thinning, head, or whole body; increase in facial hair Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance Changes in body odor Electric shock sensation under the skin and in the head (see note) Tingling in the extremities (see note) Gum problems, increased bleeding Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in breath odor Osteoporosis (after several years) Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier Tinnitus: ringing in ears, bells, 'whooshing,' buzzing etc. (see note) NOTES: Symptom 1 (flashes) Hot flashes are due to the hypothalamic response to declining ovarian estrogen production. The declining estrogen state induces hypophysiotropic neurons in the arcuate nucleas of the hypothalamus to release gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) in a pulsatile fashion, which in turn stimulates release of luteinizing hormone (LH). Extremely high pulses of LH occur during the period of declining estrogen production. The LH has vasodilatory effects, which leads to flushing. Symptom 7 (loss of libido) For some women the loss is so great that they actually find sex repulsive, in much the same way as they felt before puberty. What hormones give, loss of hormones can take away. Symptom 8 (dry vagina) results in painful intercourse Symptom 11 (doom thoughts) includes thoughts of death, picturing one's own death Symptom 14(incontinence) reflects a general loss of smooth muscle tone Symptom 15 (itchy, crawly skin) feeling of ants crawling under the skin, not just dry itchy skin Symptom 16 (aching sore joints) may include such problems as carpal tunnel syndrome Symptom 22 (depression) different from other depression, the inability to cope is overwhelming. There is a feeling of loss of self. Hormone therapy ameliorates the depression dramatically. Symptom 25 (weight gain) often around the waist and thighs, resulting in 'the disappearing waistline' Symptom 29 (shock sensation) "the feeling of a rubber band snapping in the layer of tissue between skin and muscle. It is a precursor to a hot flash" Symptom 30 (tingling in extremities) can also be a symptom of B-12 deficiency, diabetes, alterations in the flexibility of blood vessels, or a depletion of potassium or calcium Symptom 35* (tinnitus) one of those physical conditions that seems to manifest in some women at the same time as menopause. It can be associated with health conditions such as hypothyroidism and heart disease, and is a known side-effect of many medications, including aspirin (salicylates) and Prozac. SOME OF THE 35 SYMPTOMS MAY ALSO BE SIGNS OF THE FOLLOWING: hypothyroidism diabetes depression with another etiology other medical conditions If you have reason to believe you may have one of these conditions, please see your doctor for treatment

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Gee Thanks, Love.

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Wow, all I can say is what a completely pitiable human being. (Before you read me the riot act OP and rant that you aren't looking for pity, clearly you are because you have that victim role down to a science.) Off to go toss a coin in a fountain and thank the stars that I don't have a MIL like this! Whew!

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I agree with Gramawh, good job, stick around!

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After reading thr u this discussion i think I understand now...DIL's know MIL's know more than they do, they are wiser, they know how to do so much and know so much about life and the world and raising children and they know so much about their sons! They are freaking out because they know this, but they want to convince their husbands otherwise. They need to undermine their MIL's because they are inferior!

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Theres nothing inferior about being a Mother, DIL/MIL or a Grand-Mother. Everybody has different ways of doing things that work or might not work. Or opinions of things that might work or might not work. Experience and Respect having nothing to do with age, or position, it has eveything to do with a persons attitude and circumstances.

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“After reading thru this discussion i think I understand now...DIL's know MIL's know more than they do, they are wiser, they know how to do so much and know so much about life and the world and raising children and they know so much about their sons! They are freaking out because they know this, but they want to convince their husbands otherwise. They need to undermine their MIL's because they are inferior!” Wow, how completely UnZen of you zengma. I give my MIL complete credit for knowing her son better than I did for the first 25 years of his life…however, for the last 17years I’ve slept in the same bed as the man….so I’m fairly sure she gives me complete credit for knowing the man he has become better than she does now. That doesn’t undermine her relationship with her son…I can never take away (and wouldn’t want to do so) the wonderful relationship they have. But give DILs a little bit of credit. We didn’t swoop in to steal your sons…. My MIL knows a lot more about a lot of things than I do…sure…. And I know a lot more about a lot of things than she does. It’s not a competition!! We SHARE that knowledge. And my MIL would never tell me how much more she knows about her son and raising children than I do. Because she respects me not only as a wife and mother, but as a fellow woman. ADULT woman. Not as a child that can be manipulated. I don’t need to undermine my MIL because neither of us is inferior to the other.

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**After reading thr u this discussion i think I understand now...DIL's know MIL's know more than they do, they are wiser, they know how to do so much and know so much about life and the world and raising children and they know so much about their sons! They are freaking out because they know this, but they want to convince their husbands otherwise. They need to undermine their MIL's because they are inferior!** Interesting "theory". I remember 3 other MILs who used to belong to this group with the SAME line of thinking....... And the MILs undermine the DILs because they don't like to FOLLOW someone elses rules or boundaries. Sorry to say but just because MILS are OLD doesn't make them "all knowing" or "wise" and INFERIOR to anyone esp the DILs. The way your wrote your post it makes it sound like the MILs are the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT group of people to EVER walk the face of this Earth. Or in SOME MILs cases they think they are the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in the family, no questions asked. Neither is the case.

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"After reading thr u this discussion i think I understand now...DIL's know MIL's know more than they do, they are wiser, they know how to do so much and know so much about life and the world and raising children and they know so much about their sons!" Apparantly zengma, you don't know how to avoid a run-on sentence. You also don't know your DIL's husband (your DS) as well as your DIL does. You're not very wise if you don't realize the more you try to control the more control will simply slip through your fingers. And people who really understand life and the world wouldn't spout such ridiculous rhetoric. And all you ever knew was how to raise your children. Not other people's children. So strike your GC off that list of children you know how to raise. They are her children not yours. "They are freaking out because they know this, but they want to convince their husbands otherwise." You wish this to be so. Wishful thinking. Once our husbands have to deal with their controlling mothers all by themselves with no buffers or shields, they don't need convincing. They can't take it either. " They need to undermine their MIL's because they are inferior!" You are intimating MILs have power and should have power in a marriage. There's no "undermining" because YOU are not the "castle". (And if you don't know what I mean you may want to re-think your wisdom level). The couple is the castle and you are talking like the underminer. Great analogy there but not the one you probably intended. I hope one day you see the light and become a much more pleasant MIL. Read more: http://www.grandparents.com/gp/groups/group/Mothers-in-Law-Anonymous/discussions/thread462413/index.html?page=12#ixzz148GZN0t0

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I think its intersting that each of the "attack posts" needed to resort to childish bashes (run on sentences? not very zen? etc...) Obviously (could we begin responding in a not quite so naive manner?) @ Blue Eyed , you seem to have the right kind of relationship and attitude with your MIL. I have not and would never tell a DIL that I know my son better or how to take care of children better! I am speaking to another sort of DIL. The ones who are fearful. @ Sunshine - I believe the children are the most important, I think Ive made that clear, here, and in my own life. @ Tightan; I do know more (at this point) about my son than my DIL does. I also sense some defensiveness in your response, did this hit home with you? Also : “ You are intimating MILs have power and should have power in a marriage” What? I have no idea what you’re saying.

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I don't think that any other comment on this site could rival the obnoxious and disgusting nature of that one, Zengma. Take a bow honey. You have really crossed a line. A MAJOR one. Shame on you. I am not inferior to anyone. I have been married for nearly 20 years so no freaking out over MIL in my case. I KNOW that I know my husband better than anyone in his life. And he knows ME better than anyone else. You are really a piece of work. Wow...just...wow.

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Zengma said: After reading thr u this discussion i think I understand now...DIL's know MIL's know more than they do, they are wiser, they know how to do so much and know so much about life and the world and raising children and they know so much about their sons! They are freaking out because they know this, but they want to convince their husbands otherwise. They need to undermine their MIL's because they are inferior! Posted by zengma on 11/01/10 at 11:56 PM __________ ~white flag waving~ Took me two days to read this thread. I'd just like to try making a point that I read. It seems like a lot of things get messed up between what a one person writes and what another person replies. Like the paragraph I pasted here. The person that replied said she was not inferior. I did not read what Zengma wrote to mean that the person that replied was inferior. I read that what Zengma was saying was that the way a DIL sees a MIL is inferior. I saw that a lot in this really long exchange. I also saw it in other posts. Please don't get mad at me.

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Lol Zengma. That was such a childless and stupid post. Really? All DsIL are fearful of their MIL's superior knowledge and are simply trying to brainwash their husbands? Noone actually believes this and if they do then they need a straight jacket. If you really have this attitude, then obviously you feel that a MIL really does know her child better than the spouse. You obviously feel that the MIL knows more. You are wrong. Plain and simple. There are certain sides to everyone that they simply do not show to their family. There are certain things that don't get told and behaviors that are not displayed. With a spouse, it is different. Spouses typically know eachother inside and out (unless there is some dishonesty and communication issues of course.) The spouses also move in together and spend all of their time together for the rest of their lives. It doesn't really take long for them to know eachother better than the rest of the world. This is part of the reason that spouses cleave to eachother and become eachothers priority. Honestly I think you have the reality reversed Zengma. It is NOT the DIL who is afraid of the MIL. It is the other way around. Of course I will not generalize though. I don't believe it to be this way for everyone, but typically, the DIL has nothing to fear from the MIL. She knows her husband best AND her children best. She has her own instincts and ways of doing everything. Who really has something to fear here? The MIL is the one who is paranoid about "losing" her son to the DIL.

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I read what OP wrote. Why are so many so hung up on a MIL knowing her son? I agree with what is written about a wife knowing her husband the best and visa versa. I don't want to risk defending OP but a lot has been written saying the DIL does not want anything from a MIL that is not asked for. Maybe she didn't know that. Bet she does now.

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