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Tinka

If your MIL or DIL was a co worker

25 posts in this topic

Thinking about some of the recent posts, would you like your MIL or DIL if they were just a co worker or an acquaintance? Without any family ties that muddle up relationships between the two, could you see yourself as friends?

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Nope. Even when we got along, I made as big of an effort as I did because she is DH's mom. To be fair, she probably wouldn't be friends with me either because she does not have friends, she only hangs out with her sisters and her mom.

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Friendly acquaintances maybe.Just like I am with her parents we only get together the first night our kids come home we do not interact otherwise. That is kind of the relationship I have with my DIL we are friendly when we see each other just don't see each other often. Actually I feel closer to my NIL, but they are different people and were raised differently I guess that is where cultures come in

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It's hard to say. Professionally, there are things I admire about my MIL, and she and I are actually in the same industry.

But I can see a LOT of her habits driving me NUTS as a co-worker but I don't know if she does them TO her co-workers. Like, constant lateness. I had to discipline a subordinate for this earlier this week. It's completely unacceptable to me in a workplace and it drives me batty when people have no respect for other people's time. It is also a management philosophy of mine that favoritism causes a lot of tension in the workplace, so I avoid it Like The Plague...whereas MIL has a golden child.

In other words, it depends if she has a "work face" and "family face" and I'm just unlucky enough to be family....

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xDIL - No, not friends but I would admire her for her work ethic and talent. She really is good at what she does.

ODS/GF - We were friends before they started dating, not good friends but I have known her almost her whole life and have gone to church with her and her kids for the last several years. If something were to happen and she and DS broke up, I am positive we would still be friends. I talk to her several times a week and see her 2 or 3 times a week and most of these times ODS is not even mentioned. She is one of the best Mom's I have ever known.

YDS/GF - I would think if she and I worked in the same office, we would get along well. I doubt we would be inviting each other over for dinner, but as work friends or even Church or volunteer friends, yes.

Funny story, I got an e-mail from a friend that has a son same age as ODS, attached was a picture of ODS and GF when she was in 9th grade and he was in 8th grade. They were at a track meet and T twisted her ankle, ODS was carrying her off the track. I remember when this happened, but never put it all together that it was her, etc., etc. Anyway, they both will be getting a copy of the pic, all cleaned up by my niece with photoshop, framed for Christmas. A really cute pic with her arms around his neck and both grinning at the camera.

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Actually, I think I would. Daughter in law has many good qualities. I think she takes her work seriously, and is very conscientious. She seems to be a hard worker.

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I wouldn't but that is because our personalities are so different that even as co-workers we wouldn't mesh.

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MIL - no. She is the type of person where if something goes wrong, or there is an issue, it is always someone elses doing. She could never say I made this mistake now how do I fix it or how do we solve this issue quickly no matter how it happened(something that is important in my work). She is always looking to blame someone else. She also plays dumb - annoying!

DS/GF - yes, I could see her as someone I could work with. She is more inclined to work with others as part of a team and doesn't seem to need to be told how wonderful she is doing something. She just does her best the best she can.

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Eowyn, do you think some of your difficulties with MIL have to do with being in the same industry? Perhaps some competitiveness? Just some food for thought.

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Eowyn, do you think some of your difficulties with MIL have to do with being in the same industry? Perhaps some competitiveness? Just some food for thought.

Not my difficulties...one of my big disappointments though. When DH (then boyfriend) told me what his mom did I was SO EXCITED to meet her, because it's really not a woman heavy field, and I had the impression that people who did that job were empathetic and tolerant and really dedicated. It's been part of the grieving process.

No competitiveness, because at 26 I'm further along than she was at 46. In that regard I owe a great deal to her and women like her who were poking holes in the glass ceiling of the industry before I was born.

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Actually, for many years, my MIL and I were co-workers in the sence that we both 'worker' on the family farm. Sometimes we worker side by side and sometimes she watched the kids while I do manual labor.

She was a tyrant just as she tried to be as a MIL. I didn't let her walk all over me and she didn't really like it, but what was she to do, Hubby was the main source of 'labor'. I drove many miles with FIL riding shotgun. He was a quiet man who I got along with very well. After his passing, it wasn't long until I do a complete and total CO and then she moved without telling us or giving us her new addy or phone number...what a blessing quite was.

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We definitely would not be friends...absolute opposite personalities. I am very private. MIL has to tell you every single detail about herself and her day...and I mean EVERY SINGLE DETAIL, like which way the wind was blowing when she woke up and the colour of the rock on the side of the road when she took the dog for a walk. It's exhausting! I think she is finally learning that I do not divulge details of my life. And maybe the reason why I treat her like "company," as I mentioned in my other post, is because would rather keep our conversations light and pleasant with good manners.

If she was my co-worker, I think I would quit my job. She is late for everything. Every time she comes over to visit, she is always at least a 1/2 hour late. No consideration for the baby's schedule at all. She also has no time management skills. MIL never worked. DH says when growing up and living at home, he never really knew what she did all day because nothing ever seemed to get done. One day, while I was pregnant, we went over to their house so DH could help FIL with something in the basement. MIL said she needed to switch over the laundry. I sat there all by myself for 45 minutes. She spent all that time putting 1 load of towels out on the line to dry. It takes her sooooo long to complete any one task, which is probably why she is always late coming over for her visits.

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I'm pretty sure everyone has had a coworker like my MIL at some point in their lives. She is that lady who has a deep smoker's voice, who hates everything. Like if you go chat with her on break, she will tell you exactly how management is out to mess with everyone (little less politely) and talk about all the young people who kiss up who will soon be management because they are young and kiss up. And truthfully, I probably would have gotten along with her. THAT person always amused me at different jobs. Would we have been pals outside of work? No. And I'm pretty sure I would have been like "Glad I'm not her DIL."

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I'd actually like my MIL less if she was just a co-worker. It's because she's my DH's mom that I make such an effort to see the things she does in the best possible light (and I also make sure not to have to count on her for anything so that a lot of her behaviours can reframed as 'quirks' instead of annoyances) If she was a coworker, I'd probably avoid her like the plague. (sigh) It's kind of depressing to put that into words. I think I'm still working on my mismatched expectations : )

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I'd actually like my MIL less if she was just a co-worker. It's because she's my DH's mom that I make such an effort to see the things she does in the best possible light (and I also make sure not to have to count on her for anything so that a lot of her behaviours can reframed as 'quirks' instead of annoyances) If she was a coworker, I'd probably avoid her like the plague. (sigh) It's kind of depressing to put that into words. I think I'm still working on my mismatched expectations : )

I think I would feel the same about my DIL.

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My DIL has a great work ethic so in that aspect we would get along. I think I would be fine working with her but I doubt that we would get together after work. We have different interests. Though if she had gone to the same high school as my children I would have probably seen her and she would have possibly spent time at our home because they had the same interests.

MIL - No not friends. She is a whiner, never sees the good in anything, and no one, not even her own children can do anything good enough to please her. Those qualities make me crazy!! Though I think because I just leave the room and piddle around in the kitchen when she starts that stuff she likes me better than her other DILs. Go figure.

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Hahahahahahahaha!!! I couldn't imagine being a co-worker to my DIL so honestly I can't answer that question. Now on a more serious note, if it weren't for her place in ODS life, no we would not be friends....heck I don't really know if you could classify us as friends now. I don't hate her and I respect the position she holds in ODS life. We don't do things together that friends would do, we don't talk on the phone like friends would do....I don't really know what our relationship could be seen as except MIL/DIL TBH. At one point I really would have liked to be friends with her, but now I just don't worry about it one way or another anymore.

MIL yes, I think we would be very much still like friends. We used to have card night (old age has taken a toll on that and boy do I really miss those times with her). We talk on the phone every so often. I have coffee and visit with her at least once a week. She's the one that I "hang out" with the most at DH FOO get-togethers.

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Good question. You know, I've occasionally posted that if my MIL was an acquaintance or co-worker, we'd probably get along. But it depends, would she be in a different department, but we'd work on projects together? Or the same department (or, cringe, same office)? Is her position superior to mine, or the other way'round?

She's 70 now and has a lot of wisdom about managing customer relations, but her work habits haven't been that great for awhile and she doesn't intend to retire for awhile. She'll make mistakes and get defensive and/or not apologize, so that's a problem.

One of the most confounding episodes happened about, what, maybe six years ago? She's a travel agent, but frankly, she negotiated her job at this new firm to include an ungodly amount of vacation time, and also spent "sick days" traveling to GK things, shopping, etc.

Anyway, DH and I were talking to them because MIL was asking for career advice...crying, carrying on, while FIL expressed outrage at her agency.

All of a sudden, her agency wanted to give her desk to someone else, and relegate her to a part-timer's desk in the back. She was floored and fearful. And for some reason, FIL was telling her to "negotiate" with management the terms under which she would work in the back desk in the future-- when they had already told her they'd been close to firing her, but this was there way of pulling back and giving her a chance to make some money...

I can't remember what we advised her, other than not to alienate management further by pretending to "negotiate" her new terms of employment. DH did ask her about retirement at this point, and MIL assured him she'd be dead before she reached retirement age. Just delusional.

One thing I imagine her coworkers do not know, is that at home, she makes bigoted comments about them. She calls them the "__" at work, and then makes a stereotypical remark about how all of them spend and perceive money. DH just asked her again to stop doing it around him last weekend.

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As I've mentioned, previously, MIL seemed to be very popular with her co-workers. So I imagine that if I worked with her, I would have liked her, too. I think that, at work, her MO was "get along with everybody," as far as social relations were concerned, whereas, in the family, it was more about getting everyone else to think and do things her way, even her DIL. Big difference.

I don't have a DIL, of course, but I can picture working with my SIL (son-in-law), too. I think he's great as a person, SIL and DH to ODD - I can't think of anything that would make me dislike him as a co-worker. :)

As for my XSIL, IDK. We always got along ok but I know he can be on-again, off-again when it comes to responsibility. Maybe not on a job though. As long as I weren't his XMIL and my YDD wasn't the one he hurt, we'd probably get along ok.

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MIL, yes. She was a good tutor on ranch life and running a home.

FIL, yes. He was a hard worker and ridiculously funny, passed young, thus DH had to move back home.

DIL 2, yes. She is a sweet woman and a very very good mom.

DIL 1, no. She is a self-centered woman.

SIL 1, yes. He is a hard worker, an all around nice guy, and a great dad.

SIL 2, verdict is still out.

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MIL-yes

Mother- no way!

Dil 1-probably she does put on a good public face

DIL 2- yes

DS 1- no way he's too bossy

DS2-no we are too much alike

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It's so strange to me that I feel like without any family ties, my MIL and I might actually get on. I don't know about working together, she is chronically late and disorganized. But without all the family drama, I could see us being able to have lunch or go on a shopping trip.

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Both of my DILs: Would be good co-workers

DD: Much as I lover her not so much

DS1: Maybe

DS2: Maybe

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Hmmmm....probably at first we'd get along ok, and maybe if we didn't have a ton of direct contact where my work was dependent on hers or vice-versa. If we were only casually connected at work we'd probably be ok. But I think having to work with her closely would make it evident how she really operates. MIL maintains a really pleasant, slighly dumb and very accommodating facade with non-family members. But MIL is way, way, WAAAAY more conniving and savvy than most people give her credit for, and she manages to completely undermine and backstab with a smile and a chirpy voice. I'd probably end up being gaslighted for some time and then discover either she'd have to go or I would.

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If I could have been my MIL's co-worker, we would have gotten along great. We had our ups and downs when she was alive but wewere both very forgiving people. We didnt let the little things bother us.

My FIL? I think i could have worked for him, but he owned a auto body shop so it wouldnt be my cup of tea.

DIL #1? No way!!! I am usually relieved when she leaves after a visit!

DIL #2? Yes, I could work with her anyday.

DIL # 3? We could work very well together. Being in the same field, she's a social worker, me a foster parent (although not for her county)

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