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RoseRed135

Are YOU a Longdistance Grandparent?

232 posts in this topic

Hello,

I just joined this site today. I am a longdistance grandmother, I have three grandchildren but the two oldest ages 6 and 4 are currently back in the state in which I reside. The third is born to my son and his ex-girlfriend. They both resides in two different states. He hasn't set up child support for his son but he wants to be in his child's life. The mother comes from a wealthy family and her parents have been really supportive in helping to take care of this precious chlid. I went to see him for the first time in April of 2012. I want to have a good relationship with the mother, but there seems to be a wall between us. During my visit last year, I had a chance to meet the maternal grandparents. They are really nice people and just recently I felt led to get in contact with them concerning their daughter. I had been trying to get in contact with her and she stopped  responding to my calls I contacted her mother and was surprised that she sympathizes with me. I told her my concerns as a long distance grandmother and all I want is to have a good relationship with her daughter. I want so much to be in my grandson's life. 

All I want is to have live chat sessions and be able to talk to the both of them. This young lady is a great mother and is doing an excellent job taking care of this baby. This baby was born with some challenges due to premature birth. As I stated the mother is doing an amazing job taking care of this child. I often tell her this, but again there is a wall there. I am trying to break the ice and want her to get to know me as well. I don't care for text messages when I want to talk to her. WE both agreed to live chat sessions where I can see my grandson and just talk.This hasn't' happened yet. Still waiting on her response. I don't think I'm asking much. I don't want to come across as meddiling and she is not seeking child support from my son. She talks to him too but not like she did when she first had the baby. I want him to do the right thing and not just take gifts and money when he goes to see his son.

Any pointers on not being a meddling grandma and how to break the ice between the mother and myself? :sorry:

Hello rb11957, welcome to the group.  

 

Hopefully some other long distance GP's can chime in with ideas.

 

I get to see my GD who is 7 about once a year or less they live over 12 hours away. We used to Skype but since they moved the first of January we haven't been able to, she doesn't like to talk on the phone to busy playing so I get little snippets of conversation from her as she comes and goes as DS and I are talking. I don't like texting either I would rather talk also.

 

Maybe she hasn't had a chance to get it set up yet, you mentioned the Baby was born prematurely and has some challanges.  My DD is 44 and was born with several birth defects and speaking for myself she does take a lot of extra care above what a normal baby took. She might just be overwhelmed right now and need some time.Seems like she was ok with your coming to visit.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with her Mother.

 

 I guess my advice would just be patient . Which I know is easier said than done.  

 

My DIL is a great wife and mother to DGD, she is civil to me but I just can't get close to her these forums have helped me to see I had to change my perspective because we were never going to have the relationship I wanted and had with my MIL. So I just stepped back and she is a little friendlier now.

 

Hope things improve soon, and happy to have you join us. Critter

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Thanks, critter, for pointing out the Guide to Acronyms in MIL Anonymous.

 

For what it's worth, people, there are similar guides in Club Newcomer and Grandparents Caring for Grandkids.

 

@ rbl - I'm not a LDGP so I can't say that I know how you feel. But I've read about similar MIL/DIL relationships, on these board, and I just want to echo critter's advice to "be patient."  Although I know those live chats would mean a lot to you, the mom may just have too much on her mind, right now, for obvious reasons, to think about setting them up. Or, I'm sorry to say, to focus on developing a closer relationship with anyone outside of her nearest and dearest. The fact that the MGM (maternal grandmother) is sympathetic to you is a good sign, IMO. But I doubt she can do much to get her daughter to change her perspective.

 

Meanwhile, even though you don't like texting, if the mom seems to favor that way of communicating with you, at the moment, I suggest you go with it -better than nothing, etc. But mostly, I recommend that you back off, as hard as that may be (as critter said, I know it's "easier said than done"). The mom knows what you want and hopefully, she'll get to it soon enough.  When you're really feeling frustrated about it, better to vent here, IMO, instead.

 

Like critter, I'm glad you found this group and "hope things improve soon."

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Hello rb11957, welcome to the group.  

 

Hopefully some other long distance GP's can chime in with ideas.

 

I get to see my GD who is 7 about once a year or less they live over 12 hours away. We used to Skype but since they moved the first of January we haven't been able to, she doesn't like to talk on the phone to busy playing so I get little snippets of conversation from her as she comes and goes as DS and I are talking. I don't like texting either I would rather talk also.

 

Maybe she hasn't had a chance to get it set up yet, you mentioned the Baby was born prematurely and has some challanges.  My DD is 44 and was born with several birth defects and speaking for myself she does take a lot of extra care above what a normal baby took. She might just be overwhelmed right now and need some time.Seems like she was ok with your coming to visit.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with her Mother.

 

 I guess my advice would just be patient . Which I know is easier said than done.  

 

My DIL is a great wife and mother to DGD, she is civil to me but I just can't get close to her these forums have helped me to see I had to change my perspective because we were never going to have the relationship I wanted and had with my MIL. So I just stepped back and she is a little friendlier now.

 

Hope things improve

Thanks so much for responding to my post. I have to remember that taking care of a baby is very time consuming and you really don't have much time for yourself. She is a very young mother and she is doing a really great job of taking care of my lil guy. 

Thanks again for the encourgement.

rbl1957

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Thanks so much for responding to my post. I have to remember that taking care of a baby is very time consuming and you really don't have much time for yourself. She is a very young mother and she is doing a really great job of taking care of my lil guy. 

Thanks again for the encourgement.

rbl1957

You're welcome,

 

I'm glad you see the need for patience, she could be getting overwhelmed maybe things are just starting to catch up with her.  It can't hurt that you are friends with her Mom.  Just be careful that she doesn't think you are ganging up on her.

 

I have learned that the only expectations we can change are our own.  Hang in there and don't pressure keep busy with other things and hopefully you will get a little of what you want.

 

You said your DS goes to see the baby, could he video chat with you while he is there?  I know it wouldn't be as often as you want but it would be something.

 

How old is your GS?   Are you close to your other 2 GK's?  

 

Hopefully a little patience will get you the visits you want.

 

 I haven't been in your situation even though I am a long distance GM, but my heart goes out to you, please keep coming here to vent and ask for advice and I am sure you will feel better.  There are a lot of great GP's,MIL's And DIL's on this site. They have helped me a lot.

Critter

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Hello, it was heart warming to read how each of you are missing your grandchildren.

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Hello, it was heart warming to read how each of you are missing your grandchildren.

Welcome hugswithlove are you a long distance Grandparent?

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You're welcome,

 

I'm glad you see the need for patience, she could be getting overwhelmed maybe things are just starting to catch up with her.  It can't hurt that you are friends with her Mom.  Just be careful that she doesn't think you are ganging up on her.

 

I have learned that the only expectations we can change are our own.  Hang in there and don't pressure keep busy with other things and hopefully you will get a little of what you want.

 

You said your DS goes to see the baby, could he video chat with you while he is there?  I know it wouldn't be as often as you want but it would be something.

 

How old is your GS?   Are you close to your other 2 GK's?  

 

Hopefully a little patience will get you the visits you want.

 

 I haven't been in your situation even though I am a long distance GM, but my heart goes out to you, please keep coming here to vent and ask for advice and I am sure you will feel better.  There are a lot of great GP's,MIL's And DIL's on this site. They have helped me a lot.

Critter

Hi 

Just received the book from Susan Hoffman called "A Precious Bond". I had posted recently that I had contacted the maternal grandmother of my grandson concerning the mother about not hearing from her concerning my grandson. As I had previously stated in past posts, my son and this young lady are not married and both have moved on, but my son is still trying to be in his son's life. Susan pointed out some do's and dont's in her book and one of the dont's involves triangulation. I had emailed the maternal mom and the mother has since contacted me via phone not texting but I haven't heard anything from her since. I think she may be upset with me for contacting her mom and her mother did get on her for not responding to my messages, and phone calls.  I feel I need to write a letter of apology for involving the maternal grandmother and may have overstepped my boundaries. In other words I was trying to appeal to her parents to talk some sense into their daughter.Susan stressed in this book this is a third party assistance and is not wise.Do you think writing her a heartfelt letter of apology may help?

rbl57

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Hi 

Just received the book from Susan Hoffman called "A Precious Bond". I had posted recently that I had contacted the maternal grandmother of my grandson concerning the mother about not hearing from her concerning my grandson. As I had previously stated in past posts, my son and this young lady are not married and both have moved on, but my son is still trying to be in his son's life. Susan pointed out some do's and dont's in her book and one of the dont's involves triangulation. I had emailed the maternal mom and the mother has since contacted me via phone not texting but I haven't heard anything from her since. I think she may be upset with me for contacting her mom and her mother did get on her for not responding to my messages, and phone calls.  I feel I need to write a letter of apology for involving the maternal grandmother and may have overstepped my boundaries. In other words I was trying to appeal to her parents to talk some sense into their daughter.Susan stressed in this book this is a third party assistance and is not wise.Do you think writing her a heartfelt letter of apology may help?

rbl57

rbl57, 

It is hard to say if an apology would help, was she really upset when you talked to her?  She might be feeling a little resentful that you would involve her Mom in something she doesn't think is her Mom's business.

 

How old is she, is she living on her own or with her parents?  

 

You could have a friendship with the MGM but I wouldn't ask her to intervene for you again.

 

If you write her a letter of apology be sure it is sincere and not I apologize but if you would have done abc I wouldn't of had to do xyz, let her know you see the error in getting her DM involved and you won't do that again.

Let us know how things go.

 

Critter21

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Hi 

Just received the book from Susan Hoffman called "A Precious Bond". I had posted recently that I had contacted the maternal grandmother of my grandson concerning the mother about not hearing from her concerning my grandson. As I had previously stated in past posts, my son and this young lady are not married and both have moved on, but my son is still trying to be in his son's life. Susan pointed out some do's and dont's in her book and one of the dont's involves triangulation. I had emailed the maternal mom and the mother has since contacted me via phone not texting but I haven't heard anything from her since. I think she may be upset with me for contacting her mom and her mother did get on her for not responding to my messages, and phone calls.  I feel I need to write a letter of apology for involving the maternal grandmother and may have overstepped my boundaries. In other words I was trying to appeal to her parents to talk some sense into their daughter.Susan stressed in this book this is a third party assistance and is not wise.Do you think writing her a heartfelt letter of apology may help?

rbl57

Hi Critter21

Just wanted to say thanks for your response to m last post. I haven't written the letter yet. I'm trying to back off for a while. Yes in in answer to your questions this young lady is 25 years old and she lives on her own. Her parents are very supportive and I do realize that I shouldn't have gotten her the MGM involved. I still haven't heard anything since Mother's Day from her. 

 

I wanted to say thanks to you for the tips in what not to say in my letter to this young lady. I do agree that she may have become resentful towards me in asking her mother and I even had contacted her Sister in law prior to sending the MGM an email. Her sister in law did notify her that I was trying to get in contact and she did respond to me right away. All this was in April and the last time I did speak with the mother of my grandson was on Mother's Day via text. I will take your advice when I send her the letter and will send her a gift as well. I do see the errors of my way. I just get so impatient but I do realize I can't make this young lady do what I want. Since finding this web-site I as so relieved to know that I am not alone in this situation. There are so many other GPs that are dealing with the same issue.

rbl1957

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You're welcome,

 

I'm glad you see the need for patience, she could be getting overwhelmed maybe things are just starting to catch up with her.  It can't hurt that you are friends with her Mom.  Just be careful that she doesn't think you are ganging up on her.

 

I have learned that the only expectations we can change are our own.  Hang in there and don't pressure keep busy with other things and hopefully you will get a little of what you want.

 

You said your DS goes to see the baby, could he video chat with you while he is there?  I know it wouldn't be as often as you want but it would be something.

 

How old is your GS?   Are you close to your other 2 GK's?  

 

Hopefully a little patience will get you the visits you want.

 

 I haven't been in your situation even though I am a long distance GM, but my heart goes out to you, please keep coming here to vent and ask for advice and I am sure you will feel better.  There are a lot of great GP's,MIL's And DIL's on this site. They have helped me a lot.

Critter

In answer to your questions  my GS is 1 year and 7 months old. I am close to my two oldest GKs. That is a great idea when my son goes to see his child to do a video chat while he's there when he goes.

Yes I do agree that this is a great site to vent. It has been very helpful for me. 

rbl1957

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Hi Critter21

Just wanted to say thanks for your response to m last post. I haven't written the letter yet. I'm trying to back off for a while. Yes in in answer to your questions this young lady is 25 years old and she lives on her own. Her parents are very supportive and I do realize that I shouldn't have gotten her the MGM involved. I still haven't heard anything since Mother's Day from her. 

 

I wanted to say thanks to you for the tips in what not to say in my letter to this young lady. I do agree that she may have become resentful towards me in asking her mother and I even had contacted her Sister in law prior to sending the MGM an email. Her sister in law did notify her that I was trying to get in contact and she did respond to me right away. All this was in April and the last time I did speak with the mother of my grandson was on Mother's Day via text. I will take your advice when I send her the letter and will send her a gift as well. I do see the errors of my way. I just get so impatient but I do realize I can't make this young lady do what I want. Since finding this web-site I as so relieved to know that I am not alone in this situation. There are so many other GPs that are dealing with the same issue.

rbl1957

Hi , I will try this again, the computer ate three posts I made yesterday.

 

I am happy you are finding help here,  it does help us when we can see we aren't the only ones having a certain problem and some even have it worse than we do which tends to make me thankful for what I do have.

 

It really hasn't been that long since Mothers day, she is just probably busy maybe only contact her once a month  to let her know you are thinking about them. I wouldn't involve her DM or SIL anymore.  You can still be friends with them just not ask them to intercede. Since your DS and her are no longer together it probably isn't a high priority for her to keep you in the loop, she might feel it is your DS's place to let you know about DGS.

 

My DS sometimes calls me everyday for a while then a month or 6 weeks will go by with out me hearing from him, they get really busy with their careers and GD, and as long as everyone is ok they just don't call, I would love a call once a week but I take what I can get. I don't want to pressure them and am always upbeat when he calls because no one wants to talk to someone who is going to make them feel guilty or complains all the time they are on the phone.

 

Just hang in there we might not always get what we want but if we can get a little bit and learn to be content with what we do get we will be a lot happier as we can only change ourselves and our views.

 

Hope things improve, but in the meantime enjoy the 2 GC you have closer.

 

Critter

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Hi , I will try this again, the computer ate three posts I made yesterday.

 

I am happy you are finding help here,  it does help us when we can see we aren't the only ones having a certain problem and some even have it worse than we do which tends to make me thankful for what I do have.

 

It really hasn't been that long since Mothers day, she is just probably busy maybe only contact her once a month  to let her know you are thinking about them. I wouldn't involve her DM or SIL anymore.  You can still be friends with them just not ask them to intercede. Since your DS and her are no longer together it probably isn't a high priority for her to keep you in the loop, she might feel it is your DS's place to let you know about DGS.

 

My DS sometimes calls me everyday for a while then a month or 6 weeks will go by with out me hearing from him, they get really busy with their careers and GD, and as long as everyone is ok they just don't call, I would love a call once a week but I take what I can get. I don't want to pressure them and am always upbeat when he calls because no one wants to talk to someone who is going to make them feel guilty or complains all the time they are on the phone.

 

Just hang in there we might not always get what we want but if we can get a little bit and learn to be content with what we do get we will be a lot happier as we can only change ourselves and our views.

 

Hope things improve, but in the meantime enjoy the 2 GC you have closer.

 

Critter

Hi Critter,

Your posts are always so uplifting to me. I just sent a letter along with a card on this week. I apoligzed for asking her MM and SIL for interceding. I did let her know my reasons and informed her that I overstepped my boundaries. I even apolizied for pressuring her into doing the live chats. I let her know that I just want things to be good between us. That the relationship I want with her is between her and myself. 

You have one of those too. A DS who doesn't call much. I might not hear from him for several months. I know he's fine, but it is nice to hear his voice when he does call. He is very busy with work. 

 

Do you feel that I should not bother him about setting up child support for his son. I did talk to him about it on Mother's day when he called. I don't want to pressure him. I do feel that in his heart he knows this is the right thing to do. I feel like I would be overstepping my boundaries in this area too. So what do you think?

Looking forward to reading your thoughts on this subject.

 Oh and by the wa, where can I find the acronyms for this site?

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Hi Critter,

Your posts are always so uplifting to me. I just sent a letter along with a card on this week. I apoligzed for asking her MM and SIL for interceding. I did let her know my reasons and informed her that I overstepped my boundaries. I even apolizied for pressuring her into doing the live chats. I let her know that I just want things to be good between us. That the relationship I want with her is between her and myself. 

You have one of those too. A DS who doesn't call much. I might not hear from him for several months. I know he's fine, but it is nice to hear his voice when he does call. He is very busy with work. 

 

Do you feel that I should not bother him about setting up child support for his son. I did talk to him about it on Mother's day when he called. I don't want to pressure him. I do feel that in his heart he knows this is the right thing to do. I feel like I would be overstepping my boundaries in this area too. So what do you think?

Looking forward to reading your thoughts on this subject.

 Oh and by the wa, where can I find the acronyms for this site?

rbl1957, Glad I can help. 

 

Hopefully she will respond positively to your letter.

 

If he is in his 20's he knows what he needs to do, maybe back off of giving him advice for a while. Some times we know what should be done but if someone keeps telling us what to do we tend to take our time doing it. It isn't right but that is human nature not likeing to be told what to do. Hopefully he will realize what he needs to do on his own.

 

One of our great mods here rosered135 did a excellent job of putting together some lists of acronyms they are basically the same you can find them in 3 groups MILA  is called Guide to Acronyms,  CLUB NEW COMERS Acronym Guide and GRANDPARENTS CARING FOR GRANDKIDS RoseRed's Guide to Acronyms.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Critter

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rbl1957, Glad I can help. 

 

Hopefully she will respond positively to your letter.

 

If he is in his 20's he knows what he needs to do, maybe back off of giving him advice for a while. Some times we know what should be done but if someone keeps telling us what to do we tend to take our time doing it. It isn't right but that is human nature not likeing to be told what to do. Hopefully he will realize what he needs to do on his own.

 

One of our great mods here rosered135 did a excellent job of putting together some lists of acronyms they are basically the same you can find them in 3 groups MILA  is called Guide to Acronyms,  CLUB NEW COMERS Acronym Guide and GRANDPARENTS CARING FOR GRANDKIDS RoseRed's Guide to Acronyms.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Critter

Yes, all three of my children are in their 20"s and don't like to be told what to do. I will check out the list of acronyms you mentioned.

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Thanks for the vote of confidence, critter! And for directing rbl to the acronym guides I've put up! BTW, I think you're turning out to be a great mod, too!

 

RbL, I can't really add anything more than what critter has already said to you. Just want to say, as an MGM, that as long as you're not advising/encouraging DS to get out of  child support, you're doing ok where he's concerned!

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I am learning that my adult kids really don't take well to advice especially when not asked for. I mentioned him looking into starting child support payments one time and I just pm ray that he will do the right thing for his son. Thanks so much for your response. Loving this site.

Rbl1957

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I am learning that my adult kids really don't take well to advice especially when not asked for. I mentioned him looking into starting child support payments one time and I just pm ray that he will do the right thing for his son. Thanks so much for your response. Loving this site.

Rbl1957

Glad you are learning, and our advice is helping you.  Hopefully he will come around and do the right thing. Critter

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I too am a long distance GM of a 19 month old GS. The minus side to my situation is that I don't have a strong relationship with the mother of this child. My DS and this young lady are not married and when they broke up some months afterward I found out I had a new GC. This child is five hours away. MY DS lives in another state and the young lady has gone back to her home state.

 

The other minus side to this situation is that I only seen my GS once when he was five months old. He will be two years old this November so this child does not know who I am. I do not hear from his mother until I initiate the call. She doesn't always respond to me as I would like her to. Lately I haven't heard anything from her. Not even a text message as this is the mode that most young people use in this day.

 

Now for the plus sides. I have received some pics and videos from the mother but this was only after contacting her Mother which I now regret involving a third party. After her mother scolded her for not responding to any of my calls or text messages she finally called me and apologized for being missing in action.All of this happened before i found this web-site. The last time I heard from her  via text message was on Mother's day and she promised me that she would be contacting me for a live chat session with my GS. Still waiting. I've since wrote a letter of apology for involving her mother, but still haven't heard anythingl. Still waiting. 

 

I have to be patient with her. I will not give up because I have hope that things will turn around. I will be sending her cards along with a gift every month. I just sent the letter a week ago so she may not have received it as of yet. Some have asked me why I would send a letter of apology to the mother. The reason for me doing this because I want to have a relationship with the mother and this between she and myself. I should not have even contacted her mother in the first place. This young lady may be resentful towards me now. I met her prior to her becoming a mother and I really like this young lady. I feel that she just don't know me and she is not my DIL. So I will not give up if  I want to have a relationship with my GS. 

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Glad you sent the letter rbl! I understand why you did and agree with your reasons. Hope it works out!

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rb11957, as Rose said I am glad you sent the letter, also that you realize that you shouldn't have included third parties. 

 

Hopefully she will answer back soon.

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Hello.. I am new here today.. I am hoping to find some support and peace.. I am the grandmother of two .My grandson is 6 years old and has been by my side since birth..I would care for him while parents worked  and  spend every minute I could.., Last January 2013 my grand daughter, his sister was born I was in the birthing room what a joy.. My DIL mother lives in Arizona,(moved over a year ago) we are born and raised here in Ohio .. they went for a visit for the 2x and now have come back to tell me they are moving to Phoenix in August.. DIL already has a job .. I know they have the right to live where they want  ..I don't   have peace ..they were 20 minutes away then they decided to move an hour away ,knowing it was a mistake ,I kept quiet  and I know this too is a HUGE mistake... I know my son too well.. my heart  is crushed  not being able to see my now 5 month old granddaughter and all her first or to play games or just see the world through my grandsons eyes which is quite amazing .. they tell me they will fly home and we can go there but the reality is  this is not something  done so easy.. money is already tight with other huge responsibility with 2 special needs children at home...... I cant sleep, I cant eat,, I feel like a death has happened  .Im trying hard to accept it .however it just isn't working... my heart is beyond crushed :help: 

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Hello.. I am new here today.. I am hoping to find some support and peace.. I am the grandmother of two .My grandson is 6 years old and has been by my side since birth..I would care for him while parents worked  and  spend every minute I could.., Last January 2013 my grand daughter, his sister was born I was in the birthing room what a joy.. My DIL mother lives in Arizona,(moved over a year ago) we are born and raised here in Ohio .. they went for a visit for the 2x and now have come back to tell me they are moving to Phoenix in August.. DIL already has a job .. I know they have the right to live where they want  ..I don't   have peace ..they were 20 minutes away then they decided to move an hour away ,knowing it was a mistake ,I kept quiet  and I know this too is a HUGE mistake... I know my son too well.. my heart  is crushed  not being able to see my now 5 month old granddaughter and all her first or to play games or just see the world through my grandsons eyes which is quite amazing .. they tell me they will fly home and we can go there but the reality is  this is not something  done so easy.. money is already tight with other huge responsibility with 2 special needs children at home...... I cant sleep, I cant eat,, I feel like a death has happened  .Im trying hard to accept it .however it just isn't working... my heart is beyond crushed :help: 

Welcome LLLx3, I am the Mod in this group, I also am a long distance GP (grand parent).

 

I know how hard it is when your AC(adult children) move a distance away it broke my heart when my DS moved but we had raised him to follow his dreams and life so the only thing we could do was support him.  I had to learn to let go and be encouraging to them when they called was it easy no but I knew if I was in their place I would want my parents to allow and encourage me to live my life so that is what we did for DS. 

 

You mention 2 special needs children at home are these your GC or do you have other children?  I also have a special needs child or adult now she is 44 but has mental capacity of a 3 year old.  We just got back from visiting her DB for a week we hadn't seen them in person for over 16 months, I have a 7 1/2 year old GD and she took right up where we left off she was so loving and friendly, you would have thought we had seen each other a week ago instead of months.

 

Could you SKYPE on the computer?  We used to do that when GD was younger and she would bring me her toys and try to hand them to me on the computer.  I send her little surprises and cards from the dollar store about every 3 weeks to let her know I am thinking about her and call in between. 

 

I know you think this is a huge mistake but I would encourage you to give your DS your support, this is the decision he and his DW have made and really the only thing you can do is support their decision.  My DN and her family moved to where my DS lived and after hearing from her parents every day about how much they missed their GC and her they moved back to hometown and are not happy at all has put a strain on the relationship.  We raise our DC to be responsible adults and then when they try we don't encourage them or in my Nieces case discourage them. 

 

Try to enjoy what time you do have with the DGC before they move,  come here to vent  but try to be positive around your AC and DIL.  

 

I am sure other GP's will come in with other ideas.

 

Am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, if that is ok.

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Hello Everyone!! I have been GP for almost 16 years and there is nothing better I think. I was born and raised in central Texas and never thought I would live anywhere else, but last year found myself getting a place, due to my health and positive reasons, in north central Iowa. Here I have 4 GC and my youngest child. I have left behind in Texas 8 GC and 1 on the way and 3 grown children. I drove a truck cross country for years so I saw all the GC for all occasions and many times during the year. now that I have been disabled and live so far away I am lucky to see the GC once a year. It is really upsetting me and I do not know what to do to stay close to them. 2 of the GC are from my oldest daughter that was killed in a car accident 5 years ago. They are growing up(16 in nov and 14) so fast and I feel like I do not know who they are anymore. I buy them things(small things is all I can afford) but I buy it out of guilt for not being there. we don't call or text like we should and it is both sides that just lets time go by without talking. Being the GP I should make a effort more them they. they just seem so busy all the time. I have 1 daughter who does not have internet so I can not Skype her 7yr old. I feel so helpless financially about going to visit and I feel like I don't even know who they all are.  I know I am going to Texas in October to stay 3 weeks when my daughter has her new baby C-section. I am joining forums and I am going to stay plugged in to this website and would appreciate any and all suggestions or comments. I hope to get to know a lot of you GP as we share our stories and ideas.

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Welcome LLLx3, I am the Mod in this group, I also am a long distance GP (grand parent).

 

I know how hard it is when your AC(adult children) move a distance away it broke my heart when my DS moved but we had raised him to follow his dreams and life so the only thing we could do was support him.  I had to learn to let go and be encouraging to them when they called was it easy no but I knew if I was in their place I would want my parents to allow and encourage me to live my life so that is what we did for DS. 

 

You mention 2 special needs children at home are these your GC or do you have other children?  I also have a special needs child or adult now she is 44 but has mental capacity of a 3 year old.  We just got back from visiting her DB for a week we hadn't seen them in person for over 16 months, I have a 7 1/2 year old GD and she took right up where we left off she was so loving and friendly, you would have thought we had seen each other a week ago instead of months.

 

Could you SKYPE on the computer?  We used to do that when GD was younger and she would bring me her toys and try to hand them to me on the computer.  I send her little surprises and cards from the dollar store about every 3 weeks to let her know I am thinking about her and call in between. 

 

I know you think this is a huge mistake but I would encourage you to give your DS your support, this is the decision he and his DW have made and really the only thing you can do is support their decision.  My DN and her family moved to where my DS lived and after hearing from her parents every day about how much they missed their GC and her they moved back to hometown and are not happy at all has put a strain on the relationship.  We raise our DC to be responsible adults and then when they try we don't encourage them or in my Nieces case discourage them. 

 

Try to enjoy what time you do have with the DGC before they move,  come here to vent  but try to be positive around your AC and DIL.  

 

I am sure other GP's will come in with other ideas.

 

Am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, if that is ok.

 

Welcome LLLx3, I am the Mod in this group, I also am a long distance GP (grand parent).

 

I know how hard it is when your AC(adult children) move a distance away it broke my heart when my DS moved but we had raised him to follow his dreams and life so the only thing we could do was support him.  I had to learn to let go and be encouraging to them when they called was it easy no but I knew if I was in their place I would want my parents to allow and encourage me to live my life so that is what we did for DS. 

 

You mention 2 special needs children at home are these your GC or do you have other children?  I also have a special needs child or adult now she is 44 but has mental capacity of a 3 year old.  We just got back from visiting her DB for a week we hadn't seen them in person for over 16 months, I have a 7 1/2 year old GD and she took right up where we left off she was so loving and friendly, you would have thought we had seen each other a week ago instead of months.

 

Could you SKYPE on the computer?  We used to do that when GD was younger and she would bring me her toys and try to hand them to me on the computer.  I send her little surprises and cards from the dollar store about every 3 weeks to let her know I am thinking about her and call in between. 

 

I know you think this is a huge mistake but I would encourage you to give your DS your support, this is the decision he and his DW have made and really the only thing you can do is support their decision.  My DN and her family moved to where my DS lived and after hearing from her parents every day about how much they missed their GC and her they moved back to hometown and are not happy at all has put a strain on the relationship.  We raise our DC to be responsible adults and then when they try we don't encourage them or in my Nieces case discourage them. 

 

Try to enjoy what time you do have with the DGC before they move,  come here to vent  but try to be positive around your AC and DIL.  

 

I am sure other GP's will come in with other ideas.

 

Am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, if that is ok.

 

 

Hello and Thank You Critter 21

    First my special needs are adopted one is 17 severe autism  dd (2years and younger functioning)  the other is 16 aspergers high functioning 5-8 years in some areas.. very complicated...I also have a bio daughter  27 years and my twins soon  to be 25 years old  one of which is the DS in question here .. I am doing my best to be positive and allow them to make their decsion I LOVE my DIL she was having trouble with the whole decision because of  our relationship she didn't want to hurt me..  I do plan to skype and send things.. Will skype help Lily (5 months)know me when I do visit? it is just going to be so strange not having them bouncing through the door or having my hour drive on a sunday afternoon to go see them.  I and Yeds all prayers are very Welcome!

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Hello Everyone!! I have been GP for almost 16 years and there is nothing better I think. I was born and raised in central Texas and never thought I would live anywhere else, but last year found myself getting a place, due to my health and positive reasons, in north central Iowa. Here I have 4 GC and my youngest child. I have left behind in Texas 8 GC and 1 on the way and 3 grown children. I drove a truck cross country for years so I saw all the GC for all occasions and many times during the year. now that I have been disabled and live so far away I am lucky to see the GC once a year. It is really upsetting me and I do not know what to do to stay close to them. 2 of the GC are from my oldest daughter that was killed in a car accident 5 years ago. They are growing up(16 in nov and 14) so fast and I feel like I do not know who they are anymore. I buy them things(small things is all I can afford) but I buy it out of guilt for not being there. we don't call or text like we should and it is both sides that just lets time go by without talking. Being the GP I should make a effort more them they. they just seem so busy all the time. I have 1 daughter who does not have internet so I can not Skype her 7yr old. I feel so helpless financially about going to visit and I feel like I don't even know who they all are.  I know I am going to Texas in October to stay 3 weeks when my daughter has her new baby C-section. I am joining forums and I am going to stay plugged in to this website and would appreciate any and all suggestions or comments. I hope to get to know a lot of you GP as we share our stories and ideas.

Welcome grammy glad you joined us.   

 

You have lived a very interesting life and got to see some of our beautiful country.

 

 I admire that you were able to drive a Truck like that, I just got back from visiting my GD in Texas and I told the friend I was with I didn't see how the truckers could do it I was worn out just driving 11 hours it took me several days to recuperate.  Sorry you have had to move away from where you had lived your entire life and such a change too, I think the weather is a lot different in Iowa.

 

So sorry you lost a DD and your GC lost their DM  they are now teenagers who I have learned from these forums are growing up and have their own lives and friends and sometimes are very busy not that they love you less just don't have the time to keep you posted.

 

I am the Mod in this group and also have a LD GD she is 7 1/2 I only see her about once a year but it had been more like 16 months when I saw her 2 weeks ago, but she flew into my arms like we had seen each other just yesterday.

 

We used to Skype but since they moved to a new house we haven't done it in quite some time, I send her funny cards and little treats I know she loves butterflies and so I try to send her little things with butterflies on them. Some times we talk on the phone but she is so busy it is hard to get her to stay still long enough to carry on a conversation.

 

I think it is great you get to go to Texas to see your new GC in October.

 

Glad to hear you are joining forums and are trying to stay busy, that always makes the time pass faster.

 

Hope to hear more of your story and I am sure other LDGP will chime in.

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