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RoseRed135

Longdistance "Tricks" and Tips

29 posts in this topic

What do you find to be the best way to stay in touch with /involved in the lives of your far away grandchildren? Would you suggest the same to other LD (longdistance) grandparents?

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I know a long distance grand parent that has stayed very close with her iPad and "Facetime". I am going to do this as well! It's worked great for them!

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Thanks MW! Those sound like great ideas!

Anyone else?

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All I can say is "Thank God for Skype".....if it weren't for that service, I think I'd go bonkers! All five of my grandchildren now live far from me, and I can only visit in person once in a while. Skype isn't as good as face to face, but it sure beats not seeing them at all!

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I also love skype and another online face to face is ooVoo. I have used both, but like Skype the best for clairty and clear color. Those that have ipods and can text is great.

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Thanks for your replies, ladies! Darrigale, we also have a thread here just on Skyping. (I'm going to make it a "stickypost"/pin it to the top). AT, I see you've already posted in it.

@All - Like homey, I'm wondering what FaceTime is? Can anyone explain?

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Anybody else?

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Thank you so much for the suggestions! I, too, am about to become a long distance grandma, and I am wondering about making the connection without being there consistently! I also work! Will not be able to babysit as I had once planned!

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Well, I have started typing so I might as well continue! My daughter who is high risk and having her first child in her mid 30's is very upset with me, because I once said I would babysit for her so she can return to work, because she feels she has too, and now I have returned to work at 59 because I have to! I feel she is being selfish and she feels I lied to her! She says I never wanted to watch my grandchild and I miss led her! I don't see the big deal about me watching her child, unless there is more to it and she is not being honest with me! There is always daycare for working moms and dads!I know now that things have worked out as they should, because like I said above we almost live in different states, and I would have to give up my apartment to move into her home! She is also married so I do not wish to become the mother-in-law from hell! I want a relationship with my coming grandchild, but I am also troubled about my relationship with my daughter. We have had some issues in the past, but I thought we had worked thru them. Now I am not so sure! Just needed to vent. Open to any suggestions! Be blessed!

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Vent away grannytobe! And I'm glad you're finding the suggestions here helpful. I'm sorry about the issue with your DD but, if I recall from your posts, elsewhere, she's very emotional, right now. And from what you're saying, problems from the past may be fueling her response, right now, too. (If that's the case, all the more reason why it would probably not be a good idea for you to move in with her.) I'm sure that, in time, she'll realzie that it isn't very realistic to expect you to babysit, under the present circumstances. In time, no doubt, she and your SIL (son-in-law) will figure out the childcare issue and she'll adjust. I'm just sorry that you have to deal with so many issues surrounding what "should" be a joyous time (and is, I'm certain, in many ways).

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P.S. If any of the past issues seem to have been regenerated, it may be due to her pregnancy and her heightened emotional state caused by her concerns about being high risk, etc.

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I youtubed myself reading Dr. Suess, singing off key, and doing puppet shows (note to self: Grand Holly will probably need therapy to address her underlying fear of puppets I unintentionally made worse by not checking with her Mum first).

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Very clever ideas, Sanctimommy! You sound like a delightful GM (grandmother)! :clapping:

Note to all: Please always check with parents b4 presenting kids with puppets or other "animated" characters! ;)

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I haven't been able to keep up in quite awhile, but with the holidays approaching and bad insomnia felt like I needed to catch up. My son has been gone for a year and a half and is planning to come visit for xmas. We last saw our little gd's before Halloween.  This was the 3rd year they spent with her family for Thanksgiving and it's been a rude awakening to what we believe is in the future. My daughters both feel that he could care less about our family now that he's working for his future fil and living in her hometown.It's rare for him to contact either one of them unless it's on fb. Both of my daughters have jobs and lives as well and seem to find the time for an occasional phone call. They see her family frequently which is always posted on fb. After they moved into their house (which her parents put the down payment on) we noticed many pictures of her family, but not one of ours. We get along fine with future dil and when we did spend a few nights with them took food, treated them out to dinner, watched the kids and left the place cleaner than when we arrived. How are we supposed to maintain and nurture a relationship with the girls if everything revolves around her family?    I'm glad he's adjusted, but we feel like we have to beg to even talk to the girls. This has been an ongoing problem and when we saw him in person I  had a heart to heart with him. I told him we'd like to come the weekend of Thanksgiving and was told that with Black Friday and everything going on it wasn't a good time. I work for the airlines and said I didn't have to come on a weekend, I could come during the week and give her a break to do shopping, errands, etc. He said we should just leave it that we'll see them at xmas. I know other gp have many fewer visits than we do, but this is still such an adjustment for us and waiting 2 months seems like an eternity! He also acted like it was no big deal and  said that gramma had to toughen up. I started getting creative when I'd start missing them so much, skyping rarely happens, it's like pulling teeth. It's so hard to have a phone conversation with a 2 year old that you can't understand on the other end, we're always asking the 4 yr old to interpret.   I started sending postcards whenever I have layovers in other cities and recently sent a letter with a self addressed stamped envelope so they could draw a picture and send it back to us, no response. We don't get acknowledgement when we send packages or any mail and have to practically track it down ourselves. How could I have brought 3 kids into the world and have one turn out who barely acknowledges his family. I keep telling myself it was the "drugs" and it affects their development so he'll come around someday. He told us it would be easier visiting them after they moved into their house, but after our recent conversation I don't feel welcome. I don't know whether I'm just so in love with being a gramma that I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped from my body, or I'm just overly sensitive. I brought my kids up to believe that family is the most important thing and would drop anything for them. I truly have made tremendous efforts to get myself more involved and connected with friends and family that are here, just don't know what else to do when my thoughts are consumed by my breaking heart. I loved sanctimommy's ideas and might give it a try, but like Skype, you need someone to show it to the little ones.

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I haven't been able to keep up in quite awhile, but with the holidays approaching and bad insomnia felt like I needed to catch up. My son has been gone for a year and a half and is planning to come visit for xmas. We last saw our little gd's before Halloween.  This was the 3rd year they spent with her family for Thanksgiving and it's been a rude awakening to what we believe is in the future. My daughters both feel that he could care less about our family now that he's working for his future fil and living in her hometown.It's rare for him to contact either one of them unless it's on fb. Both of my daughters have jobs and lives as well and seem to find the time for an occasional phone call. They see her family frequently which is always posted on fb. After they moved into their house (which her parents put the down payment on) we noticed many pictures of her family, but not one of ours. We get along fine with future dil and when we did spend a few nights with them took food, treated them out to dinner, watched the kids and left the place cleaner than when we arrived. How are we supposed to maintain and nurture a relationship with the girls if everything revolves around her family?    I'm glad he's adjusted, but we feel like we have to beg to even talk to the girls. This has been an ongoing problem and when we saw him in person I  had a heart to heart with him. I told him we'd like to come the weekend of Thanksgiving and was told that with Black Friday and everything going on it wasn't a good time. I work for the airlines and said I didn't have to come on a weekend, I could come during the week and give her a break to do shopping, errands, etc. He said we should just leave it that we'll see them at xmas. I know other gp have many fewer visits than we do, but this is still such an adjustment for us and waiting 2 months seems like an eternity! He also acted like it was no big deal and  said that gramma had to toughen up. I started getting creative when I'd start missing them so much, skyping rarely happens, it's like pulling teeth. It's so hard to have a phone conversation with a 2 year old that you can't understand on the other end, we're always asking the 4 yr old to interpret.   I started sending postcards whenever I have layovers in other cities and recently sent a letter with a self addressed stamped envelope so they could draw a picture and send it back to us, no response. We don't get acknowledgement when we send packages or any mail and have to practically track it down ourselves. How could I have brought 3 kids into the world and have one turn out who barely acknowledges his family. I keep telling myself it was the "drugs" and it affects their development so he'll come around someday. He told us it would be easier visiting them after they moved into their house, but after our recent conversation I don't feel welcome. I don't know whether I'm just so in love with being a gramma that I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped from my body, or I'm just overly sensitive. I brought my kids up to believe that family is the most important thing and would drop anything for them. I truly have made tremendous efforts to get myself more involved and connected with friends and family that are here, just don't know what else to do when my thoughts are consumed by my breaking heart. I loved sanctimommy's ideas and might give it a try, but like Skype, you need someone to show it to the little ones.

Welcome back sillygrammatoo,  I have found with my own DS and also from reading on this community for a few years that it isn't that our DS's don't like family they just don't put the importance on visiting like women do.  I used to call my MIL every weekend and talk to her my DH said what on earth do you talk about I could never talk to her that much, I told him all I had to do was say hi and a uh huh every once in a while she kept the conversation going. My point being that men do love their families they just don't show it like women do, and also now a days it seems like the reality is that each take care of their FOO.  So that might be why DIL doesn't respond to you, she figures it is her DH's responsibility.

 

I have had trouble getting my DS to skype and Facetime with me also, I know they are busy with their work and raising GD so don't have as much time as I do to do these things.

 

As far as her family try not to think about  what they are getting, just concentrate on the time you get to spend with the GD's, it only makes us feel worse if we dwell on what others are doing or getting.

 

Hope you enjoy your visit this month, my DS, DIL and GD are coming home for a week too, am really looking forward to their visit.

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Good to see you siilygram! I'm sorry that you, DH and your DDs are feeling so left out by DS! I know that must really hurt.

 

I agree with everything critter said, though, and just want to add one or two things. First, if it's any comfort, I find that a lot of young people, today, relate, mostly, via FB. Even though your DDs "find time for an occasional phone call" - how lovely! - that's just not everyone's style, IMO. DS may simply feel more comfortable interacting on FB and may not see any need for anything else. That's not a measure of how much he cares about your family, necessarily, just of how he views communication. I strongly suggest that you and yours avoid reading offenses into someone's preferred form of communication.

 

Secondly, as I'm sure you realize, it's no surprise that they see DIL's FOO (family of origin) so much, since they live in the same town, etc. But did you ever stop to think that, perhaps, DS feels compelled to give them a lot of time since he works for FIL and he and DIL moved into a house that his ILs helped pay for? If he seems to be trying to space your visits a couple of months apart, it may be b/c he's "up to here" in relatives and needs to give himself some "breathing space," no offense. Not that he doesn't enjoy his ILs - or you and your family - I'm sure he does. It may just be that he needs/wants more time just for himself and his own family unit.

 

Last but not least, as far as Skyping is concerned, chances are, it will get better as the kids get older. Though, BTW, I think it's adorable that the 4 can and does "interpret" the 2's words for you! As with many LDGPs, it may take you more time and effort to develop a relationship with DS' kids. . But I have every confidence that you will.

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Thanks to both of you lovely ladies, coming on the website brings me back to reality. I know I need to practice what I preach and what I've also learned from other GP's. I have so much to be grateful for and thankfully have learned to bite my tongue and craft long winded responses in my head, rather than put it in writing, which could end up creating hard feelings. I know it's true that things will improve when the DGD are a bit older and able to actually pick up a phone and contact us by themselves. We spoke a few weeks ago and the first thing out of the 4 yr olds mouth was, "Gramma,  I miss you". !That melted my heart! didn't mention that you have to peel her off of me when we leave or drop them off from a visit. That was my son's reason for waiting until xmas for another visit. He said it takes them at least a day to get Olivia back to normal, although I fail to understand why spacing visits further apart is a solution and have no idea how to address the topic. I am just looking forward to our xmas visit and hope we have a chance for a mother-son heart to heart. Thank you for all the insight and Merry Christmas to all!

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Thanks SGT! Same to you! Hope you come back in and let us know how that visit goes, if not b4!

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  • I'm new to this when page .it seems all the he posts and conversations are very old...am I missing something.....

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@ Kathryn - Welcome! I'm not the Lead Mod of this group - she's recovering from an illness - but I think I can answer your question. Yes, in a sense, you are "missing something," a couple of "somethings," actually. :) Many of the conversations pinned to the front of this forum are old b/c they're intended to be ongoing. If no one has commented in them for a long time, then the posts you see may be very old. But new ones can always be added. In fact, do you have any long distance tips to add here?

 

Also, if you look further down the front page, below the threads marked "PINNED," you'll see that there are many conversations that were begun more recently. Or, again, that were created a while ago but were intended to be ongoing and, as such, have some recent entries (such a "FaceTime," for example). And, of course, please feel free to start one, yourself - just go back to the front page of the group, click on Start a Topic and go from there.

 

How does a poster know if a thread was meant to be ongoing? Most threads begun by a moderator are, especially if they're the Lead Mod of the group. Otherwise, it's best to check with a mod first.

 

Regardless, looking forward to hearing from you some more!

 

ETA: BTW, not sure what "when page" means - or is that a typo?

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Some, yes, but lets visit more often in here.  I think it is a great place and can get better.  HI, I have 4 grandchildren.  One is far away, so I came in here to look for some comfort, but also printed the Easter coloring pages for the three that I will see today.

 

I am just happy that I made the move from Ohio back to Oregon, after being away, going through a divorce, working to get a job out here.  At least I am now closer and my son moved even closer to me after a while!  He's got a better job, but I have only temp work.  Two years I have been searching for a permanent job.  That was the price I have paid for getting my own way about being nearer the children, lol!

 

Have a great day, hope you are with yours or feel comfort from this group if not near your family.  Take care,

 

Kathee :give_rose:

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Welcome Kathee60,

 

Sorry I wasn't here to welcome you sooner, but was in the hospital and am still recovering. 

 

I agree this site has a lot of good ideas to help us keep in touch with our long distance GC.   Hope to hear more from you.

 

Critter21

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Hi all, my son and his children moved to Australia 10 years ago, I speak every Sunday and Skype when they are aloud to, but it isn't easy copping even now, I have been over most years to visit but nothing can make up for being in grand kids lives every day.

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Welcome Kathleen! And thanks for sharing! No doubt, you and DH (dear husband) will always feel somewhat of a void, regardless of what you do. I get that and I'm so very sorry. If it's any comfort, please realize that even if they were here and you say them more often, you probably wouldn't be "in grand kids lives every day," unless you were there daily caregiver. Meanwhile, it's good to hear that your relationship is good enough with the parents that you are able to stay in regular contact.

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